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Fierce Competitors: 9 Awesome Animals Playing Sports

by: Howard Cosmell On  Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Tags:  Animals   Hockey   Sports  

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This is a really boring time of year for sports. Baseball isn’t quite in a pennant race. Football is in training camp. Hockey players are shaving their beards and basketball is months way. So what’s a sports fan to do? Hahaha who said WNBA? Good one. That was funny. Points for that.

In this slow time of the sports calendar, we look to our furry, feathered and “finding any place to drop a turd” friends to provide us with all of the excitement of the major sports. Animals provide drama, sportsmanship, skill and most importantly, comic relief in every sport they pretend to play. Here are 9 awesome examples of animals playing sports.

Elephant Playing Soccer and BasketballHonestly, if Isiah Thomas were still running the Knicks, I could see this elephant being a lottery pick. He’d make a boatload of money, get fat on peanuts and never play a full season. He’d get traded to make cap room. He’d also never get blocked. Hell of time in the team shower, too. He looks like he’d need all the shower heads at once.

Cat BoxingTwo cats enter. One cat leaves to take a 14 hour nap. The other retreats to a closet to scare the crap out of you in the middle of the night. Cat boxing is also an oxymoron because both are nicknames for a vagina.

Dog SkateboardingDogs. Doing the same tricks for centuries. Oh, you got the newspaper. Good job. Not mine Fido, it belongs to the old man next door because only old people still read the newspaper. This dog is coming out ahead of his breed by learning tricks on the deck. Let’s see those pathetic bastards in the Sarah McLachlan commercial try these tricks. If they can’t, put them to sleep.

Horses Tire TossNot really a sport, but what the hell else could a horse do? Pull a wagon? Kick a football? Racing’s not a sport. It’s fixed. What? So is boxing? Touche. But this tire game should actually be a sport. Tire Toss. Firestone Discuss. Loser Hits the Glue Factory Games.

Monkey CyclingThis is my suggestion; no man is gonna win the Tour De France against a monkey without some type of performance enhancing drug. It’s a rough sport. So why don’t we enter a team of American monkeys? Who wouldn’t watch a bunch of monkeys racing againts other countries? Ratings would be through the roof. And God forbid the monkey won! Posing with the hot chicks and the jersey. Screw it, I’m starting my own monkey race. This is a golden idea.

Bear HockeyBears playing hockey. Novel. Until that bear gets pissed and kills someone on the ice. Blood all over. No zamboni is mopping up limbs. Hell, who are we kidding, we’d watch this too.

Squirrel WrestlingThis is the great thing about squirrels wrestling; they are feisty little bastards. Ever get a little too close to squirrel in the park. They start making that hissing noise. They pounce to a tree and possibly onto the top of your head if you make a wrong move. Only thing missing in this video is squirrel singlets.

Alpaca SurfingThis video was a real eye opener. Up until this point I had no idea what the hell purpose alpacas served. I thought they just got made into nice clothing. Who knew they could surf? Who knew they’ll let you carry them into water? Who knew people gave a crap enough to teach them.

Hamster FoosballThis would be awesome in every college fraternity across the US. Regular Foos gets old. Imagine a hamster storming the field and getting to smash him with the soccer players. Whoa, whoa pal! No spinning. That’s illegal. Home course, my rules.




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