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The 25 Greatest South Park Athlete Parodies of All Time

by: Esteban On  Thursday, September 25, 2014

south park athlete parodies (south park sports)

As you have probably heard by now, the Season 18 premiere of South Park was pretty much one long indictment of that Washington NFL team with the offensive nickname. Advertised on Fox during the Washington-Philadelphia game the Sunday before, the episode took full advantage of the fact that the U.S Patent Office had revoked the team’s trademarks, causing quite a stir. However, it was hardly the first time the show has sunk its satirical teeth into the world of professional sports, or even the NFL.

Today we’re going to see where the most recent “guest appearances” rank among the 25 most memorable South Park athlete parodies of all time.

Sit back, take a look and, as always, let us know if you think we missed any.

 

 

south park athlete parodies (south park sports)

As you have probably heard by now, the Season 18 premiere of South Park was pretty much one long indictment of that Washington NFL team with the offensive nickname. Advertised on Fox during the Washington-Philadelphia game the Sunday before, the episode took full advantage of the fact that the U.S Patent Office had revoked the team’s trademarks, causing quite a stir. However, it was hardly the first time the show has sunk its satirical teeth into the world of professional sports, or even the NFL.

Today we’re going to see where the most recent “guest appearances” rank among the 25 most memorable South Park athlete parodies of all time.

Sit back, take a look and, as always, let us know if you think we missed any.

 

 

21 NASCAR dale earnhardt jr jimmie stewart danica patrick tony stewart matt kenseth  - south park athlete parodies - sports figures parodied on south park.jpg

“Poor and Stupid” – October 6, 2010

Cartman decides he wants to be a NASCAR driver. However, he doesn’t think he’s poor and stupid enough. So he gives all his money to Butters, starts watching Two and a Half Men, and eats a bunch of Vagisil, which eventually sponsors his car even after he causes a wreck that leaves 11 people dead.

As you can see the episode featured Tony Stewart, Matt Kenseth, Dale Earnhardt Jr., Jimmie Johnson, and Danica Patrick.

 

25. NASCAR

21 NASCAR dale earnhardt jr jimmie stewart danica patrick tony stewart matt kenseth  - south park athlete parodies - sports figures parodied on south park.jpg

“Poor and Stupid” – October 6, 2010

Cartman decides he wants to be a NASCAR driver. However, he doesn’t think he’s poor and stupid enough. So he gives all his money to Butters, starts watching Two and a Half Men, and eats a bunch of Vagisil, which eventually sponsors his car even after he causes a wreck that leaves 11 people dead.

As you can see the episode featured Tony Stewart, Matt Kenseth, Dale Earnhardt Jr., Jimmie Johnson, and Danica Patrick.

 

20 jay cutler  - south park athlete parodies - sports figures parodied on south park

“Guitar Queer-O” – November 7, 2007

Stan and Kyle become Guitar Hero champions and get invited to a swanky party. There they meet all sorts of local celebrities who fawn over their Guitar Hero prowess, and one of them is, of course, former Broncos (current Bears) quarterback Jay Cutler.

 

24. Jay Cutler

20 jay cutler  - south park athlete parodies - sports figures parodied on south park

“Guitar Queer-O” – November 7, 2007

Stan and Kyle become Guitar Hero champions and get invited to a swanky party. There they meet all sorts of local celebrities who fawn over their Guitar Hero prowess, and one of them is, of course, former Broncos (current Bears) quarterback Jay Cutler.

 

19 roger goodell sarcastaball  - sports figures parodied on south park

“Sarcastaball” – September 26, 2012

Embattled NFL commissioner Roger Goodell first appeared on South Park in 2012, during the episode making fun of the NFL’s replacement referees.

 

23. Roger Goodell

19 roger goodell sarcastaball  - sports figures parodied on south park

“Sarcastaball” – September 26, 2012

Embattled NFL commissioner Roger Goodell first appeared on South Park in 2012, during the episode making fun of the NFL’s replacement referees.

 

roger goodell goodellbot - sports figures parodied on south park

“Go Fund Yourself” – September 24, 2014

Roger Goodell made another appearance on the Season 18 premiere. This time it was revealed that the NFL commissioner is actually just a robot hired by the owners. However, recent crises cause him to malfunction and become utterly useless…just like the real Roger Goodell.

The best part? The episode uses actual audio from the press conference in which Goodell made those vague promises about the league fixing itself in the wake of the Ray Rice video scandal.

 

 

22. Roger Goodellbot

roger goodell goodellbot - sports figures parodied on south park

“Go Fund Yourself” – September 24, 2014

Roger Goodell made another appearance on the Season 18 premiere. This time it was revealed that the NFL commissioner is actually just a robot hired by the owners. However, recent crises cause him to malfunction and become utterly useless…just like the real Roger Goodell.

The best part? The episode uses actual audio from the press conference in which Goodell made those vague promises about the league fixing itself in the wake of the Ray Rice video scandal.

 

 

18 tony kornheiser and michael wilbon pti  - sports figures parodied on south park

“Poor and Stupid” – October 6, 2010

In “Poor and Stupid,” the episode in which Cartman becomes a NASCAR driver, Pardon the Interruption plays a controversial rant against Obama and cites it as evidence that NASCAR is just for the poor and stupid. Only Kornheiser talks, but Wilbon is there, hanging in.

 

21. Tony Kornheiser and Michael Wilbon

18 tony kornheiser and michael wilbon pti  - sports figures parodied on south park

“Poor and Stupid” – October 6, 2010

In “Poor and Stupid,” the episode in which Cartman becomes a NASCAR driver, Pardon the Interruption plays a controversial rant against Obama and cites it as evidence that NASCAR is just for the poor and stupid. Only Kornheiser talks, but Wilbon is there, hanging in.

 

17 john cena edge  - sports figures parodied on south park

“W.T.F.” – October 21, 2009

The boys attend a WWE Raw event and decide that they’re all going to be professional wrestlers when they grow up. However, after signing up for a wrestling class and discovering that real wrestling is nothing like the WWE, they decide to create their own promotion called WTF, which WWE Chairman Vince McMahon eventually scouts for talent.

 

20. John Cena, Edge, and Vince McMahon

17 john cena edge  - sports figures parodied on south park

“W.T.F.” – October 21, 2009

The boys attend a WWE Raw event and decide that they’re all going to be professional wrestlers when they grow up. However, after signing up for a wrestling class and discovering that real wrestling is nothing like the WWE, they decide to create their own promotion called WTF, which WWE Chairman Vince McMahon eventually scouts for talent.

 

16 detroit red wings  - sports figures parodied on south park

“Stanley’s Cup” – November 15, 2006

The pee wee hockey team Stanley coaches must win their next or else one of their players will die from cancer. However, their opponents fail to show up to the Pepsi Center in Denver, so the Colorado Avalanche allow Stanley’s team to play their game against the Detroit Red Wings…who literally pound the cute little kids into the ice.

 

19. The Detroit Red Wings

16 detroit red wings  - sports figures parodied on south park

“Stanley’s Cup” – November 15, 2006

The pee wee hockey team Stanley coaches must win their next or else one of their players will die from cancer. However, their opponents fail to show up to the Pepsi Center in Denver, so the Colorado Avalanche allow Stanley’s team to play their game against the Detroit Red Wings…who literally pound the cute little kids into the ice.

 

dallas cowboys - sports figures parodied on south park

“Go Fund Yourself” – September 24, 2014

The Dallas Cowboys show up in the Season 18 premiere as the opponents of the Washington Redskins. However, the Washington players refuse to play after Eric Cartman drags their proud franchise through the gutter, at which point team owner Dan Snyder takes the field all by himself and gets slaughtered.

Heroic but outnumbered Native Americans standing up to Cowboys and getting slaughtered? I think there may be some sort of historical analogy at play here. I’ll have to check on that.

 

18. The Dallas Cowboys

dallas cowboys - sports figures parodied on south park

“Go Fund Yourself” – September 24, 2014

The Dallas Cowboys show up in the Season 18 premiere as the opponents of the Washington Redskins. However, the Washington players refuse to play after Eric Cartman drags their proud franchise through the gutter, at which point team owner Dan Snyder takes the field all by himself and gets slaughtered.

Heroic but outnumbered Native Americans standing up to Cowboys and getting slaughtered? I think there may be some sort of historical analogy at play here. I’ll have to check on that.

 

15 jim rome sarcastaball  - sports figures parodied on south park

“Sarcastaball” – September 26, 2012

In a dig at the absurdity of Gatorade, which is basically just flavored salt water, football players across the nation come to believe that a new sports drink—Butters’ Creamy Goo—makes them better athletes. Sports pundit Jim Rome even endorses it.

Of course, it turns out that Butters’ Creamy Goo, the stuff everyone is drinking, is in fact Butters’ semen.

 

17. Jim Rome

15 jim rome sarcastaball  - sports figures parodied on south park

“Sarcastaball” – September 26, 2012

In a dig at the absurdity of Gatorade, which is basically just flavored salt water, football players across the nation come to believe that a new sports drink—Butters’ Creamy Goo—makes them better athletes. Sports pundit Jim Rome even endorses it.

Of course, it turns out that Butters’ Creamy Goo, the stuff everyone is drinking, is in fact Butters’ semen.

 

14 john elway denver broncos south park  - sports figures parodied on south park

“City on the Edge of Forever (Flashbacks)” – June 17, 1998

An accident leaves the South Park Elementary school bus teetering precariously on the edge of a cliff. So the boys start reminiscing about the seminal moments in their lives, and Cartman tells the story about how his dad is actually Denver Broncos Hall of Fame quarterback John Elway.

 

16. John Elway

14 john elway denver broncos south park  - sports figures parodied on south park

“City on the Edge of Forever (Flashbacks)” – June 17, 1998

An accident leaves the South Park Elementary school bus teetering precariously on the edge of a cliff. So the boys start reminiscing about the seminal moments in their lives, and Cartman tells the story about how his dad is actually Denver Broncos Hall of Fame quarterback John Elway.

 

13 los angeles clippers and birdman andersen  - sports figures parodied on south park

“Cartman Finds Love” – April 25, 2012

A new girl comes to South Park elementary, and Cartman goes to great lengths to set her up with Token because both of them are black. This includes telling everyone at the Nuggets-Clippers game that the Batmobile is parked outside, which prompts everyone—including the players, including Blake Griffin, Chris Paul, and Chris “Birdman” Andersen—to leave.

 

15. Los Angeles Clippers & Denver Nuggets

13 los angeles clippers and birdman andersen  - sports figures parodied on south park

“Cartman Finds Love” – April 25, 2012

A new girl comes to South Park elementary, and Cartman goes to great lengths to set her up with Token because both of them are black. This includes telling everyone at the Nuggets-Clippers game that the Batmobile is parked outside, which prompts everyone—including the players, including Blake Griffin, Chris Paul, and Chris “Birdman” Andersen—to leave.

 

12 magic johnson  - sports figures parodied on south park

“Tonsil Trouble” – March 12, 2008

The boys decide to embark upon a quest to find the cure for AIDS. So, obviously, they enlist the help of the richest, most famous person with HIV they can think of: Erving “Magic” Johnson.

 

14. Magic Johnson

12 magic johnson  - sports figures parodied on south park

“Tonsil Trouble” – March 12, 2008

The boys decide to embark upon a quest to find the cure for AIDS. So, obviously, they enlist the help of the richest, most famous person with HIV they can think of: Erving “Magic” Johnson.

 

11 brett favre summer sucks  - sports figures parodied on south park

“Summer Sucks” – June 24, 1998

Mr. Garrison struggles to cope with the disappearance of Mr. Hat, whom he treats like a real person, but his which his psychiatrist explains is actually just a manifestation of his “gay side.”

Of course, later in the episode, we see Mr. Hat in a sports spa in Green Bay, checking out Brett Favre. So…um…yeah.

 

13. Brett Favre

11 brett favre summer sucks  - sports figures parodied on south park

“Summer Sucks” – June 24, 1998

Mr. Garrison struggles to cope with the disappearance of Mr. Hat, whom he treats like a real person, but his which his psychiatrist explains is actually just a manifestation of his “gay side.”

Of course, later in the episode, we see Mr. Hat in a sports spa in Green Bay, checking out Brett Favre. So…um…yeah.

 

dan snyder kirk cousins gruden - sports figures parodied on south park

“Go Fund Yourself” – September 24, 2014

Originally Robert Griffin III was supposed to appear in this scene, in which Washington owner Dan Snyder confronts Eric Cartman about his use of the name “Redskins.” However, the creators of South Park benched RGIII put in Kirk Cousins after he was named the interim starting QB while RGIII recovers from injury.

It all had no bearing on the plot. Instead, it was just a way to rub RGIII’s injury in Washington’s face.

 

12. Dan Snyder, Jay Gruden, and Kirk Cousins

dan snyder kirk cousins gruden - sports figures parodied on south park

“Go Fund Yourself” – September 24, 2014

Originally Robert Griffin III was supposed to appear in this scene, in which Washington owner Dan Snyder confronts Eric Cartman about his use of the name “Redskins.” However, the creators of South Park benched RGIII put in Kirk Cousins after he was named the interim starting QB while RGIII recovers from injury.

It all had no bearing on the plot. Instead, it was just a way to rub RGIII’s injury in Washington’s face.

 

10 o.j. simpson ramseys butters own episode  - sports figures parodied on south park

“Butters’ Very Own Episode” – December 12, 2001

Butters goes missing and his family tries to cover it up (that’s a long story which exceeds my powers of truncation), which brings them in contact with other people who famously “didn’t do it”—including Gary Condit, the Ramseys and, last but not least, O.J. Simpson.

Of course, the difference is that Butters’ parents really didn’t do it.

 

11. O.J. Simpson

10 o.j. simpson ramseys butters own episode  - sports figures parodied on south park

“Butters’ Very Own Episode” – December 12, 2001

Butters goes missing and his family tries to cover it up (that’s a long story which exceeds my powers of truncation), which brings them in contact with other people who famously “didn’t do it”—including Gary Condit, the Ramseys and, last but not least, O.J. Simpson.

Of course, the difference is that Butters’ parents really didn’t do it.

 

every nfl owner - sports figures parodied on south park

“Go Fund Yourself” – September 24, 2014

Now this was a surprise. We knew heading into the Season 18 premiere that Dan Snyder would be on the show, but we didn’t know every other owner in the league would be on it, too. And they’re not throwaways, either. These are good likenesses.

 

10. Every Single NFL Owner

every nfl owner - sports figures parodied on south park

“Go Fund Yourself” – September 24, 2014

Now this was a surprise. We knew heading into the Season 18 premiere that Dan Snyder would be on the show, but we didn’t know every other owner in the league would be on it, too. And they’re not throwaways, either. These are good likenesses.

 

9 brent musberger scuzzlebutt  - sports figures parodied on south park

“City on the Edge of Forever (Flashbacks)” – June 17, 1998

In that same episode in which Cartman misremembers his father being John Elway, the boys also misremember the mythical Scuzzlebutt. He really had an arm made of celery and a leg of Patrick Duffy, but in this flashback his leg was sports broadcaster Brent Musberger.

(I realize that, if you’re not at all familiar with South Park, that made no sense whatsoever. Sorry.)

 

9. Brent Musberger

9 brent musberger scuzzlebutt  - sports figures parodied on south park

“City on the Edge of Forever (Flashbacks)” – June 17, 1998

In that same episode in which Cartman misremembers his father being John Elway, the boys also misremember the mythical Scuzzlebutt. He really had an arm made of celery and a leg of Patrick Duffy, but in this flashback his leg was sports broadcaster Brent Musberger.

(I realize that, if you’re not at all familiar with South Park, that made no sense whatsoever. Sorry.)

 

8 jesus satan boxing michael buffer  - sports figures parodied on south park

“Damien” – February 4, 1998

This wasn’t just a parody. It was an actual appearance. South Park really did get famous boxing ring announcer Michael Buffer to do his “lllet’s get rrready to rrruuuum-buuulll!” thing for the big Satan-Jesus bout.

 

8. Michael Buffer

8 jesus satan boxing michael buffer  - sports figures parodied on south park

“Damien” – February 4, 1998

This wasn’t just a parody. It was an actual appearance. South Park really did get famous boxing ring announcer Michael Buffer to do his “lllet’s get rrready to rrruuuum-buuulll!” thing for the big Satan-Jesus bout.

 

7 peyton manning eric decker and the broncos sarcastaball  - sports figures parodied on south park

“Sarcastaball” – September 26, 2012

After hearing that kickoffs have been banned at South Park Elementary because they’re too dangerous, Stan’s dad Randy sarcastically suggests they just make all the football players where bras and foil hats and hug each other instead of tackle.

Of course, the sarcastic suggestions is taken seriously, Sarcastaball sweeps the nation, replacing regular football, and soon Randy finds himself as the head coach of the Denver Broncos.

There’s no. 10 Peyton Manning on the right and no. 87 Eric Decker, who’s now with Jets, in the middle.

 

7. Peyton Manning and the Denver Broncos

7 peyton manning eric decker and the broncos sarcastaball  - sports figures parodied on south park

“Sarcastaball” – September 26, 2012

After hearing that kickoffs have been banned at South Park Elementary because they’re too dangerous, Stan’s dad Randy sarcastically suggests they just make all the football players where bras and foil hats and hug each other instead of tackle.

Of course, the sarcastic suggestions is taken seriously, Sarcastaball sweeps the nation, replacing regular football, and soon Randy finds himself as the head coach of the Denver Broncos.

There’s no. 10 Peyton Manning on the right and no. 87 Eric Decker, who’s now with Jets, in the middle.

 

6 kobe bryant  - sports figures parodied on south park

“Here Comes the Neighborhood” – November 28, 2001

The local bar flies here another rich guy has moved to town and decide to let him know his kind isn’t welcome here…which of course is funny because the rich guy is Kobe Bryant, who is also black. (You gotta love racial humor, amiright?)

 

6. Kobe Bryant

6 kobe bryant  - sports figures parodied on south park

“Here Comes the Neighborhood” – November 28, 2001

The local bar flies here another rich guy has moved to town and decide to let him know his kind isn’t welcome here…which of course is funny because the rich guy is Kobe Bryant, who is also black. (You gotta love racial humor, amiright?)

 

5 ben roethlisberger bill clinton tiger woods david duchovny michael douglas david letterman sex addicts  - sports figures parodied on south park

“Sexual Healing” – March 17, 2010

There’s an epidemic of rich and successful men who suddenly want to have sex with every woman they meet, so top scientists convene in South Park (obviously) to address the problem, which they discover is “sex addiction.” Testing at South Park elementary then reveals that several students also suffer from the affliction, so they go get treatment with other sex addicts, including Bill Clinton, David Duchovny, Michael Douglas, Tiger Woods, and Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger.

 

5. Ben Roethlisberger

5 ben roethlisberger bill clinton tiger woods david duchovny michael douglas david letterman sex addicts  - sports figures parodied on south park

“Sexual Healing” – March 17, 2010

There’s an epidemic of rich and successful men who suddenly want to have sex with every woman they meet, so top scientists convene in South Park (obviously) to address the problem, which they discover is “sex addiction.” Testing at South Park elementary then reveals that several students also suffer from the affliction, so they go get treatment with other sex addicts, including Bill Clinton, David Duchovny, Michael Douglas, Tiger Woods, and Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger.

 

4 mark mcgwire barry bonds jason giambi  - sports figures parodied on south park

“Up the Down Steroid” – March 24, 2004

Baseball’s most infamous PED cheaters go to South Park to proclaim Jimmy the grand champion of the Special Olympics. But of course Jimmy also used PEDs to win.

 

4. Mark McGwire, Barry Bonds, and Jason Giambi

4 mark mcgwire barry bonds jason giambi  - sports figures parodied on south park

“Up the Down Steroid” – March 24, 2004

Baseball’s most infamous PED cheaters go to South Park to proclaim Jimmy the grand champion of the Special Olympics. But of course Jimmy also used PEDs to win.

 

“Go Fund Yourself” – September 24, 2004

At the end of the Season 18 premiere, the Washington Redskins travel to Dallas to play the Cowboys and during the game cameras cut to a creepy, bug-eyed Jerry Jones, who is of course receiving oral sex in the middle of AT&T Stadium.

Yep. Wow.

 

3. Jerry Jones

“Go Fund Yourself” – September 24, 2004

At the end of the Season 18 premiere, the Washington Redskins travel to Dallas to play the Cowboys and during the game cameras cut to a creepy, bug-eyed Jerry Jones, who is of course receiving oral sex in the middle of AT&T Stadium.

Yep. Wow.

 

2 tiger woods golf fighting elin nordegren  - sports figures parodied on south park

“Sexual Healing” – March 17, 2010

We already mentioned that Tiger Woods was in “Sexual Healing,” but we didn’t tell the whole story. You see, the episode begins with the boys playing the very latest edition of Tiger Woods Golf…in which his jilted ex-wife Elin Nordegren knocks him over the head with golf clubs, just like she did on that fateful night back in November of 2009, when she learned Tiger was banging strippers, porn stars, and cocktail waitresses all over the world.

 

2. Tiger Woods

2 tiger woods golf fighting elin nordegren  - sports figures parodied on south park

“Sexual Healing” – March 17, 2010

We already mentioned that Tiger Woods was in “Sexual Healing,” but we didn’t tell the whole story. You see, the episode begins with the boys playing the very latest edition of Tiger Woods Golf…in which his jilted ex-wife Elin Nordegren knocks him over the head with golf clubs, just like she did on that fateful night back in November of 2009, when she learned Tiger was banging strippers, porn stars, and cocktail waitresses all over the world.

 

1 tom brady crapping pants south park   - sports figures parodied on south park

“Taming Strange” – October 30, 2013

Behold the greatest (and maybe the most childishly disgusting) South Park athlete parody: Tom Brady crapping his pants.

It’s kind of a long story as to how this came to be, but the short of it is that Brady ordered hormones on the internet but got sent laxatives by mistake.

Hence the crapping of the pants.

 

1. Tom Brady

1 tom brady crapping pants south park   - sports figures parodied on south park

“Taming Strange” – October 30, 2013

Behold the greatest (and maybe the most childishly disgusting) South Park athlete parody: Tom Brady crapping his pants.

It’s kind of a long story as to how this came to be, but the short of it is that Brady ordered hormones on the internet but got sent laxatives by mistake.

Hence the crapping of the pants.

 



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