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Minor League Killing Machine Takes Out Batter, Catcher, and Ump in One Pitch (Video)

by: Penn Collins On  Tuesday, July 29, 2014
Tags:  Beanball   Minor League  

Screen Shot 2014-07-29 at 12.26.55 PM

Curtis Partch must be a finely-tuned killing machine, created in a military laboratory, and just biding time pitching in the minor leagues¬†until he’s needed in a war or black op.

That’s the only explanation as to how this seemingly innocuous ginger-haired, bemulleted fella could take out three parties with one pitch. His mind-computer must have calculated all the angles of refraction while also taking time to lay the trajectories against a template of the human anatomy in order to cause the most injury possible.

Here’s the video:

The Louisville Bats have a secret weapon, and I’m sure the Reds are salivating, thinking about starting Partch for their next inter-league game against the Yankees. We all are, frankly.

MOTION TO FORMALLY BEQUEATH UPON CURTIS PARCH THE NICKNAME “WIDOWMAKER.”

*BOOM GOES THE GAVEL*

MOTION APPROVED.

Hat Tip – [@theScore]



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