Alabama Gives Scholarship to Former Five-Star Recruit Who Can No Longer Play Football
NFL Logos Get Corporate Makeover (Gallery)

40 Funny Names from the 2014 Winter Olympics

by: Esteban On  Friday, February 7, 2014

funny athlete names sochi 2014 winter olympics

The Opening Ceremony of the XXII Olympic Winter Games is going on right now. Over 2,800 elite athletes from all around the globe are gathering in Sochi and celebrating this rare and beautiful time in which we all put aside our cultural, religious, and political differences and celebrate our common humanity.

But me? Yeah, I’m writing this list of Olympians with funny-sounding names. And you clicked your way here because you saw the headline and were curious.

However, before we begin, let me address some of the objections people might have to this endeavor.

“Don’t you think this is a little juvenile?” Answer: Yep.

“Why are you making fun of these hard-working athletes?” Answer: I’m not making fun of them. They’re all extremely accomplished and I admire all their hard work. However, if my name were Richard Patterson, I would fully expect people to find that humorous and would understand completely if they had a good laugh.

“Don’t you realize that the names you think are funny are totally normal names in that person’s own language?” Answer: Yes, obviously. Just like I’m sure names like “Frank Williamson” that don’t sound strange to us sound like “Butt Monkey” to people in Latvia. And you know what? I fully expect that the good people of Latvia or wherever would have a good laugh at our funny sounding names.

“Don’t you think this is culturally insensitive?” Answer: No. Lighten up.

“Man these aren’t even funny you suck.” Answer: Sorry, I’ll try to suck less in the future.

So there you have it—my preemptive response to complaints. Now, lets all have a good laugh at people who’s names have dirty English words in them!

 

40. Satoshi Sakashita

40 satoshi sakashita - funniest names 2014 winter olympics sochi

I know for a fact that I came across a Japanese athlete named Sakashita when compiling the list of funny names at the 2012 Summer Olympics. Guess what? Still funny.

 

39. Cathleen Martini

39 cathleen martini - funniest names 2014 winter olympics sochi

I don’t know how they do things in Germany, but in North America her nickname would almost certainly be Cathleenie Martini.

 

38. Christian Poser

38 christian poser - funniest names 2014 winter olympics sochi

Wouldn’t it be funny if he actually was a poser?

 

37. Macarena Simari Birkner

37 macarena simari birkner - funniest names 2014 winter olympics sochi

Yes, I realize Macarena is a very common name in Spanish-speaking parts of the world. But you know what? It’s also the name of a really terrible song and eponymous dance craze that swept the nation in 1995. That makes it humorous.

 

36. Nikita Nikitin

36 nikita nikitin - funniest names 2014 winter olympics sochi

Russians have a very complex patronymic and surname naming customs, so maybe there’s a really good explanation for Nikita Nikitin. However, to me, it just sounds like somebody named their kid Richard Richards, or Donald Donaldson.

 

35. Justin Snith

35 justin snith - funniest names 2014 winter olympics sochi

Um, was there a typo on the birth certificate or something? Are you sure you don’t mean Smith?

 

34. Apostolos Angelis

34 apostolos angelis - funniest names 2014 winter olympics sochi

Doesn’t “Apostolos Angelis” sound like a Catholic doctrine or Papal encyclical or something?

 

33. Shin Bong-shik

33 bong-shik shin - funniest names 2014 winter olympics sochi

See? It’s funny because his name is Bong.

 

32. Per Spett

32 per spett - funniest names 2014 winter olympics sochi

First of all, how awesome- but also slightly scary-looking is this dude? Second, his name is Per Spett, which you can just do so much with. For example, “Son, I think you need some Per Spett-tive,” or “I Spett on your face.”

 

31. Sugar Todd

31 sugar todd - funniest names 2014 winter olympics sochi

When I saw this name I assumed that she was born in Boulder or some place like that, and that her parents were hippies. However, it turns out she was born in Omaha and grew up on a Nebraska farm. Also, her full name is actually Sugar Raeshelle-Faye Chelsea Todd.

I don’t know if her parents were hippies, but they certainly were indecisive.

 

30. Lucia Anger

30 lucia anger - funniest names 2014 winter olympics sochi

In German, anger means meadow, which is a lovely name. But in English anger means strong feeling of annoyance, displeasure, or hostility, which is not so lovely.

 

29. Tobias Angerer

29 tobias angerer - funniest names 2014 winter olympics sochi

He’s not angry himself. He just makes other people angry.

 

28. Monique Angermueller

28 monique angermueller - funniest names 2014 winter olympics sochi

Translated literally, “Angermueller” means meadow miller, which suggest Monoque’s distant relatives operated a machine that grinds up wheat into flower somewhere in the German countryside.

In English it just sounds funny.

 

27. David Bakes

27 david bakes - funniest names 2014 winter olympics sochi

What does David bake? Lots of things. David Bakes cookies. David Bakes hams. David bakes cinnamon buns. David bakes cherry strudel. You name it and David Bakes it.

 

26. Matthias Guggenberger

26 matthias guggenberger - funniest names 2014 winter olympics sochi

Guggenberger doesn’t sound like anything in particular, but it’s still something a kid on this side of the Atlantic would get made fun of in the school yard.

 

25. Bob De Jong

25 bob de jong - funniest names 2014 winter olympics sochi

Daan, Ruben, Luuk, Thomas, Lars—those are all names you are used to seeing Dutch men have. But Bob? Bob De Jong? That’s odd.

 

24. Bobby Brown

24 bobby brown - funniest names 2014 winter olympics sochi

I’d criticize this guy’s parents for naming him Robert and then calling him Bobby. But hey, it’s their prerogative.

 

23. Rene Swette

23 rene swette - funniest names 2014 winter olympics sochi

When your last name is Swette, the puns are endless. Swette suit, Swette shirt—they’re all good.

 

22. Byambadorj Bold

22 byambadorj bold - funniest names 2014 winter olympics sochi

Mongolia has some truly epic names. Byambadorj Bold is one of them.

I just wish I had the first clue how to pronounce it.

 

21. Beat Feuz

21 beat feuz - funniest names 2014 winter olympics sochi

Feuz wouldn’t be amusing at all if this guy’s name was Richard or Gerhardt, or something like that. But combined with Beat, yes, it’s pretty funny.

 

20. Ieva Januskeviciute

20 leva januskeviciute - funniest names 2014 winter olympics sochi

Man, they use syllables like their going out of style in Lithuania.

 

19. Ida Ingermarsdotter

19 ida ingemarsdotter - funniest names 2014 winter olympics sochi

Ingermars or Marsdotter wouldn’t be such a mouthful. But Ida Ingermarsdotter just has way more syllables than I, for one, am accustomed to. Good luck to all the native English-speaking cross-country commentators out there.

 

18. Ingrida Ardisauskaite

18 ingrida ardisauskaite - funniest names 2014 winter olympics sochi

There goes Lithuania again with their crazy names. Fun fact: you can tell Ingrida isn’t married because her names ends in =aite.

Thanks, Wikipedia!

 

17. Erla Asgeirsdottir

17 erla asgeirsdottir - funniest names 2014 winter olympics sochi

Really, though, Lithuania has nothing on Iceland when it comes to long and incredibly difficult-to-pronounce surnames. However, this one is phonetic. It literally means “Asgeir’s daughter.” In Iceland they don’t hand surnames down. Instead, they take the dad’s name and as -son or -daughter to the end. So obviously Erla’s father is named Asgeir.

 

16. Helga Maria Vilhjalmsdottir

16 helga maria vilhjalmsdottir - funniest names 2014 winter olympics sochi

Once you get the hang of it Icelandic names aren’t so hard. Vilhjalm comes from Vilhjalmur, which is their version of William. So this is William’s Daughter…which really clears things up, cause there’s only one William in Iceland, right?

In any case, Helba Maria Vilhjalmsdottir is quite a tonge-twitter.

 

15. Hubertus Von Hohenlohe

15 hubertus von hohenlohe - funniest names 2014 winter olympics sochi

The oldest athlete at the 2014 Winter Olympics has a name that sounds like one I would make up for my cat.

Don’t feel bad for him, though. He’s actually an Austrian prince, and thus very wealthy.

 

14. James Woods

14 james woods - funniest names 2014 winter olympics sochi

I guess this guy’s parents just were not aware that there is a fairly famous actor named James Woods…or they didn’t care.

 

13. Andreas Wank

13 andreas wank - funniest names 2014 winter olympics sochi

Now that is truly unfortunate. You don’t even have to be British to know what “wank” means.

 

12. Daria Yurlova

12 daria yurlova - funniest names 2014 winter olympics sochi

I know it’s probably pronounced yer-low-va. But it looks like yer-love-uh. And that makes me laugh.

Who, my lova? No, yur lova.

 

11. Semen Elistratov

11 semen elistratov - funniest names 2014 winter olympics sochi

No comment necessary for this one. Moving on.

 

10. Thomas Hundertpfund

10 thomas hundertpfund - funniest names 2014 winter olympics sochi

It looks like somebody sneezed while typing this guys name and accidentally added a few extra consonants in there.

 

9. Otgontsetseg Chinbat

9 otgontsetseg chinbat - funniest names 2014 winter olympics sochi

Man Mongolian names are amazing. And I thought the English-speaking cross-country TV people were going to have a tough time with Ingermarsdotter.

 

8. Matthias Bieber

8 matthias bieber - funniest names 2014 winter olympics sochi

Now there’s a name you don’t want to have these days.

 

7. Jonathan Midol

7 jonathan midol - funniest names 2014 winter olympics sochi

Poor kid. His parents named him after an over-the-counter menstrual cramp medication.

 

6. Jayson Terdiman

6 jayson terdiman - funniest names 2014 winter olympics sochi

No matter how much Jayson here insisted that his name is pronounced terd-imin (like vitamin with a terd instead of vita), you know everyone called him turdy-man. Or the turd-man. Or turdmeister.

 

5. Rosalind Groenewoud

5 rosalind groenewoud - funniest names 2014 winter olympics sochi

Growin’ wood? From the looks of it, yes.

 

4. Luca Cunti

4 luca cunti - funniest names 2014 winter olympics sochi

I don’t need to explain this one, right?

 

3. Jenni Asserholt

3 jenni asserholt - funniest names 2014 winter olympics sochi

Come on, ass is right there in the name. It’s too easy.

 

2. Jakov Fak

2 jakov fak - funniest names 2014 winter olympics sochi

Andreas Wank, meet Jakov Fak. I feel like you two will have a lot in common.

 

1. Seraina Boner

1 seraina boner - funniest names 2014 winter olympics sochi

I don’t know much about her, but Seraina Boner certainly looks like a fine, upstanding citizen.

(Hey, always end on a good erection joke.)

 




CHECK OUT THESE STORIES FROM THE WEB

LATEST STORIES