The Stat Line of the Night – 9/16/10 – Minnesota Twins
9 Regrettable Sports Fan Tattoos (Pics)
Sports loyalty is displayed in many ways. Many stupid, stupid ways. From painting your 1993 Mitsubishi 300GT silver and blue with the Cowboys star to naming your first son, born in 2005, Seamus David Ortiz McMulligan, the ability to cross the line from “tasteful support” to “clinical compulsion” gets grey in the realm of tattoos.
If it’s true that a fan “bleeds (pick your team’s colors),” it’s not unreasonable to think that they would like to memorialize their allegiance with a tattoo. However, there’s no accounting for taste. And unfortunately, the type of people that get tattoos are often lacking in the taste department. Don’t believe it? You should. See below for some extraordinary examples of common sense taking a vacation.
1. The Ode to Boston
Aside from being completely weird, this might be the ugliest tattoo I have seen in a while (okay, a couple weeks). One HUGE problem I have with this guy is that he decided to use the newer Patriots logo for the head. Patriot Pat is and always will be the guy in the three-point stance. The new Patriot’s helmet logo looks like something that should be on a credit card.
I never wish any particular ill will to any sports fans, but I would like to see what this guy is forced to do if the Bruins change their logo to a 3-D bear. It will happen one day. This guy’s only hope is that he doesn’t live to see it. Which, frankly, is a pretty safe bet if he drinks as much as most Boston sports fans.
2. The “Raiderette”
Ugh. There isn’t much to say here. People with sports tattoos are a questionable lot. Girls with sports tattoos are borderline suspicious. A girl with a Raiders tramp stamp on her back is equivalent to a toxic waste spill. Run. Run as fast you can. No good could ever come of this. Any girl with a Raider tattoo will have at least seven angry ex-boyfriends, five of which will be on probation (the other two will be in jail).
I’m not even going to get in to the shame of having a Raiders tattoo due to the quality of the team. There’s a reason that the Raiders logo looks like a skull and crossbones. Poison.
3. Shrine to Philly
Like the Boston thing, but not even cute. Just…overkill. I would hope that this guy never gets a job transfer that takes him to far from Philly, but let’s face it: Car stereo stores don’t regularly transfer their employees on a national level. He’ll be fine. In that regard at least. Again, the danger of the logo thing is that one never knows when they’re going to be changed. At least he didn’t get a huge picture of Allen Iverson or Donovan McNabb. That’s about the only silver lining to this cloud of a tattoo.
4. Yankees Fan with Low Ambitions
This is what we in the industry call a “career killer” tattoo. While the Yankees are a safe bet in that they’ll probably never change their logo, this thing is a bit much. Why does he want to look like a cyborg? Did the artist draw something up and then, once the guy gave it a once over, he responded, “I want it to look like a plate that’s screwed into my head?”
Cause if that’s the case, then this guy got exactly what he wanted. Tattoos on your head make even rich people like Jamie Foxx look crazy. (I’m assuming) This guy isn’t rich, so he’ll probably be like chick kryptonite. Unless he can find a “Yankee-ette”. See Item #2.
5. Rollerblade Tattoo
This tattoo makes me embarrassed for myself just for knowing it exists. It’s rollerblading. Rollerblading was cool for about four years in the 90’s. Why memorialize it? I have no doubt that this guy takes rollerblading very seriously, but that doesn’t warrant a tattoo. I do not have a picture of a laptop or typewriter tattooed on my calf, nor do I plan to.
As horrible as I feel saying this, this tattoo will be high comedy when the guy’s like 70 and ambling around on his walker with a big rollerblade tattoo on his leg. Until then, it’s just pitiful.
6. Handlebars Across the Chest
This just makes me think “ride me.” I can only think of one instance in which someone would be grabbing on to those handlebars, and that instance makes me queasy. I would sooner die than know what the brake handle is for. Also, “little pedal bike?” I hope that’s a reference to something I don’t get, cause otherwise, it’s about as bad ass as a Hello Kitty tattoo on the dude’s lower back.
You may ride a bike. You may ride a bike like Lance Armstrong. But all these handlebars demonstrate is that you have the same faculties as a chubby 9 year-old. You want to show people you can ride a bike well, put on a yellow jersey. Otherwise, I’m inclined to tattoo a Subaru on my shoulder so people know that I have a driver’s license.
7. Redskin Tramp Stamp 2.0
Sexy to a Redskin fan? Maybe. However, Washington isn’t that far from Philly or NY, so if she comes across any divisional rivals in a social context (banging), this could be a deal breaker. If a Cowboys fan finds his way down there and discovers this, it will make The Crying Game look like a cloudy day. You have to disclose shit like this. It could one day save your life.
8. John Elway Clusterfuck
As long as there’s a #7 on the Broncos, I GUESS this tattoo is relevant. But without a name listed, you really open yourself up to fate. It appears that Tim Tebow is #15 for the Broncs. I would like to spearhead the initiative to get him to switch to #7 immediately just to screw with this guy.
In all likelihood, Elway’s number is retired, so this guy is probably safe. But what if Elway later gets discovered to have been an active participant in the Bad Newz Kennel Club? That’s a lot of ground to cover with a tattoo removal laser. I hope it at least gets him a discount at one of Elway’s many car dealerships.
9. Zombie Mickey Mantle and Porky Pete Rose
I think the only guy that could pull these tattoos off would have to be the crème de la crème of the baseball world. Maybe Bud Selig. (God, I hope that’s Bud Selig.) In all likelihood, it’s a guy who roots for whatever team’s winning during a sporting event. He obviously just picked the two most iconic baseball players of the past 60 years and got them inked on his person.
Seriously, whose two favorite players are Mickey Mantle AND Pete Rose? This guy will betray you in a heartbeat if he gets the chance. Good news to Charlie Hustle: Who needs the Hall of Fame when you’re adorning this guy’s shaved calf? Bad news to Mick: You’re still not alive, so you don’t get to appreciate this, not even on an ironic level