The 2014 Winter Olympics have officially begun in Sochi, which means, for the next 18 days, millions of people will be pretending they actually know something about nordic snowshoeing, freestyle tobogganing, dogsledding, or whatever new exotic winter sports they suddenly profess to love. However, we here at Total Pro Sports are going to stick to what we actually know. So on that note, today we present to you our definitive—yes, definitive—list of the hottest female Olympians in Sochi right now.
Some or even most of them may not make it to the Olympic podium. But whether their sport is snowboarding, hockey, or curling, every last one of them is much more accomplished than I’ll ever be at anything. And, come to think of it, the same goes for the women who didn’t make this list. And all the men. And the media people who get to go over and sleep in unfinished hotels and eat Olympic Village McDonald’s, and the volunteers who get that free Olympic Volunteer swag. They’re all better than me.
But hey, at least I got to make this fun list. I hope you enjoy it.