We’ve all had the experience, right? You’re sitting there, watching some sporting event on TV, when all of a sudden the announcer says something that just makes you chuckle. Why? Because the thing he happened to say sounded vaguely dirty to you—even though it probably shouldn’t, and you might not want to admit it.
You really shouldn’t be ashamed, though. Pretty much any phrase can be made to sound dirty if you remove it from intended context and say it in just the right way, and this is even more true of sports terms. Moreover, you’re not the only one who hears it. I consider myself to be a pretty mature, responsible adult. I have a mortgage and I pay my taxes. But there’s still a part of me that has the sense of humor of a 15-year-old. And that part thinks it’s hilarious when announcers talk about shafts and balls and finding holes in the defense and whatnot.
Today, therefore, we’re going to count down 50 of the funniest, dirty-sounding terms in sports. Obviously, this endeavor is not for everyone. If you are young and impressionable, easily offended, or do not typically enjoy juvenile humor, you probably shouldn’t read any further. On the other hand, if you need a good (and really stupid) laugh to start the week off right, I think you’d better start clicking those arrows. A bunch of dirty-minded nonsense awaits.
Let's start off with an obvious classic, shall we? Since the dawn of time (or the dawn of whenever they starting calling the eligible receiver on the end of the offensive line a "tight end"), man has made puns about this humorously named football position.
50. Tight End
In baseball, a squeeze play is when the batter bunts the ball in order to bring the runner on third home, sacrificing an out for a run. Used out of context, the term "squeeze play" sounds like a move a guy puts on his girlfriend...or vice versa.
49. Squeeze Play
You can thank Matt Damon for making "putt from the rough" sound dirty. Before Good Will Hunting, all this meant was that a golfer was using his putter to hit the ball just off the green. But for some reason, in that movie, Damon used "putt from the rough" to imply that his therapist was gay, and the term stuck.
48. Putt from the Rough
Every once in a while you'll hear baseball announcers breaking down a base running play and going to instant replay to see if the guy "really touched the bag." Obviously they mean "base"—as in first, second, or third—but we have a good laugh anyway.
47. Touch the Bag
A sack is when the quarterback gets tackled. Obviously, some sacks are bigger than others. In fact, you could say some sacks are huge and powerful.
In hockey, the "five hole" is the hole between the goalie's legs, with holes one, two, three, and four being the four corners of the goal.
As for how this term can be dirty—just look at the sign, there.
45. Five Hole
When a basketball player has his attempt to shoot the ball blocked by a defender, we sometimes say he got stuffed. (The innuendo here is obvious.)
44. Get Stuffed
A backdoor slider is a pitch that starts outside the zone and curved back in over the plate for a called strike. Clearly, it's a term would also come in handy while trying to explain certain sex acts in euphemistic terms.
43. Backdoor Slider
A soccer player is "nutmegged" when his opponent pushes the ball between his legs, either while dribbling, shooting, or passing. If you don't see how this sounds dirty, obviously you've never heard this song from Colbert Christmas.
Anytime something goes into a hole, the description is going to sound dirty.
41. Hole in One
In baseball, batting is referred to sometimes as swinging the lumber—you know, because all the bats are made of hard wood.
40. Swing the Lumber
The goalie's job is to stop pucks from going in the net, and when you pull the goalie you leave yourself unprotected.
Figure it out yet? (Hint: the goalie is a condom.)
39. Pull the Goalie
Sometimes you'll hear a basketball announcer or coach or player talk about "stuffing it in the hole." Obviously, what they are talking about is stuffing the basketball through the hoop.
38. Stuff It in the Hole
Doesn't "bat boy" sound like some euphemism you might here at a gay bar? I know if I were gay I'd totally repurpose this expression.
37. Bat Boy
Sometimes when a batter hits a line drive, we call it a "screamer." Fortunately, in the boudoir a "screamer" is a lot less dangerous to the pitcher—though it might get you in trouble with your landlord.
Vladimir Guerrero was one of the biggest "free swingers" in baseball history. Apparently, he was also a pretty big "free swinger" with the ladies, too. The guy supposedly has eight kids with five different women.
35. Free Swinger
In basketball, a rim shot is a shot that clanks off the rim. In sex, a rim shot, technically, is nothing. But is sounds like something.
34. Rim Shot
See? Pretty much anything can be made to sound dirty if you try.
A "muffed kick" or a "muffed throw" wouldn't sounds so funny. But "muffed punt" just sounds dirty. Am I right?
32. Muffed Punt
Most of the dirty-sounding terms from the world of hockey are names of penalties, including this one. A goalie gets a two-minute minor penalty and a $200 fine for "leaving the crease" during a fight.
If there were a $200 for similar infractions in the bedroom, the world would have a lot more people.
31. Leaving the Crease
You know this one already. Let's just move on to the next one.
30. Getting to Second Base
In boxing, it just means getting punched on the chin. As for why it's dirty...like most of these, if I have to explain it you probably shouldn't even be reading this.
29. Take It on the Chin
In the NHL, "butt-ending" is when a player uses the butt of his stick to strike another player, and it's a major penalty that sometimes carry's with it a game misconduct.
I don't know what "butt-ending" would be in the boudoir, but it doesn't sound too great.
I'm pretty sure you could right an entire book about human sexuality using nothing but baseball terminology.
27. Take the Mound
In football and in life, illegal touching is pretty much the same thing: touching something you're not supposed to touch.
26. Illegal Touching
In baseball, the "hit and run" is when the player on first (or second) starts running before the batter hits the ball. The idea isn't necessarily to steal the base, but to get a head start and either avoid a double play or get extra bases in the event of a hit. Of course, "hit and run" also sounds a lot like what douchey guys do with the women they meat in clubs.
25. Hit and Run
In the bedroom, this means pretty much the same thing as the last one. In sports, however, it refers to drivers swiping paint out on the NASCAR track.
24. Bump and Run
Usually, when golfers talk about the 19th hole, they mean the clubhouse bar. But you never know—they could mean this.
23. 19th Hole
I'll assume that you get how "up and in" could be construed as sexual innuendo, so I'll just explain the baseball side of things here: a pitch that is "up and in" is one that nearly hits the batter in the head.
22. Up and In
When a basketball player "takes it to the hole," he's either (a) charging with the basket with the ball for a layup or dunk or (b) finding a hole in the defense and going through it. So, obviously, taking it to the hole is pretty much always a good thing.
21. Take It to the Hole
Attractive women handling fuzzy balls? There are actually too many jokes for me to choose from, here. Let's just move on to the next one.
20. Ball Girls
When a baseball player is a really powerful hitter, you might here people describe him as "swinging a big bat."
When that happens, feel free to chuckle openly, because it is in fact hilarious.
19. Swings a Big Bat
In golf, you "hole out" when you get your ball in the hole—so technically, you "hole out" on every hole. However, most often the phrase is used when you get the ball in the hole unexpectedly, either with a tremendous putt or an approach shot.
Either way, "hole out" just sounds filthy as hell, as does that entire explanation I just gave.
18. Hole Out
In baseball, sometimes weak ground balls "find a hole" and a guy winds up getting to first base. Of course, in other contexts, if you happen to find a hole you've probably just hit a home run.
17. Found a Hole
In football to "split the uprights" is to kick a field goal. You get how that can be dirty, right?
16. Split the Uprights
In baseball, as a hitter, being "in the hole" (with no balls and two strikes) is a bad thing.
15. In the Hole
Here's yet another hockey penalty that sounds dirty. Keep up the good work, guys.
14. Holding the Stick
Let's be real—absolutely everything about golf ball washing is dirty and hilarious, from the very idea to the manner in which the task is executed.
13. Ball Washer
A hooker is a position in rugby. I'm guessing that, in the rugby-loving countries of the world, hookers are not also prostitutes—though if they are, then this is one hell of an intentionally hilarious book title.
In life and in auto racing, you always want to be in the pole position. Am I right?
11. Pole Position
This weightlifting event sounds like a service you might receive from an especially fastidious woman of the night.
10. Clean and Jerk
In cricket, a "sticky wicket" is a wet and soggy playing field. (The field is sometimes called the wicket, even though, technically, the wicket is the set of three wooden poles the bowler is trying to knock over.) Taken out of context it sounds like something else entirely. Wink, wink.
9. Sticky Wicket
Sample baseball usage: "If this guy is going to be successful against these sluggers, he's going to have to come inside on them all day."
Sexual innuendo: quite obvious.
8. Come Inside
In golf, it's just three people playing a round together. In sex it's...well, pretty much the same thing.
LeBron hates it when he gets double-teamed in basketball, and probably elsewhere as well.
6. Double Team
If you're a baseball fan, then you've probably heard this one. If you're not a baseball fan, I swear I'm not making this up. When a batter hits a ball not on the fat part of the bat (that right there sounds dirty) but on the skinny part, down by his firsts, old-time announcers (and some newer ones) will sometimes say something like, "he fisted it to the shortstop."
Penetrate is one of those words that really shouldn't sound dirty. It's a pretty technical-sounding word that literally means "succeed in forcing a way into or through." Nevertheless, any time announcers talk about "good penetration," you just have to giggle.
4. Penetrate the Defense
The only thing funnier than hearing announcers talk about "penetrating the defense" in basketball is hearing them talk about "penetrating the back field" in football. Sure, we know that all they mean is that the defensive linemen are pushing their way past the line of scrimmage to put pressure on the QB, but we can't help it.
3. Penetrate the Back Field
As if MMA wasn't already erotic enough, they had to go and call this move the "rear naked choke."
Tobias, you blow hard!
2. Rear Naked Choke
When one basketball player goes right through another and dunks the ball "in his face," people will sometimes call this getting a "facial"—which is unfortunate.
funny, innuendos, sexual innuendo, sports, sports lingo, sports terminology,