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BREAKING: Peyton Manning Un-retires…Signs with Texans

by: Andy Ruther On  Thursday, March 10, 2016

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In a drastic move no one saw coming, Peyton Manning has decided to un-retire and sign a 2 year, $40 million deal with the Houston Texans.

Manning told reporters, “After talking with my wife Ashley I decided I just couldn’t hang it up yet.” He added, “Houston seemed like the perfect fit. I’m ready to move past the Broncos and chicken parm, and on to a new life with the Texans and BBQ ribs.”

Many viewed the signing as a slap in the face of Brock Osweiler, who just signed a four year, $72 million deal with the team on Wednesday. Once again Osweiler will battle Manning for the starting spot, which Manning took away from him during week 17 of the 2015 season. Osweiler didn’t hide his disappointment, telling the Houston Chronicle, “Peyton’s a real dick. He’s basically just trolling me now and it’s not funny anymore. I’m sick of being in his shadow.”

Rumors have swirled for months that Manning and Papa John have been messing with Brock Osweiler since he was drafted by the Broncos. Those rumors include locker room wedgies and mixing wasabi in Osweiler’s Papa John’s pizza garlic sauce. The signings of Manning and Osweiler by the Texans also ensures that Brian Hoyer will be living in a homeless shelter by next week.

 

***PARODY POST!!!***



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