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9 Worst Dressed Countries At The 2012 Olympic Opening Ceremony

by: Howard Cosmell On  Monday, July 30, 2012


I’m not a fashion critic. In fact, I can barely dress myself. But I do know stupid when I see it (for example, my face). And as far as things looking stupid, watching the opening ceremony of the 2012 Olympic Games was like hitting the mother load. To be fair, most traditional clothing from around the world looks ridiculous, so simply wearing a grass skirt or lederhosen won’t land your country on this. But lamely attempting to modernize traditional grab or create a whole new look probably will. So, with that in mind, here are nine of the worst offenders from last Friday’s event.


Perhaps a stripped rugby shirt is the traditional dress of Sweden, but I doubt it. And while I understand that blue and yellow are the colors of the Swedish flag, it’s still pretty jarring to look at in this context. It’s almost as if the guy from “Blue’s Clues” made an army of clones and got all of them jobs at Ikea.


Kyrgyzstan is a land steeped in tradition… probably. I’m basing that statement entirely on the hats their delegation wore to the opening ceremony. The Quaker Oats guy wears a hat that looks more contemporary. But even the ladies of Kyrgyzstan seem seem to be sporting this look.


Germany sure has come a long way since 1936. They’ve traded in the whole khaki-militaristic look for that of a ski-jacket maternity ward combo. The light pink and blue colors are perfect for assigning gender roles to infants and, or marching in an Olympic ceremony. And they’ve topped it all off with a Panama hat, which is no doubt a subtle nod to all the Germans who moved to South America in the mid-1940′s. At least that’s what I took away from it. I suppose I could be wrong.


I understand that Mexico is trying to keep with its heritage and display some traditional garb, but something tells me that traditional Mexican garb didn’t include a lot of neon colors. Perhaps the delegation wanted to put a modern spin on an old favorite like the sombrero, but I’m not sure why modernity is being equated with hot pink.


Contrary to popular belief, this is not the Estonian delegation to the 2012 Olympic games. It’s actually a group of convicts from a futuristic Estonian prison. In the year 2112, the Estonian government will begin offering clemency to any citizen convicted of a thought crime, provided they are willing to travel back in time and compete in Olympic games past.


As mentioned above, Germany has spent the past half century trying to distance itself from the whole khaki-militaristic look. Apparently they were able to sell their surplus to Montenegro. I’m not sure if this is an Olympic delegation, or a group of Air Force pilots returning from a successful bombing raid. Well, actually I am sure it’s the former, but I tend to exaggerate.

Solomon Islands

Little-known fact: the Solomon Islands were founded in 1991. As such, here we can see the delegation sporting their traditional dress of Z Cavaricci pants and Hypercolor T-Shirts.


Personally, I think the tiger-stripped Bishop-hats are friggen awesome. But considering my mother dressed me until I was 14, that’s probably a bad thing.


Last but not least, here we see the delegation from the United States wearing that most American of outfits: a French school-girl’s uniform. Because people were so worked up about these uniforms being made in China, the fact that they look ridiculous fell by the wayside. Sure, the US has now been humiliated in front of the entire planet, but on the plus side, at least we can all enjoy this picture of Kobe Bryant wearing a beret.