Wes Welker Suspended Four Games After Testing Positive for Amphetamines
So you know how Wes Welker seemed to be having an especially good time at the Kentucky Derby back in May, partying with friends and handing out $100 bills to strangers? Well, funny thing. It turns out Welker was probably high on Molly at the time…which would definitely explain it.
What is Molly, you ask? Ostensibly it’s pure MDMA—or methylenedioxymethamphetamine for you scientists out there—which is the active ingredient in Ecstasy. However, in actuality you never know exactly what’s going to be in Molly, because the production is unregulated, and drug dealers tend to be unscrupulous people who don’t care about your wellbeing.
I mention all this because Wes Welker has been suspended for four games by the NFL for violating the league’s performance enhancing drugs policy. Apparently he took a drug test shortly after the Kentucky Derby in May, which came back positive for amphetamines. And according to a source who spoke to Mike Florio of NBC’s Pro Football Talk, Welker took a Molly at the Derby.
Now, if you look closely, the word “amphetamine” is right there in methylenedioxymethamphetamine, so maybe you say, well, that makes sense. But it doesn’t, really. You can tell if someone has taken methylenedioxymethamphetamine or some other form of amphetamine, and if Welker had only taken the former and not the latter he would have been suspended for violating the league’s substance abuse policy, not their PED policy.
So what happened? In all likelihood, Welker took a Molly that was cut with amphetamines. Because, again, drug dealers cannot be trusted.
Of course, Welker denies that he took any drug. “I wouldn’t have any idea where to get a Molly or what a Molly is,” he told the Denver Post. “That’s a joke. I don’t do marijuana, I don’t do drugs. I don’t do any drugs.”
But if that’s the case, then that means either somebody slipped a Molly into his drink, or the test was seriously compromised. And I don’t know about you, but to me those scenarios seem unlikely…though stranger things have happened.
Either way, the ironic thing here is that this suspension could ultimately be a good thing for Welker. Right now he’s out with a concussion—his third since last November—and it wouldn’t hurt to take a return off the table until October.
Hat Tip – [Deadspin]