The Opening Ceremony of the XXII Olympic Winter Games is going on right now. Over 2,800 elite athletes from all around the globe are gathering in Sochi and celebrating this rare and beautiful time in which we all put aside our cultural, religious, and political differences and celebrate our common humanity.
But me? Yeah, I’m writing this list of Olympians with funny-sounding names. And you clicked your way here because you saw the headline and were curious.
However, before we begin, let me address some of the objections people might have to this endeavor.
“Don’t you think this is a little juvenile?” Answer: Yep.
“Why are you making fun of these hard-working athletes?” Answer: I’m not making fun of them. They’re all extremely accomplished and I admire all their hard work. However, if my name were Richard Patterson, I would fully expect people to find that humorous and would understand completely if they had a good laugh.
“Don’t you realize that the names you think are funny are totally normal names in that person’s own language?” Answer: Yes, obviously. Just like I’m sure names like “Frank Williamson” that don’t sound strange to us sound like “Butt Monkey” to people in Latvia. And you know what? I fully expect that the good people of Latvia or wherever would have a good laugh at our funny sounding names.
“Don’t you think this is culturally insensitive?” Answer: No. Lighten up.
“Man these aren’t even funny you suck.” Answer: Sorry, I’ll try to suck less in the future.
So there you have it—my preemptive response to complaints. Now, lets all have a good laugh at people who’s names have dirty English words in them!