Today we’re counting down the funniest NHL names of all time. But maybe you wonder, why focus on the NHL? There are funny names in every pro sports league. The NFL has it’s Kirby Dar Dars, the NBA has it’s God Shammgods, and MLB has it’s Enos Slaughters.
However, when it comes to funny names, nobody beats the NHL. Perhaps it’s the unique combination of cultures and ethnicities—from Slavic and Nordic to Balkan and Native American. Perhaps hockey players are just weird. I don’t know. But there are just so many to choose from.
But hey, don’t take my word for it. Start clicking through the funniest NHL names of all time and see for yourself.
PK Subban isn't funny at all in English, so I couldn't justify putting him on the list. However, in researching this list I came across Swedish-speaking redditor who pointed out that Subban literally means bitch in Swedish—which, if you ask any Bruins fan, could not be more appropriate.
If anybody knows of any other NHL names that mean something hilarious in a language other than English, please, I'm all ears.
Honorable Mention: PK Subban
Nino Niederreiter, 22, is one of the Minnesota Wild's rising stars. And he has an absolutely amazing name. If his Swiss parents had named anything else, he wouldn't be on this list. But they didn't name him anything else. They named him Nino. Nino Niederreiter.
25. Nino Niederreiter
Why's this one funny? Well, first off, Polish names are absolutely insane, and you pronounce this one Doo-bel-vitz. Second off, there's a "Doob" in his name, so they call him "Doobie." Like a joint.
24. Wade Dubielewicz
You have to let your inner 6th-grader out to appreciate this one. Get it? Yu-taka Fuk-u-Fuji?
Anyway, Yutaka here made history by becoming the first Japanese player to appear in an NHL game. He debuted in goal for the Kings on January 13, 2007.
23. Yutaka Fukufuji
This guy just looks like a Zemgus, doesn't he?
22. Zemgus Girgensons
This one's not just a great name. It also makes for a fantastic corny pun. (Oh do ya?)
21. Johnny Oduya
Nobody was ever really sure how to pronounce this guy's name. However, according to people who speak Dutch, the correct pronunciation is actually "dick-hoose," and of course that sounds a like like dick house...which is awesome.
20. Karl Dykhuis
Jordin Tootoo's mom is Ukranian and his dad is Inuit. Hence the funny name.
Fun trivia: Tootoo grew up in Nunavut and is actually the first NHL player of Inuit descent to be drafted and play in the NHL. So that's neat.
19. Jordin Tootoo
The only thing funnier than this guy's name is his hometown. The guy few up in Moose Factory, Ontario.
Real place. Swear to God.
18. Jonathan Cheechoo
Radek is a pretty sweet name. But could you imagine if, by some bizarre twist of fate, this guy's Czech parents had decided to name him Billy? Billy Bonk? If I were Radek, I would have legally changed my name to that.
17. Radek Bonk
The correct pronunciation of this Swede's name? Pear Juice.
As for the spelling on the card, apparently Topps don't do umlauts.
16. Pär Djoos
In case you're a youngster who doesn't remember this former NHL defenseman, his name is pronounced BOO-ka-boom.
Imagine all the fun, creative things NHL announcers came up with when he delivered a big check or got into a fight.
15. Jeff Beukeboom
What are the chances that a guy with a name like Snuggerud would get such an amazing trading card? Dude looks like a Stoner finding out about the Dark Side of the Moon/Wizard of Oz thing for the first time.
14. Save Snuggerud
Not only does this guy have a fantastic name that sounds like clusterf*ck, but he also made history as the NHL's first openly hipster player. #Courage #Respect
13. Cal Clutterbuck
When I saw this name the first thing I thought was, "His nickname better be 'The Colonel.'" So I looked it up, and it is.
(Colonel Klink was a character on a TV show called Hogan's Heroes, kids. Learn your TV history!)
12. Rob Klinkhammer
Wouldn't you have loved to been there to hear the crowd at the old Boston Garden chant this guy's name?
11. Bill Quackenbush
According to Wikipedia, this guy was named after an obscure pro golfer from the 70s named Kermit Zarley.
I know that sounds made up, but Wikipedia is never wrong, you guys.
10. Zarley Zalapski
It's not SAY-tin, it's say-TAN. But it looks like SAY-tin. And it always made me think of the Church Lady:
Ahh, the classics.
9. Miroslav Satan
Not sure whether this name sounds like something you do to clear your throat, or an oil change place in Hackensack.
8. Hakan Loob
There's just no way around this one. The dude has "clit" in his name. And according to the official NHL nicknaming conventions of the day, that means his nickname is either "Clits" or "Clitty."
Both are hilarious.
7. Grant Clitsome
I assume this one was pronounced "Koontz" (like the popular fiction writer), but for all I know it could have been pronounced the other way. Murray only played seven games in the NHL, so there's not a lot of info on him.
6. Murray Kuntz
Officially this name rhymes with "Yemen." But that's not what we think when we see the name, is it?
5. Alexander Semin
I know, I know. Jarome Iginla isnt' funny. But you know what is? Jarome's FULL name...which is Jarome Arthur-Leigh Adekunle Tig Junior Elvis Iginla.
Iginla's dad was from Nigeria, and he changed his name Adekunle to Elvis when he moved to Canada. Apparently they have pretty creative naming customs in his home country.
4. Jarome Iginla
It's not just a funny name. It's also a very specific type of "lower body injury."
3. Ron Tugnutt
The crazy thing about this one is that, given the two Ps, Darren could have claimed it was pronounced like "puppy." But no. He just let people call him poop-a his entire career.
2. Darren Puppa
Harry Dick only played 12 games in the NHL with the Chicago Blackhawks. However, because of his amazing name, his name will live on forever.