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Miguel Cabrera Stole the Philly Phanatic’s Keys Yesterday (Video)

by: Penn Collins On  Monday, March 30, 2015

Miguel Cabrera

In case you weren’t sure if the Philly Phanatic was a registered Pennsylvania driver, the answer is “yes.” Or so we were led to believe such, as the Philly Phanatic had his (its?) keys stolen by none other than legendary car thief¬†Miguel Cabrera. In the interest of accuracy, we should probably mention that these were keys to the Phanatic’s ATV, and not like a Bentley or something.

Miguel Cabrera enlisted the help of the fans during his heist, as he tossed the keys away from the mascot in a perverse game of keep-away from the green gentleman.

Here’s the video. The poor guy is on his knees BEGGING for those keys:

Note that the Phanatic’s pleas to the authorities go unanswered. This is how vigilante justice starts, people. If Miguel Cabrera goes missing in the next few days, it was likely the work of a desperate mascot at the end of his rope, with nowhere left to turn.



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