2014 Sochi Olympics: Alex Ovechkin Scores 77 Seconds into Russia's Opener vs. Slovenia (GIF)
Tracy McGrady Is Trying to Become a Professional Baseball Player (Video)

21 Figure Skating Costumes that Were Obviously Designed by Somebody on Acid

by: Esteban On  Thursday, February 13, 2014

craziest figure skating costumes all-time

There are a lot of interesting uniforms at the 2014 Winter Olympics, from the mariachi ski suit of Mexican skier Hubertus Von Hohenlohe to the seizure-inducing pants of the Norwegian men’s curling team. However, nobody—and I do mean nobody—can match the insanity of the figure skating costumes. These things get more extreme every single time out. In fact, I’m fairly confident that by 2022 they’ll be skating totally nude—but with metallic body paint all over and flashing LED lights implanted just underneath the skin.

In any case, today I thought we’d pay tribute to the fabulous psychedelic drug-fueled world of figure skating costumes with a list of the craziest costumes in the history of the sport…that I could find on the internet. Take a look. You won’t regret it. Probably.

 

25. Christmas Sweater Barf

jana khokhlova and sergei novitski - crazy figure skating costumes

Jane Khokhlova & Sergei Novitski / Russia / Vancouver 2010

I realize this is supposed to be some sort of traditional russian costume or something, but it looks like my dog ate an entire Christmas sweater and then barfed it back up.

 

24. The Dallas Mavericks Logo

krystyna-klimczak-and-janusz-karweta-crazy-figure-skating-costume

Krystyna Klimczak & Janusz Karweta / Poland / Sochi 2014

Is it just me, or does this getup remind anyone else of the Dallas Mavericks logo? I’m not saying it’s an exact match or anything, but I immediately thought of the logo when I saw this.  

 

23. Cowpeople

France's Nathalie Pechalat and Fabian Bo

Nathalie Pechalat & Fabian Bourzat / France / Vancouver 2010

Because France is known for their cowboys and country line-dancing.

 

22. Ethnic Overkill

tanith belbin and benjamin agosto - crazy figure skating costume

Tanith Belbin & Benjamin Agosto / USA / Vancouver 2010

Here’s another attempt at a costume inspired by some sort of traditional ethnic garb, and on the bright side it doesn’t look like dog puke. It is, however, a bit extreme—especially since these two are not from…wherever it is these costumes are supposed to be from.

 

21. Aladdin & Jasmine

21-aladdin-insane-crazy-weird-figure-skating-costumes1

Aliona Savchenko & Robin Szolkowy / Germany / Grand Prix 2007

The 2014 Olympic bronze medalists are known for their penchant for whacky costumes. Did you happen to see this one? Holy moly.

 

20. Send in the Clowns

20 clowns - insane crazy weird figure skating costumes

Aliona Savchenko & Robin Szolkowy / Germany / European Championships 2010

Here’s another one from this German pairs team. They really did skate to the song “Send in the Clowns,” too.

 

19. Snakes on a...Figure Skater?

19-lysacek-insane-crazy-weird-figure-skating-costumes

Evan Lysacek / USA / Vancouver 2010

Evan Lysacek almost had the most manly, badass figure skating costume in the history of the sport. Then he was like, “you know what, throw a couple of rhinestone snakes on that baby,” and it all went to sh*t.

 

18. Purple Nightmare

Marina Aganina and Artem Knyazev

Marina Aganina & Artem Knyazev / Uzbekistan / Torino 2006

This costume was originally designed for Prince, but he rejected it because he thought it made him look too feminine.

 

17. Flower Power

17 flower child - insane crazy weird figure skating costumes

Barbara Fusar-Poli & Maurizio Margaglio / Italy / Torino 2006

At least her Honalulu Barbie getup distracted from Maurizio’s bedazzled pirate shirt.

 

16. Skate Like an Egyptian

16 mummy - insane crazy weird figure skating costumes

Nathalie Pechalat & Fabian Bourzat / France / Grand Prix 2011

Seriously, that’s the worst mummification job ever. Those bandages are way too loose.

 

15. White Out

15 white bodysuits - insane crazy weird figure skating costumes

Aliona Savchenko & Robin Szolkowy / Germany / Grand Prix 2013

On Aliona the costume works. But on Robin there…wow that’s alotta white spandex.

 

14. Space Stripper of the Future

14 Ruslan+Goncharov+Elena+Grushina+Olympics - insane crazy weird figure skating costumes

Elena Grushina & Ruslan Goncharov / Ukraine / Torino 2006

Elena here looks like some lustful space vixen from a late-night soft-core porn movie on Cinemax.

 

13. A Peacock on Fire

13 phoenix rising - insane crazy weird figure skating costumes

Jana Khokhlova & Sergei Novit / Russia / Vancouver 2010

This is one intense getup. If I had to guess I’d say Jana is supposed to be a Phoenix rising from the ashes or something. However, in my mind she’s a peacock who is on fire, and Sergei is trying to put her out.

 

12. Afro-Brazilian Nightmare

12 gypsies - insane crazy weird figure skating costumes

Kimberly Navarro & Brent Bommentre / USA / U.S. Figure Skating Championships 2010

What do you suppose gave these jackasses the idea to do an Afro-Brazilian-inspired dance in which Brent wears a dread wig? Sweet mother of Jesus.

Also, is it just me or does it look like he’s about to slap her?

 

11. Chester Cheetah on Roids

11 kulik - insane crazy weird figure skating costumes

Ilia Kulik / Russia / Nagano 1998

“No Yuri, I totally love the cheetah print and the vest. I just think it needs some shoulder pads or something.”

 

10. Amazing Technicolored Ladies Blazer

10-sequin-blazer-insane-crazy-weird-figure-skating-costumes

Viktor Petrenko / Russia / Lillehammer 1994

Viktor borrow this jacket from Liza Minnelli. True story.

 

9. Captain Planet

9 weird green shirt guy - insane crazy weird figure skating costumes

Kevin Van Der Perren / Belgium / Vancouver 2010

I’m guessing this guy was going for some sort of nature/environmental theme with all the leaves. However, really he just looks dumb.

 

8. Big Red

8 big red - insane crazy weird figure skating costumes

Brian Orser / Canada / Calgary 1988

And to think, at the time nobody knew this guy was gay. 

 

7. The Fantastic Two

7-blue-men-insane-crazy-weird-figure-skating-costumes

Tatiana Volosozhar & Stanislav Morozov / Ukraine / Vancouver 2010

Poor Stan is thinking, Jesus, all my high school friends are watching me skate around in a shinier version of a Fantastic Four uniform.

 

6. The Fabulous Sparkle Zebra

6 zebra sequins gloves - insane crazy weird figure skating costumes

Stéphane Lambiel / Switzerland / Torino 2006

It’s the collar that really makes the outfit, don’t you think?

 

5. The Black Swan

5-johnny-weir-3-insane-crazy-weird-figure-skating-costumes

Johnny Weir / USA / Unknown 2010 Performance

Hey, is that Lady Gaga? No, it’s Johnny “I Don’t Give a F@#$ What People Think” Weir.

I actually kind of admire this guy’s attitude, even if it did detract from his athleticism.

 

4. The White Swan

4 johnny weir - insane crazy weird figure skating costumes

Johnny Weir / USA / Torino 2006

What can I say? This dude loves the whole black swan/white swan motif.

 

3. The Kinky Dominatrix Swan

3 johnny weir 2 - insane crazy weird figure skating costumes

Johnny Weir / USA / Vancouver 2010

Of course, he also loves dressing up like a transvestite dominatrix.

 

2. Cultural Sensitivity

2 native tribal costume - insane crazy weird figure skating costumes

Oksana Domnina & Maxim Shabalin / Russia / European Championships 2010

This was actually supposed to be a “tribute” to the aboriginal cultures of the world—a tribute in which they wore tan nude bodysuits covered with loin cloths and leaves.

Needless to say, the aboriginal cultures of the world were like, “yeah, thanks.”

 

1. Magic Mike

1 evgeni pluschenko - insane crazy weird figure skating costumes

Evgeni Plushenko / Russia / Various 2005-06 Competitions

You may have seen this epic performance floating around the internet this week, remixed to Ginuwine’s “Pony.” But just in case you haven’t…

Yep. That happened.




CHECK OUT THESE STORIES FROM THE WEB

LATEST STORIES