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Alex Rodriguez Looks Like An Umpa Lumpa

by: AnthonyP On  Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Alex Rodriguez Looks Like An Umpa LumpaTotal Pro Sports – After watching the Peter Gammons interview with Alex Rodriguez a million times over yesterday.  I could not help but notice that Alex Rodriguez looked a shade too orange.

I first thought it was my computer screen acting up, but I confirmed my questions when I watched the interview on TV.  Again A-ROD looked as if his skin was orange, but now on television it looked even darker.The first thing that I thought that maybe he frequented the tanning salon just a little bit to much, or maybe he was hanging out with the “New Jersey Douchebags”? Both of these were a possibility.  So I did a little bit of research (2 minutes total) to see what kind of side effects performance enhancing drugs do to the human body.

Men may develop:

  • Prominent breasts
  • Baldness
  • Shrunken testicles
  • Infertility

Both men and women might experience:

  • Severe acne
  • Liver abnormalities and tumors
  • Increased low-density lipoprotein (LDL) cholesterol (the “bad” cholesterol)
  • Decreased high-density lipoprotein (HDL) cholesterol (the “good” cholesterol)
  • Aggressive behaviors, rage or violence
  • Psychiatric disorders, such as depression
  • Drug dependence
  • Infections or diseases such as HIV or hepatitis if you’re injecting the drugs
  • Inhibited growth and development, and risk of future health problems if you’re a teenager

None of these side effects confirmed Alex Rodriguez’ orange complexion, so the possibility he was still on steroids was thrown out the door.  The last thing that I could think of was maybe A-ROID was an Umpa Lumpa. An Umpa Lumpa, yes an Umpa Lumpa????

Umpa Lumpa- a short bronze colored person with green hair possibly descendants of leprechauns who knows a lot about the rights and wrong of a candy factory and are taught to spontaineously break out with a funky fresh beat about those rights and wrongs

If you still don’t know what I’m talking about just watch Willie Wanka And The Chocolate Factory, Alex Rodriguez is the star in that movie.




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