NFL Scout Doesn’t Think Eli Apple Will Be Any Good Because He Can’t Cook
Apparently NFL teams aren’t just worried about whether or not Ohio State cornerback Eli Apple likes dudes. They’re also worried about whether or not he can handle himself in the kitchen.
I’m not joking. In his draft profile for the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel, Bob McGinn cites an anonymous scout who has major concerns about Apple because he allegedly does not know how to cook.
“I worry about him because of off-the-field issues,” the scout says. “The kid has no life skills. At all. Can’t cook. Just a baby. He’s not first round for me. He scares me to death.”
This has got to be the stupidest scouting report in the history of scouting reports. “Can’t cook?” Are you serious? That’s why teams shouldn’t take Eli Apple in the first round? I’m going to go out on a limb and say the vast majority of 20-year-old college kids—especially ones who spend all their time outside of class practicing, working out, and playing Division I football—are lacking in culinary proficiency. If it were me I wouldn’t even dignify this nonsense with a response. But of course, people are responding anyway. And most of them are saying that, in fact, Eli Apple can cook. Not that it matters.
Let’s start with Eli’s mom, Annie Apple:
Btw, Eli’s dad is a retired five star chef. We eat well. So stop playing with our name. Next time you say our name, put some respeck on it
— Annie Apple (@SurvivinAmerica) April 27, 2016
She sounds pretty offended by the suggestion that she failed to teach her son life skills. Which is understandable. Mom’s are pretty big on teaching life skills.
Apple’s teammates also chimed in to testify to his cooking skillz:
Eli has made me some fire fried chicken and mac and cheese. The source seems to be pretty unreliable
— EzekielElliott#⃣1⃣5⃣ (@EzekielElliott) April 27, 2016
Just got off the phone with @BraxtonMiller5. He said Eli Apple is a great cook and is a big fan of his BBQ. (We talked actual football too.)
— Nick Klopsis (@NickKlopsis) April 27, 2016
Some folks, though, took issue with the notion that guys who can’t cook won’t be successful in the NFL:
I can’t cook either ! Maybe hot pockets at best lol .. And I’m a SUPERBOWL CHAMPION .
— Bradley Roby (@BradRoby_1) April 27, 2016
Seriously, whoever wrote that scouting report…just…ugh.