Thinking about jumping on the Kansas City Royals bandwagon? Go ahead, do it. It’s okay. Major sporting events like the World Series are more fun when you invest emotionally, and the Kansas City Royals are the way to go.
I’m not saying the Royals are going to win, mind you. They might. They might not. But if you invest emotionally in the Royals and they do win, the payoff will be huge.
But I get it. You still have reservations about the Kansas City Royals bandwagon. So I’ve put together this list of perfectly valid reasons why you go ahead and jump on it. Read it, let it sink in, and, unless you’re from northern California, you’ll be fountain-jumpin’ Royals fan by the time Game 1 starts at 8:07 PM EST tonight.
Yes, chicks dig the long ball. Yes, everybody loves superstars. But despite the fact that the Royals don't hit home runs (except when they do) and don't have any real superstars, they have been by far the most exciting team to watch during the entire 2014 MLB Postseason. They're a team that scratches out victories with "small ball" (i.e., with singles, pinch runners, stolen bases, and sacrifices) and the most entertaining defense I can ever remember watching.
Could their mojo run out in the World Series? Sure. But what if it doesn't?
9. They’re Fun to Watch
Okay, maybe you've heard of Eric Hosmer and James Shields. Hosmer was a hot prospect a few years ago and Shields was a big shot free agent. But Lorenzo Cain, Billy Butler, and Nori Aoki? Christian Colon, Jarrod Dyson, and Terrance Gore (pictured)? The Giants have Buster Posey, Hunter Pence, and Kung Fu Panda. Who the hell are these guys?
The 2014 Kansas City Royals are as close to a real life version of the Major League Cleveland Indians as we're ever going to get. How can you root against that?
8. You Never Even Heard of These Guys
You do not seriously want to see San Francisco get another World Series parade, do you? The Giants are west coast elites with two championships in five years who are too cool to put names on the back of their jerseys. (Who do they think they are? Robert Downey Jr?) Sure, they went 56 years without a championship prior to 2010, and prior to 2012 baseball fans in San Francisco had experienced exactly as many championship celebrations as baseball fans in Kansas City (one). But this is their third trip to the Fall Classic in five seasons, so screw these guys!
7. Screw the Giants, Amiright?
After winning the NL Wild Card game Giants ace Madison Bumgarner "chugged" (poured on his face) four beers at once. After winning the NLDS he did it with five beers. Then, after winning the NLCS, he did it with six. And one can only assume that he will go to seven if the Giants should win the World Series.
The man must be stopped. He is a disgrace to beer chugging.
6. Bumgarner Is a Beer-Chugging Disgrace
Do you like awesome t-shirts? Because if you do, the Kansas City Royals are for you. Poor Jeremy Guthrie may have felt compelled to apologize for his "O's Ain't Royal" t-shirt, but he absolutely did not need to do so. That shirt was a thing of beauty.
And it's not the only amazing Royals shirt out there. Check out this fan's custom shirt, or this one. Pretty great, right?
5. They Have Awesome T-Shirts
The Royals played the Cardinals in the 1985 World Series and won thanks in part to a controversial call at first place in Game 6. Since then, all the baseball success has come from the eastern border of the State of Missouri.
In the past 29 years, Cardinals fans have endured just eight losing seasons. They've seen their team make the playoffs 13 times and lose in the first round just twice. And they've seen their team play in five World Series, winning twice.
All that success has made the Cardinals the Kings of the Midwest while relegating the poor Royals to second-class status. But now the Royals are in the World Series after sweeping the first two (okay, three) rounds of the playoffs while the Cardinals are watching from home. It's Kansas City's turn to be the superstars of the Showme State.
You can't root against that, can you?
4. They’re Missouri’s Blue-Headed Stepchild
If you think San Francisco has better food that Kansas City, you can go ahead and punch yourself in the face. Keep your stupid sisig burritos and kimchi tacos, or whatever other hipster foodie nonsense your fusion food trucks are coming up with. Give me a rack of ribs slathered in that sweet smokey KC BBQ sauce.
Seriously, how hungry are you right now?
3. Barbecue > Sushi
These people have not experienced winning baseball in three decades, and they are enjoying every goddamn second of this crazy ride to the top. Have you seen their sings? (Like this one, this one, or this one?) They're f-ing great. And Royals fans always take full advantage of that epic fountain in the Kauffman outfield.
That said, the best Royals fans are obviously the Cat Guys. They put the Vancouver Canucks Green Men to shame with their cat picture leotards and brilliant signs.
In fact, I would dress up as a Royals Cat Guy for Halloween if I had any idea where to get one of these leotards.
2. Royals Fans Are Fantastic
The Royals are—scratch that, were—one of baseball’s saddest franchises. Now they are in the World Series. That right there is the goddamn American Dream. If the Royals can rise up from the gutter and make the World Series, anything motherf*%#ing thing is possible.
But even if the Royals weren't putrid for 29 years, their run in the 2014 Postseason would be worthy of your support. They're a true Cinderella story, which wasn't even possible in baseball until relatively recently. They had to win the play-in, then beat the best team and second-best teams in the American League.
It’s just magic. It's November madness. And it's fantastic. Get on board.
2014 MLB Postseason, bandwagon, Kansas City Royals, MLB, world series,