9 BestWorst Draft Day Outfits of All-Time
To celebrate last night’s opening picks of the NFL draft, we’ve decided to bring you a bunch of pictures of NBA draft picks dressed ridiculously. Doesn’t make much sense, does it? Well, actually it does. Draft season is upon us, which means we get to see a collective of autonomous, 18-20 year-olds who are essentially lottery winners try and make their first executive decision by figuring out what they’re going to wear on draft day. And what a beautiful disaster it is.
However, the other sports just don’t get it right like basketball does. Football players are too blue collar. Hockey players are blue collar too, but even if they weren’t, they throw on jerseys, so making fun of their outfits is more difficulty than it’s worth. Nobody has ever actually witnessed a baseball draft (I’m assuming they all wear HAZMAT suits or something), so that leaves us with the NBA. So while I did scour quite a few different sports’ drafts, the NBA has the top 9. One look at this list and I’m sure you’ll agree.
9. Joakim Noah
It looks like Orville Redenbacher got thrown in a blender with Cypress Hill. It’s hard to pull off seersucker and a bow tie when you’ve got the hair of a 20 year-old stoner. He kinda pulls it off though. It’s somehow less ridiculous than some of the other outfits we’ll see.
8. Drew Gooden
Where are the buttons? The greatest trick this suit ever pulled was convincing the world that its buttons didn’t exist. Even though Gooden came on the tail end of the “obnoxious draft day suit” heyday, he’s throwing it back like it’s 1993 up in this piece. He looks like a Far East Shaman wearing his dad’s suit. That’s class.
7. Mo Taylor
Mo decided that the biggest day of his life was the right day to wear a double-breasted monstrosity that looks like it was deadstock from the Charlotte Hornets fan shop circa 1991. Poor David Stern can’t take his eyes off of it. Which leads me to an interesting question: Do you think Stern would get mad that so many of the players dressed like jackasses? I mean, it wouldn’t really be an issue to him, except for the fact that he is in photos with EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM. Did he stay up the night before praying that everyone would show up in navy blazers and khaki pants? Cause if he did, God ignored his prayers.
6. Eric Gordon
On loan from the Joe Pesci collection. All they had to do was drop the cuffs about 16 inches and broaden the shoulders four feet and the suit was ready-to-wear for Eric Gordon. A good rule of thumb is “the flashier the suit, the more likely the guy wearing it works for people in way less flashy suits.” Okay. That was a ridiculously horrible heuristic that I just made up, but it’s true. When you see a guy wearing a suit like this, you don’t wonder how he achieved his success, but rather if your table is ready. I’m done making fun of Eric Gordon’s style now. He seems like a pretty good guy. Let’s move on.
5. Kwame Brown
When you’re 6’ 11” and about 230 pounds, one thing you definitely want to do is look taller and thinner. So by all means steer clear of your traditional two-button, discreetly-patterned or unpatterned suits, and go with something that has four or more buttons and very loud pinstripes. Cause you might want to remind people how tall you are when they are about to select you in the draft. You never know if the front office is on the fence and the slimming features of the wardrobe will give you that extra boost.
4. Samaki Walker
He apparently really likes the color “cream.” For his shirts, his jackets, his pants, and especially the derby/fedora hybrid he’s rocking on that big beautiful dome of his. He also apparently bought several yards too many of fabric and, not wanting to make a trip back to the fabric store, had this exchange with his tailor:
Tailor: This is way more fabric than I’m going to need for your suit, sir.
Samaki: Use it all, cause I’m not going to return it. I’m gonna be rich in a week.
Tailor: But sir, I couldn’t in good conscien-
Samaki: I SAID USE IT ALL!!!!!!!!
Tailor: God help me for what I’m about to.
And that’s the story of how Samaki Walker ended up with 32-inch cuffs on his jacket.
3. Ronnie Brewer
Something must have gone haywire on draft day. There must have been a last minute trade or a team must have found out about a candidate’s assault charge or seven illegitimate children. Something extraordinary must have occurred, because by the looks of this outfit, Ronnie Brewer was POSITIVE he was getting drafted by the Washington Wizards. Well, he got drafted by the Jazz and ended up looking garishly-attired, rather than color coordinated to within an inch of his life. The road to hell is paved with good intentions. I’m not saying that Ronnie Brewer is going to hell for wearing this outfit, but I bet it’s gonna be a photo-finish.
2. Jalen Rose
Fun fact: Jalen Rose was an off-Broadway struggling actor who misread his call sheet, and thinking he was late for a dress rehearsal of “Guys and Dolls,” ran into Radio City Music hall on draft day and ended up getting picked by the Denver Nuggets. He played in the NBA for fourteen years and put up the kind of numbers that you would expect from an off-Broadway actor mistakenly selected to play power forward in the NBA.
1. Tim Thomas
When Tim Thomas stepped outside, a 3 MPH breeze caught his suit and carried him through the air. That June night in 1997, he started a journey that has yet to end, floating over oceans, islands, and continents the world over, spreading black and white pinstripes to tastefully dressed boys and girls of all nationalities. They say if the night is very still, you can hear him soaring through the sky.
It sounds like a fat guy trying to whistle with a bunch of crackers in his mouth.