15 High Profile Sports Divorces
Yesterday NASCAR driver Danica Patrick announced to the world that she and her husband of seven years have filed for divorce. And if you are like me, then this news probably left you shocked—but not because you can’t believe things didn’t last. No, if you’re like me you’re shocked because you didn’t even know she was married in the first place.
In any case, Danica now joins a long list of sports celebrities who have gone through high-profile divorce. So today we’re going to take a look at some of them.
Ready? Well, click to see who’s up first…
Married: 53 days
Congrats to the former Mr. Ochocinco. His marriage to the super hot Evelyn Lozada is the shortest on the list. They were married on July 4, 2012, with Chad live-tweeting the whole thing; the infamous domestic disturbance occurred on August 11 (after Evelyn reportedly found a receipt for condoms in the trunk of his car); she filed for divorce on August 14; it was finalized on September 19.
There should have been a red flag when Chad's vows went "until headbutt do us part" instead of the usual "death."
15. Chad Johnson & Evelyn Lozada
Married: 4 years
This one was all over the UK tabloids. Chelsea defender Ashley Cole married Brit pop singer Cheryl Tweedy in 2006. In 2008, they almost split up after allegations sprung up that he had affairs with three women, but he denied the allegations and Cheryl gave him another chance. I guess she's a real romantic.
However, in 2010 four more women came forward, and that was the end of that. Cole had to pay $7 million in the divorce settlement, which works out to an even million bucks per known extramarital tryst.
14. Ashley Cole & Cheryl Tweedy
Married: 16 months
This isn't just the story of one divorce. It's the story of three.
You see, in 2006, tennis great Chris Evert split from her husband of 18 years, former Olympic skier Andy Mills. It cost her $7 million in cash and a $4 million home in Aspen. However, that was nothing compared to what golf legend Greg Norman had to pay to his wife of 25 years, Laura Andrassy, when they divorced that same year: $104 million.
Anyway, after Greg and Chris divorced their first spouses, they hooked up. Then they got engaged in 2007 and married in 2008, setting up a sports superdivorce in 2009.
Of course, when Evert and Norman got divorced, there was no money left to split up. So they just went their separate ways.
13. Greg Norman & Chris Evert
Married: 7 years
Yesterday, as you may have heard, Danica Patrick announced that she and her husband of 7 years, physical therapist Paul Hospenthal, have filed for divorce. Of course, like you do nowadays, Danica made the news public on Facebook. Which I guess is okay, so long as that's now how Paul found out. How'd you like to check your phone and discover your wife de-friended you?
12. Danica Patrick & Paul Hospenthal
Married: 72 days
Everyone speculated that this marriage was a sham designed to boost the ratings of Kim's TV show. However, if it was in fact a sham, why didn't it last longer? I mean, if you're going to try to fool the world into thinking you're a couple, why not commit and make it last for at least 6 months?
So no, I say this was either legit and it fell apart, or one of them was using the other.
11. Kris Humphries & Kim Kardashian
Married: 5 years
I'm going to go ahead and assume the cause listed for this divorce was "irreconcilable douchiness." That, or maybe Kristin just didn't like the fact that the one testicle Lance had left after cancer was shrunken to the size of a penut by all the roids he took.
In any case, Lance had to fork over $14 million in the divorce settlement.
10. Lance Armstrong & Kristin Richard
Married: 24 years
Linda filed for divorce in 2007 after a woman named Christiane Plante claimed she had an affair with the Hulkster. Of course, whether or not that is true, we do know for sure that Hogan engaged in extramarital activities. You know that sex tape that came out recently? Hogan says it was from 6 years ago. (You do the math.)
9. Hulk Hogan & Linda Bolleahulk
Married: 17 years
In 2002, a woman named Karla Knafel came forward and tried to say MJ owed her $5 million bucks for keeping quiet about their 1990 extramarital affair and agreeing not to take a paternity test. I guess the irony of the situation—that she was publicly demanding money for keeping a secret—didn't occur to her.
In any case, Jordan confessed the affair and admitted he paid Knafel $250K to keep her mouth shut, at which point his wife, Juanita, whom he had married in 1989, filed for divorce. However, they tried to reconcile after that, and stuck together for four more years until finally calling it quits.
Interestingly, Jordan agreed to a $168 million settlement with Juanita, but the whole thing seems to have been pretty amicable. On the day their divorce became official, MJ and his ex left the court together to go watch their son play basketball.
8. Michael & Juanita Jordan
Married: 12 years
Former Dodgers first baseman Steve Garvey had a clean-cut, squeaky-clean image. His wife, Cyndy, was his college sweetheart, and she had all-American good looks. Together they were the it couple of L.A. in the late 70s and early 80s.
However, their perfect couple image was shattered in 1983. Steve, you see, had been having affairs, including one with his personal assistant. So Cyndy, naturally, took a baseball bat to the assistant's office and ran off to New York with another guy, and later would get into a fight with Garvey's mother at their daughter's little league baseball game. By 1983 they were divorced, and by 1989 Steve had two paternity suits against him from two separate women and was married to a third.
I guess the guy isn't a fan of prophylactics.
7. Steve & Cyndy Garvey
Married: 10 years
In 2001 Jason Kidd was arrested for domestic battery. He attended anger management classes, and he and Joumana apparently reconciled. But, um, no. In 2007 Joumana snuck into the Nets locker room and stole Kidd's cell phone, then returned to her seat and heckled her own husband. Then Jason filed for divorce, claiming Joumana was an abusive whacko.
Today, of course, Kidd is actually married to someone even hotter than Joumana, which is kind of crazy.
6. Jason Kidd & Joumana Samaha
Married: 4 years
Supposedly Tony cheated on Eva, which is totally understandable because she so frumpy and generally lacking in charisma. No, wait, other way around. She's crazy hot and seems like a pretty cool chick.
I think Tony is just an ass.
5. Tony Parker & Eva Longoria
Married: 8 years
Pictured here is Marty Brodeur's second wife, Genevieve. Funny story about how they met: she was his sister-in-law.
Yep, while married to his first wife, Melanie, Brodeur hooked up with her brother's wife, Genevieve, earning himself the derisive nickname "Uncle Daddy" from opposing fans. Melanie filed for divorce in 2003, and Martin and Genevieve eventually married in 2008. They now have a child of their own together, who is more or less both cousin and half-sibling to Brodeur's other kids.
Wrap your head around that one.
4. Martin & Melanie Brodeur
Married: 30 years
This divorce almost sunk the Los Angeles Dodgers. Frank and Jamie McCourt decided to call in quits after 30 years of marriage back in 2009, but it wasn't very amicable. The two sides couldn't agree on a settlement, and the struggle caused the Dodgers to bleed money. Eventually, in 2010, the team filed for bankruptcy. However, in 2011 Jamie finally agreed to give up her share of the Dodgers for $130 million, which cleared the way for Frank to sell the team for for $2 billion.
Now everyone is happy again in Dodger land. Except Josh Beckett. He's still a prick who plays golf on his days off even though he's injured.
3. Frank & Jamie McCourt
Married: 9 months
It was a match made in heaven—two true American icons, coming together as one. If it had happened in the 2000s instead of the 1950s, they would have been dubbed DiMarilyn by the entertainment press.
Unfortunately, things were not meant to be between Marilyn Monroe and Joltin' Joe DiMaggio. It seems, among other things, that he found Hollywood types "phony" (who knew?) and was somewhat surprised that, after getting hitched, Marilyn didn't drop her career and stay home to cook dinner for him. In fact, supposedly there were some allegations of physical abuse, but obviously I have no way of knowing for sure.
One thing that we do know, however, is that when DiMaggio happened to walk on to the set of The Seven Year Itch during the famous subway grate scene and saw his wife's dress flying up in the air, he was pissed.
They divorced shortly thereafter.
2. Joe DiMaggio & Marilyn Monroe
Married: 6 years
This one was a no-brainer, wasn't it? I mean, strippers, porn stars, weird voicemails, golf clubs busted over heads, sex addiction rehab, crashed cars—this nasty sports divorce had it all. And of course after all the news about Tiger's epic infidelity to his gorgeous Norwegian bikini model of a wife, Elin, she got a ginormous settlement in the range of $100 million.