The Stat Line Of The Night — 4/3/11 — Jaime Garcia
The 9 Goofiest Names in Sports
I always felt like there were more, but in boning up on this list topic, I found that there aren’t quite as many funny names as one would think. But the March Madness tournament is always a great place to mine at least four funny names per year. Combine that with college football, and it might not be a ton of humor, but it’s definitely enough to get you through year after year. Because making fun of people’s names is AWESOME, here are 9 gems.
9. Dick Trickle
The godfather. He was immortalized during the Patrick-Olbermann golden age of Sportscenter, getting name checked in every race, regardless of where he finished. There isn’t much else to say about his name, but he was (widely?) known to have drilled a hole in his helmet so he could smoke cigarettes in his car during races. NASCAR cracked down, but allowed him to smoke during yellow flags. Which is probably the most awesome fact on this list.
8. Milton Bradley
The ubiquity of this gentleman’s name has possibly caused fans to become desensitized to how weird it is. It’s like if Magic Johnson had named his son “Johnson.” His father had the same name, then took the liberty of unilaterally filling out the birth card while his wife was still laid up. Way to take initiative, Milt Sr!
7. Coco Crisp
Covelli Crisp would probably just be another journeyman-ish baseball player if it wasn’t for his nickname, which is now the only moniker by which the public knows him. His siblings nicknamed him “Coco” as a kid, though the name didn’t stick until he registered it as his nickname in AA ball. Now, it’s kind of all he’s known for. That and his defense.
6. Dwyane Wade
You know how sometimes some little imperfection can drive you absolutely crazy even though there are more egregious examples? Dwyane Wade, ladies and gentleman. It’s not like it was a recent development. Wade is a Jr., so his name was picked by his grandparents for his father. But still, my fingers will never get used to typing the transposed “y” and “a.” So he should change his name so that my typing efficiency ceases to suffer.
5. Ron Tugnutt
This appeared on lots of “bizarre name” lists during my research for this list. I really don’t think the name is that bizarre, it’s just really, really fun to say. More fun than “Emeka Okafor,” even. I expected a 100% chance that he would be rocking a ‘stache when I pulled up a picture. He actually looks really clean-cut, even by hockey standards. Which somehow makes it all funnier.
4. God Shammgod
This point guard who played for Providence, and then briefly for the Wizards, has big name to live up to. Any way you slice it, no matter how confident you are, you’re probably going to be living in God’s (the deity) shadow your whole life. So that’s rough. Shammgod, once when being asked about his role on the team, told a reporter, “It’s my job to create. I’m a creator.” Well, he IS a point guard, guys.
3. Rusty Kuntz
I am going to keep this brief, as I will be unable to type too much before getting in trouble. Let’s play this straight:
“Rusty Kuntz is an unfortunate name for a public figure because his first name is ‘Rusty,’ and his last name is a homophone with a crass term for a woman’s genitals. Together, it is a humorous name.”
That’s really all I can help you with here.
2. Yourhighness Morgan
It’s only weird out of context. When you find out that this Florida Atlantic Linebacker has a brother named Handsome and cousins named Prince and Gorgeous, it doesn’t seem so silly, does it? Morgan was ranked #44 at his position by Rivals coming out of high school, but it doesn’t sound like he’s improved on that ranking, having been red shirted and likely to play second string this year.
1. Richie Incognito
A funny name for what would appear to be a jerk of an offensive lineman. The Sporting News declared him the dirtiest player in the NFL, and twice he’s gotten cut from teams due to an inability to control his temper both on the field and in dealing with the fallout from his coach. Someone with such a funny name shouldn’t be a jerk. Maybe he could change his first name to “Benny.” Couldn’t hurt.