Hockey or Sex: 7 In-Game Comments That Will Make You Think
Total Pro Sports – It is always great to go and watch a hockey game live. To be there among all the fans, cheering for your team and against the opposition is exhilarating. But sometimes it is nice to be able to sit at home and catch the game on TV, with the commentary providing insight.
So what happens when that so called insight sounds more like something you would likely hear on one of the DVD’s from you hidden porn collection? Some laugh, while others get different ideas and head straight under the bed to pull out their latest copy of “Field of Wet Dreams”.
Such moments have sparked this list here of the top 7 things you may hear while watching a hockey game that will make you ask yourself “Is this Hockey or Porn?” (the names of players are random and only used to create a more realistic effect):
7. “Price is weak between the legs” – It seems like they only say this about goalies. You would likely hear this when the commentators are mentioning the weaknesses of the netminders. And in a porn? Well we would hope you would never hear this, but it may find its way on some sort of a “porno bloopers” video.
6. “Crosby managed to barely slip it in there” – In this case, you have your typical forward on a breakaway, fakes left, goes right and just gets it by the goalie. Ya, that’s right. He barely slipped it in there. And in a porn? You’ll likely hear this in “teen-based” porno. Yes, tightness is an issue here. No wizard’s sleeves, thank you.
5. “Burrows just got nailed from behind” – Its the always dirty hit from behind. Never a pleasant sight in the game of hockey. And in a porn? Most likely gay porn, unless the girl is wearing a strap on.
4. “Chara just gave him a reach around” – No I did not make this up. I have actually heard this several times and it never gets old. This occurs when one player reaches around the other with his stick to try and poke the puck. And in a porn? Well rather than one man reaching around the other with his own stick, in this case the one reaching around would be doing so to get a hold of the others.
3. “Pronger stuck his stick between Thornton’s legs” – Defense liked using this old trick, but what is defined as “the can-opener” has since been outlawed by the NHL. And in a porn? I believe most refer to it as the missionary position.
2. “Fleury took that that shot from Ovechkin right in the face” – While most usually shoot to score, sometimes you may want to put some fear into the goalie and take a shot at his head. And in a porn? The good ol’ facial. Should we offer a cherry on top?
1. “Staal was looking backdoor and he snuck it in there” – What a great goal. While the play is going on at one side of the ice, you set yourself up at the far post and wait for the pass to put it in the net. And in a porn? Well lets just say that they found another entrance in. You can guess which one.
So next time you’re on the ice. Remember, its hockey, not sex. Keep your stick to yourself.