Earlier this week, Los Angeles Angels first baseman Albert Pujols missed a few games because his wife, Deidre, had their fifth child, Esther Grace. My first thought when I heard that was, “yikes, Esther?” Then, my second thought was, “aww, that’s nice, good for them.” And, finally, my third thought was, “wait, just 5 kids by the age of 32? And all by the same woman? That’s nothing. What, does this guy have a sense of responsibility and self-respect or something?” Because you see, there are some pro athletes out there who seem to be under the impression that our species is in danger of extinction, and thus they go around the country impregnating women like there’s no tomorrow—you know, for the sake of humanity. That, or they really, really like unprotected intercourse.
So today, inspired by Pujols and his relatively small family, I thought I’d do a list of athletes who take fornicating seriously, and thus have broods rival that of Michelle and Jim Bob Duggar. And because these gentlemen so rarely have all their kids with just one woman, like Albert, I’m also including the number of mothers along with the number of children.
Ready to start?
Good, let’s go.