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The 30 Most Hideous Soccer Jerseys of All Time

by: Esteban On  Tuesday, March 11, 2014
Tags:  Jerseys   Soccer   Ugly Jerseys   Uniforms  

ugliest-soccer-jerseys-ugliest-football-kits

The vast majority of soccer uniforms are pretty unadventurous. In hockey and football they wear shirts and pants with bold blocks of color and lots of stripes, but in soccer the designs are typically more subdued. 

This is certainly the case with the uniforms the U.S. Men’s National Team will wear at the 2014 FIFA World Cup. In fact, subdued probably doesn’t do them justice. Extremely boring is more apt, seeing as how they look like plain white golf shirts.

However, not all soccer uniforms are boring. When teams do decide to get adventurous and break with tradition, the kits tend to look like they were designed by a cubist on acid. And today, to prove to American soccer fans that the new uniforms could have been worse, we’re going to look at the 30 most batsh*t insane soccer jerseys of all time.

Enjoy!

30. Recreativo de Huelva, 2012-13

30 recreativo hummel away kit 2012-13 - worst soccer uniforms all time - worst football kits all time

Let’s kick things off with the away kits sported by Spanish club Recreativo last year. If they remind you of Minnie Mouse, there’s a pretty good reason for that.

 

29. Jamaica, 1998

29 jamaica 1998 kit - worst soccer uniforms all time - worst football kits all time

The uniforms worn by the Jamaican national team in 1998 were a little busy, and that collar was brutal.

 

28. Kansas City Wizards, 1996

28 kansas city wizards 1996 - worst soccer uniforms all time - worst football kits all time

Here’s the original uniform for the Kansas City Wizards, who have since been renamed Sporting Kansas City because the MLS thinks this sort of thing will trick American soccer fans into thinking it is just as good as European leagues.

 

27. Nottingham Forrest, 1995-97

27-nottingham-forrest-away-1995-97-worst-soccer-uniforms-all-time-worst-football-kits-all-time

Here’s another mid-90s classic. Apparently whoever designed this kit was a big fan of Jackson Pollock.

 

26. Barcelona, 2012-13

26 barcelona 2012-13 away kit - worst soccer uniforms all time - worst football kits all time

I guess Barcelona was getting complaints from older fans that the team was hard to see on TV?

 

25. Derby Country, 1949

25 derby country 1949 button down disco shirts - worst soccer uniforms all time - worst football kits all time

Look at that handsome-ass bastard. Guy’s ready to go to the disco and dance to the Bee Gees and it’s only 1949.

 

24. Norwich City, 1992-93

24 Norwich City 1992-93 - worst soccer uniforms all time - worst football kits all time

In case you haven’t noticed, abstract wallpaper patterns were popular in the early 1990s.

 

23. Shimizu S-Pulse, 2001

23-shimizu-s-pulse-organ-camo-map-2001-worst-soccer-uniforms-all-time-worst-football-kits-all-time

Bright orange and yellow shirts weren’t enough for this Japanese club. They also added a map on top of some pretty sweet orange and yellow camo, just to confuse the hell out of everybody.

 

22. Los Angeles Galaxy, 1996

22-los-angeles-galaxy-1996-worst-soccer-uniforms-all-time-worst-football-kits-all-time

I bet whoever designed the original L.A. Galaxy jerseys was the same person who designed the original Phoenix Coyotes jerseys.

 

21. Athletic Bilbao, 2004-05

21 athletic bilbao dario urzay-designed kits 2004-05 - worst soccer uniforms all time - worst football kits all time

We certainly couldn’t leave Bilbao’s famous ketchup camo kits off this list.

 

20. Sierra Leone, 2011-12

20 sierra leone kit 2011-12 - worst soccer uniforms all time - worst football kits all time

The colors are great, and I like the classic Hummel arrows on the shoulders. But the patter is an absolute nightmare, as is the crazy panther print right there on the abdomen. Here’s a closer, more detailed look.

 

19. Tottenham, 1977

19-tottenham-kit-1977-worst-soccer-uniforms-all-time-worst-football-kits-all-time

Tottenham could be forgiven for letting Admiral stamp their logo all over these jerseys, and for this particular shade of dijon yellow. But those half-suspenders/untied tie/shoulder sideburns are too much.

 

18. Mexico, 1998

18 mexico 1998 jersey - worst soccer uniforms all time - worst football kits all time

It’s nice that they tried to incorporate some of Mexico’s traditional iconography into this kit from 1998. Unfortunately, the result looks more like something your dad would buy at Tommy Bahama than a soccer jersey.

 

17. Bury FC, 1992-93

17 bury f.c. 1992-93 away - worst soccer uniforms all time - worst football kits all time

With uniforms this hideous, Bury deserves to be on the fourth tier of the English football pyramid.

 

16. Reggina Calcio SpA, 2012-13

16 reggina 2012-13 derby kit - worst soccer uniforms all time - worst football kits all time

That’s right—jerseys that look like statue torsos. Italian side Reggina wore these for their two derby matches against local rivals Messina during the 2012-13 season.

Wow.

 

15. Juventus, 2011-12

15 juventus away kit 2011 - worst soccer uniforms all time - worst football kits all time

Of course, it’s not just the small-time Italian clubs who have sported awful kits in recent years. This was mighty Juventus’s away shirt for the 2011-12 season.

 

14. Dundee United, 1993-94

14 dundee united 1993 kit - worst soccer uniforms all time - worst football kits all time

I don’t know about you, but I just can’t get enough of sports jersey’s that look like modern abstract art.

 

13. USA, 1994

13 usa away kit 1994 world cup - worst soccer uniforms all time - worst football kits all time

Anyone who remembers this insane acid-washed denim look from the 1994 squad certainly won’t be complaining too much about the Americans’ 2014 jerseys, right?

 

12. Dundee United, 1953

12 dundee tartan kit 1953 - worst soccer uniforms all time - worst football kits all time

Look closely at the guy on the right, friends, because he is wearing plaid. (Well, technically it’s “tartan,” but you get the idea.)

Here’s a better look.

 

11. La Hoya Lorca, 2013-14

11 la hoya lorca broccoli uniforms 2013 - worst soccer uniforms all time - worst football kits all time

This third-tier Spanish club decided to use their 2013-14 uniforms to pay tribute to the most important agricultural product of their region. Can you guess what that crop is?

If you said broccoli, you are correct.

 

10. San Jose Clash, 1996

10-san-jose-clash-1996-worst-soccer-uniforms-all-time-worst-football-kits-all-time

Today they’re called the San Jose Earthquakes, but originally they were called the Clash…presumably because their uniforms clashed with everything.

 

9. Fiorentina, 1992-93

9-fiorentina-1992-93-worst-soccer-uniforms-all-time-worst-football-kits-all-time

Not everyone sees it at first, but if you look hard at this crazy pattern eventually you’ll spot all the swastikas. And of course, once you do spot them, they are all you see.

 

8. Scunthorpe United, 1993-94

8-scunthorpe-united-1993-worst-soccer-uniforms-all-time-worst-football-kits-all-time

I had a comforter that looked just like this when I was 13 years old. Apparently it was a popular print.

 

7. Birmingham City, 1992-93

7-birmingham-city-1992-93-kit-worst-soccer-uniforms-all-time-worst-football-kits-all-time

I’m not sure whether these look more like pajamas or funky nurse’s scrubs.

 

6. Huddersfield, 1991-92

6 huddersfield kit 1991-92 - worst soccer uniforms all time - worst football kits all time

“Hey guys, what if the team wore huge oversized tie-dyed jerseys this year?”

 

5. VFL Bochum, 1997-98

5-VFL-Bochum-1997-kits-worst-soccer-uniforms-all-time-worst-football-kits-all-time

This is how VFL Bochum commemorated their demotion from the top tier of German football in 1996—insane rainbow kits.

 

4. Coventry City, 1970s

4 coventry city brown kit 1970s - worst soccer uniforms all time - worst football kits all time

You have to love this iconic 70s kit. So brown and so stripey. This guy’s gingerfro is just the icing on the cake.

 

3. Hull City, 1992-95

3-hull-city-tiger-print-1992-95-worst-soccer-uniforms-all-time-worst-football-kits-all-time

Most of the worst soccer uniforms of all-time were just worn for a single season before the club had the sense to change them. Not these babies, though. Hull City went with the baggy tiger print look for three whole seasons.

 

2. Cameroon, 2004

2-cameroon-2004-cup-of-nations-onesies-worst-soccer-uniforms-all-time-worst-football-kits-all-time

These don’t look strange to you? Well look closer. The shorts and shirts are connected. In 2004, Cameroon wore the world’s first soccer onesies in the Africa Cup of Nations.

 

1. Colorado Caribous, 1978

1-1978-colorado-caribous-jersey-worst-soccer-uniforms-all-time-worst-football-kits-all-time

As bad as Cameroon’s onesies were, we still have to give the top (bottom?) spot to these atrocities from the Colorado Caribous of the long-defunct North American Soccer League. I mean, they had tassels all the way around the chest like decorative cowboy chaps.

These aren’t just the worst soccer uniforms ever. They might be the worst sports uniforms period.

 




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