9 Things We Are Not Going to Miss About Derek Jeter
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9 Things We Are Not Going to Miss About Derek Jeter

by: Esteban On  Tuesday, September 30, 2014

things we are not going to miss about derek jeter

There are plenty of things that baseball fans everywhere are going to miss about Derek Jeter. This isn’t a list seeking to discredit him. From 1998 to 2000 the guy put together three of the best offensive seasons we’ve ever seen by a shortstop,  and his professionalism was unmatched.

That said, Jeter might also be the most overrated player of the modern era, and that season-long retirement tour was cringeworthy. So there are also plenty of things we are not going to miss about Derek Jeter. And it’s these things that are the subject of today’s list.

Take a few minutes and have a look. I didn’t set out to troll Yankees fans, but if I do managed to piss a few of you off anyway, well, so be it.

 

things we are not going to miss about derek jeter

There are plenty of things that baseball fans everywhere are going to miss about Derek Jeter. This isn’t a list seeking to discredit him. From 1998 to 2000 the guy put together three of the best offensive seasons we’ve ever seen by a shortstop,  and his professionalism was unmatched.

That said, Jeter might also be the most overrated player of the modern era, and that season-long retirement tour was cringeworthy. So there are also plenty of things we are not going to miss about Derek Jeter. And it’s these things that are the subject of today’s list.

Take a few minutes and have a look. I didn’t set out to troll Yankees fans, but if I do managed to piss a few of you off anyway, well, so be it.

 

Here’s a newsflash everybody: these commercials are not “touching,” and they are not “tributes.” They are simply ads that are trying to get you to buy stuff. That’s it. They do not give a rat’s ass about The Captain or Yankees fans. If they could somehow make more money trashing Jeter and the Yankees, they’d do it. They didn’t make these commercials out of the kindness of their hearts as some sort of thank you gesture. They made them because they knew people would post them to their Facebook walls, which would strengthen their brand recognition.

 

9. The Corny 'Tribute' Commercials

Here’s a newsflash everybody: these commercials are not “touching,” and they are not “tributes.” They are simply ads that are trying to get you to buy stuff. That’s it. They do not give a rat’s ass about The Captain or Yankees fans. If they could somehow make more money trashing Jeter and the Yankees, they’d do it. They didn’t make these commercials out of the kindness of their hearts as some sort of thank you gesture. They made them because they knew people would post them to their Facebook walls, which would strengthen their brand recognition.

 

jeter retirement gifts golf clubs - things we will not miss about derek jeter retirement

My budget is tight. I have to juggle money around between bank accounts at the start of every month to make sure there’s enough to pay my $50 phone bill. The last thing I want to see is a guy who earned $266,300,000 in his career—second most all-time after Alex Rodriguez—get a bunch of golf clubs, kayaks, and paddle boards he could just as easily have bought for himself.

I’m not saying you shouldn’t give rich people presents. That’s crazy. It’s the thought that counts, and rich people want to feel loved just like the rest of us. So I didn’t mind the really thoughtful Jeter retirement gifts. But they weren’t all thoughtful.

 

8. Watching People Give an Insanely Rich Dude Free Stuff

jeter retirement gifts golf clubs - things we will not miss about derek jeter retirement

My budget is tight. I have to juggle money around between bank accounts at the start of every month to make sure there’s enough to pay my $50 phone bill. The last thing I want to see is a guy who earned $266,300,000 in his career—second most all-time after Alex Rodriguez—get a bunch of golf clubs, kayaks, and paddle boards he could just as easily have bought for himself.

I’m not saying you shouldn’t give rich people presents. That’s crazy. It’s the thought that counts, and rich people want to feel loved just like the rest of us. So I didn’t mind the really thoughtful Jeter retirement gifts. But they weren’t all thoughtful.

 

sappy jeter headlines - things we will not miss about derek jeter retirement

These are actual headlines from “respected” sports blogs and news websites about that ridiculous Gatorade commercial. They perfectly capture the overall tone the media has taken in its coverage of the Derek Jeter retirement tour: fawning, sycophantic, effusive.

Don’t get me wrong, Jeter has made it possible for the media to gush about him all these years because he actually has been a really swell guy. But they treat him like he is baseball’s answer to Mother Theresa. And I won’t miss it.

 

7. The Media Fawning Over Him

sappy jeter headlines - things we will not miss about derek jeter retirement

These are actual headlines from “respected” sports blogs and news websites about that ridiculous Gatorade commercial. They perfectly capture the overall tone the media has taken in its coverage of the Derek Jeter retirement tour: fawning, sycophantic, effusive.

Don’t get me wrong, Jeter has made it possible for the media to gush about him all these years because he actually has been a really swell guy. But they treat him like he is baseball’s answer to Mother Theresa. And I won’t miss it.

 

Everywhere he’s gone the last six weeks or so, Jeter has been greeted by hats, t-shirts, signs, and jumbotrons with the #RE2PECT hashtag.

Do you know who started it? Nike’s “Jordan” brand. Jeter’s sponsor. It’s basically just a line of Jeter-themed gear they came up with to make a little cash off Jeter’s retirement. And you know who probably signed off on the #RE2PECT gear? Jeter himself.

So will I miss seeing a corporate slogan/logo masquerading as a genuine social media hashtag? No, I will not.

 

6. #RE2PECT

Everywhere he’s gone the last six weeks or so, Jeter has been greeted by hats, t-shirts, signs, and jumbotrons with the #RE2PECT hashtag.

Do you know who started it? Nike’s “Jordan” brand. Jeter’s sponsor. It’s basically just a line of Jeter-themed gear they came up with to make a little cash off Jeter’s retirement. And you know who probably signed off on the #RE2PECT gear? Jeter himself.

So will I miss seeing a corporate slogan/logo masquerading as a genuine social media hashtag? No, I will not.

 

derek jeter beach chicks - things we will not miss about derek jeter retirement

You know what else I won’t miss? Jeter stealing all the girls. The guy has literally dated every hot woman you’ve ever fantasized about, from Mariah Carey and Scarlett Johansson to Jessica Alba and current flame Hannah Davis.

What’s that? The hot girl from your 11th grade Spanish class? Yep, he dated her. The hot barista at Starbucks who never spells your name right? Dated her. That chick sitting across from you on the subway right now? Yep, her too.

Do I blame Jeter for taking all the hot women for himself? Absolutely not. But I won’t miss the night terrors when I know he’s in the same city as my girlfriend, either.

 

5. Jeter Stealing all the Hot Girls for Himself

derek jeter beach chicks - things we will not miss about derek jeter retirement

You know what else I won’t miss? Jeter stealing all the girls. The guy has literally dated every hot woman you’ve ever fantasized about, from Mariah Carey and Scarlett Johansson to Jessica Alba and current flame Hannah Davis.

What’s that? The hot girl from your 11th grade Spanish class? Yep, he dated her. The hot barista at Starbucks who never spells your name right? Dated her. That chick sitting across from you on the subway right now? Yep, her too.

Do I blame Jeter for taking all the hot women for himself? Absolutely not. But I won’t miss the night terrors when I know he’s in the same city as my girlfriend, either.

 

derek jeter signs intangibles - things we will not miss about derek jeter retirement

What is it with baseball and intangibles? The concept sort of makes sense in sports like hockey or soccer, where it’s extremely hard to quantify everything a player does to help his team win. But in baseball there’s literally nothing that happens anymore on a field that isn’t recorded by some computer and crunched into a statistic.

Nevertheless, whenever somebody talks about the greatness of Jeter, his “intangibles” always come up.

Say the Yankees won three games in a row after losing three games in a row. What’s responsible for the turnaround? Jeter’s intangibles.

Say the Yankees rookie starting pitcher settled in after giving four walks in the first two innings. How’d he do it? Jeter’s intangibles.

Say the Yankees win three World Series in a row. What’s responsible, their deep lineup and great starting pitching? Sure. But also Jeter’s intangibles.

And I’m not making this up. This really is how people talk about the guy. It’s insane.

 

4. All the Intangibles Nonsense

derek jeter signs intangibles - things we will not miss about derek jeter retirement

What is it with baseball and intangibles? The concept sort of makes sense in sports like hockey or soccer, where it’s extremely hard to quantify everything a player does to help his team win. But in baseball there’s literally nothing that happens anymore on a field that isn’t recorded by some computer and crunched into a statistic.

Nevertheless, whenever somebody talks about the greatness of Jeter, his “intangibles” always come up.

Say the Yankees won three games in a row after losing three games in a row. What’s responsible for the turnaround? Jeter’s intangibles.

Say the Yankees rookie starting pitcher settled in after giving four walks in the first two innings. How’d he do it? Jeter’s intangibles.

Say the Yankees win three World Series in a row. What’s responsible, their deep lineup and great starting pitching? Sure. But also Jeter’s intangibles.

And I’m not making this up. This really is how people talk about the guy. It’s insane.

 

derek jeter captain clutch corn maze - things we will not miss about derek jeter retirement

The only Jeter attribute I’ll miss less than his intangibles is his class.

Don’t get me wrong, Jeter was a classy guy. Any time he met a chick at a club, took her back to his place, and banged her, he always made sure to send her home the next morning in a limo with a complimentary Derek Jeter gift basket. That’s class.

But Jeter wasn’t the only classy guy in baseball. Every team has at least one guy who’s just as classy as Jeter. The other guys just aren’t as famous enough to have their own mythologies. So please excuse me if I roll my eyes when you talk about Jeter’s class.

 

3. Hearing About How Classy He Was

derek jeter captain clutch corn maze - things we will not miss about derek jeter retirement

The only Jeter attribute I’ll miss less than his intangibles is his class.

Don’t get me wrong, Jeter was a classy guy. Any time he met a chick at a club, took her back to his place, and banged her, he always made sure to send her home the next morning in a limo with a complimentary Derek Jeter gift basket. That’s class.

But Jeter wasn’t the only classy guy in baseball. Every team has at least one guy who’s just as classy as Jeter. The other guys just aren’t as famous enough to have their own mythologies. So please excuse me if I roll my eyes when you talk about Jeter’s class.

 

jeter the throw gif - things we will not miss about derek jeter retirement

Look everybody, I’m going to state this as simply as possible: Derek Jeter was a bad shortstop.

“But he won five Gold Gloves!” you say. “And what about The Throw (see above), or The Dive, or The Flip? Don’t tell me THE FLIP wasn’t the GREATEST PLAY IN THE HISTORY OF BASEBALL!!!”

Well guess what? I don’t care about those plays. They were great, but just because a guy makes a great play every once in a while, that doesn’t mean he is a good defender. Sometimes I hit a fade-away thee-pointer with two guys covering me, but that doesn’t make me Michael F**king Jordan, does it?

No, all the numbers say Jeter was, on the whole, a subpar fielder. Take Total Zone Rating, for example. In all but three of his 20 big league seasons, Jeter was a “minus” defender, meaning his defense prevented fewer runs than the average big league shortstop. In fact, in 10 of those 20 big league seasons, the negative TZR was in the double digits, with 2014′s score (-27) being the worst.

Or take Defensive Runs Saved. We only have data going back to 2003 for that, but it works the same way (listing how many runs a player saved relative to MLB average), and the results are the same. In all but one season since 2003, Derek Jeter’s defense has allowed way more runs than the average big league shortstop.

Still don’t believe it? Well, I won’t miss your incredulity.

 

2. Listening to People Cite Three Plays as Proof Is a Good Shortstop

jeter the throw gif - things we will not miss about derek jeter retirement

Look everybody, I’m going to state this as simply as possible: Derek Jeter was a bad shortstop.

“But he won five Gold Gloves!” you say. “And what about The Throw (see above), or The Dive, or The Flip? Don’t tell me THE FLIP wasn’t the GREATEST PLAY IN THE HISTORY OF BASEBALL!!!”

Well guess what? I don’t care about those plays. They were great, but just because a guy makes a great play every once in a while, that doesn’t mean he is a good defender. Sometimes I hit a fade-away thee-pointer with two guys covering me, but that doesn’t make me Michael F**king Jordan, does it?

No, all the numbers say Jeter was, on the whole, a subpar fielder. Take Total Zone Rating, for example. In all but three of his 20 big league seasons, Jeter was a “minus” defender, meaning his defense prevented fewer runs than the average big league shortstop. In fact, in 10 of those 20 big league seasons, the negative TZR was in the double digits, with 2014′s score (-27) being the worst.

Or take Defensive Runs Saved. We only have data going back to 2003 for that, but it works the same way (listing how many runs a player saved relative to MLB average), and the results are the same. In all but one season since 2003, Derek Jeter’s defense has allowed way more runs than the average big league shortstop.

Still don’t believe it? Well, I won’t miss your incredulity.

 

Keith Olbermann is a blowhard. However, when it comes to Derek Jeter he got it right. Jeter is not the greatest player of his generation. He was very good, and he belongs in the hall of fame. But he had fewer career Wins Above Replacement (71.8) than Larry Walker (72.6), Jim Thome (72.9), Frank Thomas (73.7), Paul Molitor (75.4), Adrian Beltre (77.8), or Jeff Bagwell (79.6), and he got treated like he was Stan Musial (128.1) or Hank Aaron (142.6)—two other players known for their class.

I won’t miss that.

 

1. Having to Agree with Keith Olbermann

Keith Olbermann is a blowhard. However, when it comes to Derek Jeter he got it right. Jeter is not the greatest player of his generation. He was very good, and he belongs in the hall of fame. But he had fewer career Wins Above Replacement (71.8) than Larry Walker (72.6), Jim Thome (72.9), Frank Thomas (73.7), Paul Molitor (75.4), Adrian Beltre (77.8), or Jeff Bagwell (79.6), and he got treated like he was Stan Musial (128.1) or Hank Aaron (142.6)—two other players known for their class.

I won’t miss that.

 



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