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12 Athletes Who Made Pretty Disturbing Santas

by: Esteban On  Monday, December 23, 2013
Tags:  Christmas   Costumes   Funny   Santa Claus   Weird  

athletes dressed as santa

Around this time of year, you can’t go to a sporting event without seeing at least one person dressed up as good old Santa Clause, whether it’s just some random fan in the crowd or someone the team has hired to make the fans merry. However, you rarely see the actual athletes dressed as Santa.

Why is that? Because so many of them make absolutely terrible Santas. After all, the Man in Red is supposed to be fat and jolly and full of cheer. How many athletes can you think of that fit that description? Oh sure, there are some fat athletes out there. But most of them aren’t very jolly—or if they are, it’s because they’re drunk.

Anyway, you get the idea: athletes in Santa costumes is often a bad idea. And today, to prove my point, I’ve got a list of 12 athletes in particular I would rather not have seen dressed as old St. Nick.

So come on, forget work! It’s two days before Christmas. Your boss doesn’t really expect you to be productive.



12. John Kruk

13 john kruk santa - athletes dressed as santa clause

I could go into John Kruk’s history as mullet enthusiast, and how, despite being a pretty cool dude, he was at one time more famous for being a greasy beast than his ability to hit a baseball. (Hell, Chris Farley parodied the man on Saturday Night Live.) But really, all you need to do is look at this picture. This is not a Santa a kid is going to want to encounter at the mall. 


11. Shaquille O'Neal

12 shaq dressed as santa - athletes dressed as santa clause

What makes Shaq a creepy santa? Well, for starters, he’s enormous. Santa is supposed to be a jolly fat guy, not some seven-foot behemoth who could crush your skull in his bare hand like he’s squeezing a lemon. Any kid is going to take one look at this Santa and be like, “nuh uh, no way.”

More importantly, though, Shaq is a weird dude. And while in most cases that’s a good thing—because he’s funny and entertaining—in this case it’s not. When you think of Santa, you don’t think of this…or this…or this.


10. Bill Belichick

11 bill belichick santa - athletes dressed as santa

Okay, so this is not a real photograph. Bill Belichick only wears pirate costumes. But it certainly makes a point: this is the least jolly man in the NFL today. He doesn’t coach football team to win. He coaches it to make sure nobody else does.  He is the Grinch of the NFL.


9. Deuce & Festus

10 santa deuce vs santa festus wwe - athletes dressed as santa clause

Nothing puts you in the Christmas spirit like two WWE wrestlers dressed like Santa and going at it in the ring, right? Right?

Seriously though, suppose you’re flipping channels and you come across Deuce and Festus (the one flying through the air here) going at it in Santa costumes. How do you explain that to your kid?


8. Joe DiMaggio

9 joe dimaggio santa - athletes dressed as santa

I have no idea what kind of relationship Santa and Mrs. Clause have. Do they respect each other and communicate their needs and feelings? Do they still enjoy spending time with each other after all these years? You’ve got me.

However, I’m pretty sure Santa doesn’t smack Mrs. C. around the way Joe DiMaggio smacked Marilyn Monroe around.

Also, let’s be honest—Joltin’ Joe was a pretty odd-looking dude wearing normal clothes. In a Santa outfit he’s downright creepy. Hell, he’s about to hang that baby on the tree.


7. David Wells

8 david wells santa  - athletes dressed as santa

David Wells, one of the least-fit pro athletes of all-time, claims he was hung over when he pitched his perfect game with the Yankees in 1998. If he were actually Santa, instead of milk and cookies kids would have to leave out a couple sticks of beef jerky and a shot of Jack Daniels.

But hey, at least he has the “bowl full of jelly” part right.


6. Mick Foley

6 mick foley santa - athletes dressed as santa

Mick Foley is actually a really good guy. I looked him up, and it turns out he’s done a ton of great charity work over the years—stuff that’s really near and dear to his heart.

That being said, this legendary WWE heel makes an absolutely terrifying Santa Clause. I mean, we’re talking about Cactus Jack, here. The man inspires nightmares, not visions of sugar plums.


5. Kris & Anna Benson

5 kris and anna benson dressed as santa and mrs. clause - athletes dressed as santa

Okay, so yes, I’ll admit that Anna Benson dressed up as Mrs. Clause is pretty hot. But doesn’t that creep you out?

More importantly, you have to remember that this is the same woman who was just sentenced to 15 years probation for breaking into her now-estranged husband’s house wearing a bullet proof best and an ammunition belt and demanded $30,000 from him at gunpoint.

So yeah, I’d say this couple makes one demented Mr. and Mrs. Clause.


4. Chris "Birdman" Andersen

4 chris birdman andersen santa - athletes dressed as santa

There’s nothing wrong with Chris “Birdman” Andesen…other than the fact that he is absolutely terrifying. Seriously, have you seen this guy? It’s not just the tattoos. It’s the hair, too…and the nasty death stares.

Also, he plays for the Miami Heat, who everybody knows are—unlike Santa—pure evil.


3. Stone Cold Steve Austin

3 stone cold steve austin dressed as santa - athletes dressed as santa clause

Why does the WWE keep dressing their wrestlers up in Santa costumes? Don’t they know it’s disturbing? Stone Cold Steve Austin isn’t jolly, and I’m pretty sure Santa disapproves of violence.

No, Santa should have a beard and little wire-rimmed spectacles and he would be smiling and waving to kids. He shouldn’t be stomping people in the ring.


2. Alexander Ovechkin

2 alex ovechking dressed as santa - athletes dressed as santa clause

Yes, Santa does wear Christmas sweaters when he’s hanging out in the North Pole sweatshop, because he likes to keep the workplace casual. However, he has a beard, not a skeezy little mustache. And he also has all his teeth. So all-in-all, Alex Ovechkin makes a pretty disturbing Santa. 

1. Don King

1 don king dressed as santa - athletes dressed as santa

While the idea of a Santa with bags full of cash does sound appealing, this is Don King we’re talking about here. He’s not giving you any of that money. In fact, if you even ask him for some he’ll probably have one of your goons to and break your grandma’s legs. The man didn’t get where he is today by being nice.