7 Things That Will Likely Get You Tased At A Sporting Event
With all the tailgating that goes on at sporting events, fans can get pretty rowdy once they’re inside. A pack of rabid fans can create a rather hostile environment, one that may need to be tamed. Or tased. And since there seems to be a lot of tasing at sporting events lately, we’re going to give you a list of seven actions at games that might get you tased, starting with the most obvious. You should probably resist the urge to do any of these things if you don’t want to get tased. Otherwise, you may get tased in the face!
7. Vomit on a Father and His Daughter
How one Phillies kid can get tased for running around on the field and then another only get arrested for intentionally vomiting on a father and his daughter is beyond me. If you vomit due to drinking too much at a sporting event, you deserve an escort out after getting tased repeatedly. If you intentionally vomit on someone, you probably deserve the death penalty in some small countries, so a good tase to the face is nothing to cause a fuss about. Tase him until he pukes profusely on himself and call it a day.
6. – Chirping
I was watching a baseball game yesterday in which fans behind home plate were displaying the worst talk I’ve ever heard in my life. Over and over again, I could hear on my broadcast, “you suck,” “hey batter, swing,” and other unoriginal, unwitty things. If you’re 18 or older, you should be forced to have good talk or shut up. If a fan refuses to shut up upon request more than two times, they get tased. I would give anything to have seen those three fans behind home plate get tased to death yesterday.
5. – Consistent Indecent Exposure
I would never tase a woman for sharing the gift(s) she was given, but if some dude constantly tries to show his untamed junk, like he’s some “Teen Wolf” fan, I’d strongly consider a good tasing. In addition to genital exposure, I’d also consider tasing slobs who take their shirts off – nobody wants to see that. Seriously, refusing to listen to the requests of stadium security is all the same, so if one guy can get tased for just sitting in his chair, then someone being obscenely disruptive should get the same treatment.
4. – Heckle Tiger Woods
If you’re heckling Tiger Woods at a baseball game, of which he’s not actually in attendance, there’s a pretty good chance you’re incoherently inebriated to the point of warranting a tasing. But seriously, if you’re heckling Tiger Woods at a golfing event, consistently breaking golf fan etiquette, you’ll probably get tased. You’ll definitely get tased if you are told several times to shut up and then become combative when sheriffs attempt to arrest you. It happened recently.
3. – Resist an Escort Out
If you’re a disruptive tub of lard and two police officers aren’t going to be able to get you to walk out of the stadium cooperatively, then there’s a good chance the taser will come out. Just ask this fat ass Oakland A’s fan. Or ask the Boston Celtics’ Marquis Daniels’ father, who was tased just two nights ago for tensing up and resisting an escort out of the stadium in Orlando.
2. – Start a Fight
We all know that starting a fist fight will get you kicked out of the event, but will it get you tasered? I don’t have any evidence of a fan getting tased for starting a fight, but if a dude can get tased for simply running on the field and not flailing fists in any dangerous manner, I have a reasonable belief that a fight is fair game for a nice tase to the face.
1. – Run on the Field (Naked)
We saw it ruthlessly done to a 17-year-old at a Phillies game recently, and I’m sure it won’t be the last time. Although it got kind of a negative reaction due to the kid only being 17-years-old, but it effectively got the trespasser to drop like he just got sniped by someone in the upper deck. And if I was a police officer, I’d shoot for the gooch if the perpetrator was streaking.