Discovery Channel Burns Pittsburgh Penguins on Twitter
Vladimir Putin Played Suspiciously Good Hockey This Weekend (Video)
I’m happy to say that we’ve got a Vladimir Putin news piece here that doesn’t threaten our way of life, nor remind us of the systematic civil rights oppression that’s taking place in and around the Kremlin. Everyone’s favorite shirtless president (Sorry, Clinton) took to the ice to skate with some retired NHL stars, and he did pretty damn well. Suspiciously well. Too well, actually.
I think the bounds of the believability would be that Vladimir Putin played hockey with some former hockey greats (including Pavel Bure and Valeri Kamensky) and “got an assist,”or “didn’t get a concussion.” That’s around where the bar is set for a 62 year-old politician playing any sport that isn’t golf.
Well, Vladdy Daddy managed to get eight goals. So either this thing was implicitly or explicitly fixed, or…that’s it. This was fixed. That’s some Kim Jung-un level sh*t right there.
You’d think if we get eight goals, we’d get at least one hockey fight from Putin. But a hockey fight for Putin would probably just entail him nodding slightly at an opposing player right before seven snipers riddle the poor soul with bullets.
Which I would pay good money to see.