Yesterday we informed you that a New York Yankees fan may have been responsible for killing former Libyan tyrant Moammar Gadhafi.  The New York Post was sharing similar information on their front cover this morning, and in doing so, they decided to take the opportunity to throw in a cheap-shot at the Big Apple’s favorite whipping boy, Alex Rodriguez.

The annual salaries commanded by pro athletes seem to be growing exponentially, don’t they? It just seems like every year, in every sport, somebody is breaking a record for most money paid to a grown man for playing a game.

Some of us don’t really have a problem with this, and instead fantasize about what we would do with all that money. (Medium-risk mutual funds usually don’t play large roles in such fantasies.) Others think it’s ridiculous that a guy can get paid $20 million a year to hit a leather-wrapped ball of twine with a stick. But no matter what you think about it, one thing is certain: the guys with the 8-figure salaries don’t mind one bit.

Here’s an up-to-date list of the top player salaries in the world of pro sports today.

None of these figures include endorsement deals or other income. They are the players’ minimum base salaries or earnings. For basketball, the figures listed are what players are scheduled to be paid for the hypothetical 2011-12 NBA season. For all other sports, the figures are for the most recently completed season.

Enjoy reading about how great other people have it!

15. Todd Helton / MLB / $20,275,000

Rockies first baseman Todd Helton got paid just over twenty million bucks to bat .302/.385/.466 (AVE/OBP/SLG) with 14 HRs and 69 RBIs this year. The 38-year-old, who hasn’t hit 20 HRs or slugged better than .500 since 2005, is clearly being paid more for what he did than what is currently doing. And Albert Pujols wonders why the Cardinals are nervous about giving him a $250 million, 10-year contract?

14. Valentino Rossi / Moto GP / $20,800,000

Italian motorcycle racer Valentino Rossi is a 7x MotoGP (Road Racing World Championship Grand Prix) champion. And apparently there’s a boatload of money in European motorcycle racing, because Valentino here made a killing over the last year. (Note: there are no representatives from North American motor sports on this list.)

13. Kevin Garnett / NBA / $21,200,000

Kevin Garnett had a decent year with the Celtics last season, averaging 14.9 points, 8.9 rebounds, and 2.4 assists per game. But that’s a far cry from the 24.2 points, 13.9 rebounds, and 5.0 assists he averaged per game in his 2004 MVP campaign. So, um…yeah. Like Todd Helton, Kevin will be paid more for what he did in the past that what he’s likely to do in the future. Sorry, Celtics fans.

12. Johan Santana / MLB / $21,645,000

In 2011, New York Mets ace Johan Santana easily cleared $20 million. But if you’re saying to yourself, “hey, I don’t even remember hearing anything about Santana this year,” you’d be on to something. The 32-year-old Venezuelan started 0 games, pitched 0 innings, and struck out 0 batters. On the bright side, I guess that would make his ERA 0.00.

11. Tim Duncan / NBA / $21,300,000

The Spurs’ Tim Duncan hasn’t been among the NBA’s most dangerous players for quite some time. But as you can clearly see, pro sports franchises tend not to take the inevitable process of aging into account when working out player contracts. Hence, Duncan is scheduled to be the 3rd-highest paid player in the league in 2011. He’ll make more money than LeBron, D-Wade, Dirk, or Dwight Howard.

10. Rashard Lewis / NBA / $22,150,000

Speaking of NBA players with absurd contracts, the Wizards’ Rashard Lewis takes the cake on that front. Somehow, this two-time all-star negotiated a contract with the Orlando Magic that will make him the 2nd-highest paid player in NBA for the upcoming season. But what is more amazing than Lewis actually being signed to this contract? The fact that the Washington Wizards actually traded for this contract in 2010. (If this story sounds familiar to baseball fans, it should. See #4.)

9. Fernando Alonso / F1 / $22,700,000

This Formula 1 race car driver may have finished #2 in the standings last season, but he was #1 in cash. The Ferrari Team member made a cool $22.7 million, which made him Spain’s highest-paid athlete. (What, you thought that honor would go to a soccer player? Please, the world’s highest-paid soccer player is Portugal’s Cristiano Ronaldo, and he “only” made $19.5 million. This would have to be a top 20 list for a soccer player to make an appearance.)

8. Joe Mauer / MLB / $23,000,000

Twins catcher Joe Mauer struggled mightily with injuries throughout the 2011 season. Luckily, it was the first year of his massive 8-year $184 million contract, so he had twenty-three million reasons not to feel sorry for himself. (Also, he got to be in a Head & Shoulders commercial with the Pittsburgh Steelers’ Troy Polamalu. That had to be pretty fun, right?)

7. Mark Teixeira / MLB / $23,125,000

Mark Teixeira is a great ballplayer, but you can’t really judge his talent by the size of his contract. Sure, he made over $23 million this year, but that’s in U.S. Dollars. In Yankee Dollars, that’s only like $15 million or so, which is not nearly as impressive.

6. CC Sabathia / MLB / $24,285,000

Ditto what I just said in #7 about Yankee Dollars versus U.S. Dollars. Sabathia made $4.284 million more than any other pitcher this year (Roy Halladay pulled in $20 million), but his 3.00 ERA was only the 17th best in baseball. I’m no accountant, but that doesn’t like a good return to me.

But hey, CC’s not complaining. Twenty-four million bucks buys a lot of donuts.

5. Kobe Bryant / NBA / $25,150,000

If you’re talking about the best player in the NBA, Kobe is still in the conversation. His 25.3 points per game this past season was good for 5th in the league, only 2.4 points behind the top dog, Kevin Durant. So, in one sense at least, Kobe’s $25 million salary seems reasonable. Still, with guys like D-Wade and LeBron making less than $17 million per year, it should be pretty obvious that a decent chunk of Kobe’s salary was earned by those 5 NBA championship rings.

4. Vernon Wells / MLB / $26,187,000

That look on Vernon’s face is probably the look you will have on your face when you realize he was paid over $26 million to hit .218/.248/.412 this season for the Los Angeles Angels. To give you a frame of reference, Johan Santana and his $21 million dollar salary probably gave a greater return to the Mets even though he didn’t play a single game this year—because at least he didn’t take up a whole spot on the roster.

3. Kimi Räikkönen / WRC + F1 / $26,333,000

Finland’s Kimi Räikkönen isn’t even close to being one of the all-time great F1 racers. He’s won just one Championship. Yes, that’s a nice accomplishment, but how did he turn that into a twenty-six million dollar salary? What’s more, Räikkönen doesn’t even compete in Formula 1 anymore. He’s on the World Rally Championship now. I’m sure that’s great, but it’s no F1. But more power to you, Kimi, and good luck in the future.

2. Alex Rodriguez / MLB / $32,000,000

Like Mark Teixeira and CC Sabathia, A-Rod is a Yankee, and the Yankees obviously don’t have a problem overpaying athletes. However, $32 million is a lot even for the Bronx Bombers. That’s like $20 million for regular teams. And all for a guy whose ability was significantly enhanced by steroids. Oops!

1. Manny Pacquiao / Boxing / $32,000,000

Diminutive boxer Manny Pacquiao is not only the WBO Welterweight World Champion. He’s also an elected member of the House of Representatives in his native Philippines. Still, I think it was the boxing that earned him that $32 million.

Now, $32 million is an amazing sum of money for someone not employed by the New York Yankees. But you know what’s more amazing than that $32 million Pacquiao earned? The fact that, for once, an athlete who is widely considered to be the best in his sport is actually the highest paid in his sport.

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This list could be a thousand entries long. Of course, everyone has their own athletes they want to punch. I’m sure someone out there hates Dirk Nowitzki with a passion and wants nothing more to see him hurt, but that’s not what this list is about. Some athletes, seemingly universally, just rub everyone the wrong way. Sometimes it’s cause they’re total jerks, and sometimes it’s just cause they’re too smug and perfect. Regardless, many would agree they’re due for a good slug in the kisser. So here are 11 athletes we wanna punch.

11. A-Rod
This should surprise precisely no one. From his outlandish contracts to his purple lips to his hot girlfriends to his girly glove slaps, there’s not a whole lot to like about this guy. He didn’t come out smelling like a rose from steroid allegations, but that’s really neither here nor there. He’s just a douchey, unlikeable guy he must be punched. And not in the face, either.
 
 
 
10. Phil Mickelson
I’m not sure how Phil got so much hate thrown his way, but here we are. It probably has to do with his smoking hot wife, the fact that he looks like a sunburned Skeletor with man-breasts, or the fact that he has spent his whole life in San Diego playing golf. OK, I do know he got all this hate. We are insanely jealous of this guy.
 
 
 
9. Ben Roethlisberger
I feel like I’m wasting my (metaphorical) breath explaining this one, but here we go: He is at worst a sexual predator and at best a sleazebag that makes it harder for the rest of us to pick up random girls at bars. He has a goatee. He is an NFL quarterback AND he rides a motorcycle. Ok, dude. We get it. You’re badass.
 
 
 
8. Tim Tebow
9 times out of 10, the “aw shucks” white boy is a media and fan darling. Well, Tebow may have been exactly that at one point, but behold the power of the backlash. God-boy had everything going for him: championship hopes, the moral high road, and a hot girlfriend (that he probably wasn’t even banging). I don’t approve of wanting to hurt someone just because they’re too perfect. Unless they’re Tim Tebow.
 
 
7. Chris “Birdman” Andersen
I believe cultural anthropologists call this “peacocking.” Throwing up as many garish tattoos and stupid faux-hawks as possible to garner as much attention as one possibly can. I really can’t say the fact that he struggled with substance abuse factors into it one iota. If anything, it makes him more sympathetic. The fact that he looks like a giant, skinny Biff Tannen does not.
 
 
 
6. Plaxico Burress
This guy may not be the worst dude in the world, but he’s dumb enough that you feel compelled to punch him then scream, “What the hell were you thinking?” Three stupid things in one unlucky night for Mr. Burress. First, he brought a loaded gun into a club. Second, he wore sweatpants into a club. That’s just tacky. Thirdly, he tucked his gun into his sweatpants. SWEATPANTS! Of course something bad is going to happen if you tuck your gun into your sweatpants!
 
 
5. Philip Rivers
Rivers talks smack to his own fans, other teams’ fans, his own players, other teams’ players, and just about anyone who will listen. However, it seems that people have stopped listening after he has time and time again failed to meet expectations with so many weapons in his arsenal. He’s not Peyton Manning. He’s not even Eli Manning, yet he continues to strut around like owns the place, despite an obvious lack of success.
 
 
4. Serena Williams
Honestly, I just am curious to see how she could take the punch.
 
 
 
 
 
 
3. Wayne Rooney
Rooney is clearly among the elite in international soccer, but that just means he’s more visible and we want to slap him around a little more than a normal player. As one of my friends put it “he has a head like a potato,” which may not be grounds for punching him, but it doesn’t help matters. He’s got a pretty trashy outspoken wife, which we wouldn’t have to deal with if he didn’t marry her. And the constant threats about leaving Manchester United are getting a little old. According to him, they’re not “matching his ambitions.” Further, he may have been cheating on his childhood sweetheart (who was four months preggers with his child) with a prostitute. If one of the world’s most famous athletes, and you need a hooker to get laid, you’re a huge douche.
 
2. Roger Clemens
I wanted to keep this list limited to the field of current players, but the idea of adding Clemens was just too tempting. He bailed on the Red Sox, only to have a career renaissance probably due to our good friend steroids. Then he gets in front of panels, commissions, and congress, only to lie about it. Roger – if you’re going to lie to the American people, make sure you’ve got your trainer/juicing partner all muzzled up. Also, make sure that you’re at least smart enough to tie your shoes before trying to orchestrate a cover-up.
 
1. Tim Duncan
Duncan sorta seems like a decent guy. I mean, he’s probably the one guy on the Spurs that I could call up to ask him to help me move and he would. However, he’s pretty insufferable as a player. He has never (NOT ONCE) been called for a foul without getting that silly incredulous look on his face. Yeah, Timmy, you got called for a foul. Deal with it. He also might be the most boring superstar in sports. Asked if he has any vices, Duncan responded with, “Actually, yeah. I play too many video games.” Ugh. Go hang out with Stephen Jackson and Marbury for a weekend and get back to me. Further, Mr. MVP has never even made an exciting play as best I can remember. Baby hook put-back? Snoooooze.

Athletes are not, by and large, interesting people. It’s not their fault – most people aren’t interesting. However, some athletes warrant a closer look for a variety of reasons. Perhaps they’re awful (see directly below), crazy, wildly entertaining, or just too good to be true. I wouldn’t wish a reality television show upon my worst enemy. Good thing these folks aren’t my worst enemies, they’re athletes. They exist solely for my entertainment and should be exploited as such. Seems reasonable, right?

9. A-Rod
Is he constantly fed popcorn by his women? How discouraging would it be to everyone if his life was filmed and it turned out that he was actually a pretty cool guy? America needs to know more about A-Rod if we’re going to keep up our hatred of him. It would be a lot harder to hate the guy if we knew that he spent Saturdays in the off season making little model trains and wearing a conductors hat. And, of course, there’s the whole rumor that he has a painting of himself as a centaur over his bed. (A rumor that I’m totally willing to believe and makes me like him about a thousand times more than I did.) A reality show could teach us so much. Like why his lips are purple and how one of the world’s most hated men is able to date the world’s most famous actress.

8. Usain Bolt
HerThere are the things I know about Usain Bolt: He’s the fastest man in the world. He’s still the fastest man in the world when he beats his chest and shows off for the crowd. Uh, yeah, I’d like to know more about this guy. Does he act like that at church? Are there things he does really slowly? Perhaps he’s a slow eater, or he files his Jamaican income taxes late every year because he just can’t find the time.

I don’t know why, but I feel like my life would be substantially better if I knew for a fact that Usain Bolt drove an early-80’s conversion van. I can’t explain why. It’s just how I feel.

7. Tom Brady
One gets the feeling with Tom Brady that this isn’t a guy that screws up a lot. He’s not going to drive into downtown Boston for dinner, then, halfway there, realize that he forgot his wallet and start hitting himself in the head, yelling “Stupid, stupid, stupid” while Giselle rolls her eyes. But he does screw up. He has to. And I think it would make all men feel a little bit better if we could see him do it. Like flooding the toilet or realizing that he left the keys in the front door when he came home. Not asking for the world here, just something to remind us that we’re not ENTIRELY different from this man who can seem to do no wrong.

6. Doug Christie
It’s been a while since this guy was relevant, so let’s revisit this dude. He was a professional basketball player. A guard that made a name for himself on the Sacramento Kings. That’s the boring part. His career was pretty unspectacular.

What was spectacular was the extent to which this dude was whipped by his wife, Julie. While dribbling up the court, he would make hand gestures to her (over 50 per game) that conveyed things like “I love you” and “I’m thinking about you.” Never mind that he should have been a little more concerned with what happens if the defenders switch on the high screen that’s about to be set for him, a pro basketball game is not the venue to express your love for your wife. She would travel with him on road trips and wouldn’t let him speak with female reporters because she feared the temptations of the pro athlete lifestyle.

They actually did have a reality show on BET in 2006, but I’m calling for another one, post-retirement, to check in on this happy couple, since no one watched the first one since: a) it was on BET, b) it took place during the nadir of his career. Let’s see what’s cracking with the Christies now that he doesn’t have basketball to distract him at all from his overbearing wife. Does he still make those hand signals while he mows the lawn?

5. Brett Favre
This reality show would just exist to tie up loose ends, like they failed to do towards the end of “Lost.” The program would just serve to address a bunch of superficial stuff, as I don’t think Brett Favre is a particularly dynamic individual off of the football field. However, I would like to know if he wears Crocs frequently, or just when he’s taking pictures of his dong. Also, I would like to know if he owns a bunch of stuff that isn’t made in America. In my mind, Brett Favre only buys American. I could see him paying three times as much for a substandard television, only because it was born in the USA. There would also have to be an episode where he has to go back to Green Bay for some reason. Maybe they could just have him stand on the street while the championship parade goes by. Like I said, not looking for anything terribly important here, just want to get a little more insight into the former Mr. Football.

4. Tiger Woods
The public has really moved on from this guy, and it’s a real shame. I’m not asking for a boring Newlyweds-type reality show, but rather a Bret Michaels-type dating show. After all the unpleasantness over a year ago, we still don’t know Tiger’s type except for “women.” Specifically, “blonde.” How would he do if he dated a woman that made more money than he did? Granted, that would have to be Meg Whitman or J.K. Rowling, but still… Also, America deserves to know what he REALLY thinks of Buick.

3. Andy Roddick
We’d call this show “Brooklyn Decker by Proxy.” Andy Roddick doesn’t strike me as a terribly interesting person, but we’d gladly put up with him for 30 or 60 minutes per week just to revel in the sheer awesomeness of his wife. This show is a serious no-brainer. Men everywhere could watch Brooklyn microwave soup and be enthralled. And if the cameras had to follow her on her swimsuit shoots, then so be it. It’s all in the name of art. For the sake of the show, they could cut back to Andy every twenty minutes or so and see how he’s doing on the couch or maybe just cut to footage of him sleeping for thirty seconds, then get back to Brooklyn rubbing lotion on her legs or something.

2. Park Sung Hyun
What? You don’t know who Park Sung Hyun is? She’s only the world’s best archer. I have known that for all of 23 seconds, since I googled “who is the world’s best archer.” We really don’t need a reality show for many of the more mainstream athletes. We know how pro football and soccer players live. They live well. They enjoy their fame and money. As well they should, but it’s not exactly a compelling story every time around. Which is why I propose we get better acquainted with the likes of Mrs. Sung Hyun. Nobody knows how a professional archer lives. She may or may not lead an interesting life, but it’s probably different than Mark Sanchez’s. If it’s not different than Mark’s life, then Mr. Sanchez should probably go about living his life a little better. Weird “athletes” like this ought to be documented just because, at some point in their lives, their dumb little skill will come in handy in a practical situation, and it will validate their entire existence. I can’t for the life of me think of an instance when archery or lawn bowling would come in handy (for archery, maybe killing a bear, for lawn bowling, never), but I’m sure it’s possible.

1. Charles Barkley
I could watch or listen this guy read the ingredients off of a cereal box, so it stands to reason that I could spend some time every week watching him do more interesting stuff. As fun as it is to watch the Chuckster interact with others, the purpose of this show would be to watch him do stuff on his own. There’s no chance in hell that Sir Charles doesn’t spend at least an hour a day talking to himself. America deserves to see what he has to say while he’s alone. What does he yell at his Ikea dresser when he finds out that he lost three of the screws? My guess is he calls it a stupid turkey, but we’ll need the reality show to know for sure.

If you put your money on Alex Rodriguez being the first one to score at last night’s Super Bowl, congratulations!  You probably won yourself a boatload of cash.

And by score, of course, we mean being hand-fed popcorn by Cameron Diaz on national television.  I am fairly certain the two are synonymous with one another.

This sad scene was caught by the FOX cameras during the opening quarter of Super Bowl XLV between the Pittsburgh Steelers and the Green Bay Packers.  Just when it appeared as though seeing John Madden text messaging was as strange as it would get, we were treated to the sight of Cameron Diaz catering to A-Rod’s popcorn-eating needs.

Hopefully he was kind enough to at least lick the butter off her fingers, like a true gentleman.

Hat Tip – [The Big Lead]

The sports world is rife with double entendre and pun opportunities, so it should come as no surprise that, intentionally or accidentally, print media can perhaps string some words together in a headline that might come across as a little…odd or unfortunate. Factor in headlines about a sex scandal and you’ve go the trappings of some damn funny headlines. Take a look at 20 of the best examples right here.

20. Tiger Woods – I’m a Cheetah

Never one to go for subtlety (or avoid a lame pun), the NY Post is the gold standard for sensationalistic headlines. Obviously, the whole Tiger Woods affair was like their Woodstock.

19. The Bet Rex We’ve Ever Had

Second list entry, second punny NY Post headline. Get used to it. I’m not sure how this Rex was better than previous ones, but the fact is that once a copywriter makes up a delicious pun, the writing staff will probably reverse-engineer most any story to make it work.

18. Cleveland’s Colon Ends Up Smelling Like a Rose

Bartolo Colon will probably get MVP of this list, simply because his name is comic gold in both unintentional formats. You have to think that sportswriters know what they’re doing when they drop a phrase like this, but we will never know for sure.

17. A-Rod Goes Deep, Wang Hurt

I think we all have a hard time believing that A-Rod could go too deep, but I totally believe that he hurts his Wang a lot.

16. A Mother’s Day Gift That’s Sure to Tickle Her Pink

Dear God! Why would anyone do that to their poor mother? Especially on Mother’s Day?.

Click Here For 20 Funniest Sports Headlines 15 – 11

Here is a lesson for you all.  Jealousy will not get you very far in life.  In fact, it will probably only get you about two steps onto the field at Yankee Stadium before you are tackled by three of New York’s finest.

Grim LeRogue learned that the hard way last night as the crazed Cameron Diaz fan made his way onto the field during Game 4 of the ALCS in an attempt to choke Alex Rodriguez and become Cameron’s hero.  He was unsuccessful, however, as police were able to tackle him and take him into custody before he could reach the Yankees’ third baseman.

While searching LeRogue, officers did not find any weapons, but what they did find was an assortment of pictures with incredibly strange messages on them.  One picture of Diaz had the message, “We will be together soon” written on it, while another image of A-Rod said “You have to go bud, you’ve ruined too many of our white queens” on it and had an “X” drawn across his face and a gun pointed at his head.

And the insanity doesn’t stop there.  He also had a photo of Osama Bin Laden, with the words “master” and “I will serve you” written on it.

As for the strangest picture of them all, that would have to be the photo of Whitney Houston with the messages “Whitney Bin Laden” and “you will soon be my master’s wife” scribbled on it.

LeRogue has a criminal record, which includes prior arrests for assault and burglary.  He has also apparently written a 700-page novel about ninjas, which he is hoping to have published next month.  He is now being charged with assault and interfering with a sporting event.

When asked about LeRogue, one of the officers stated that he had been rambling throughout his time in custody and that “He was absolutely out of his f*&king mind.”  No Sh*t Sherlock!  It must have taken some fine detective work to figure that one out.

Here is a look at LeRogue’s arrest on the field of Yankee Stadium.

Hat Tip – [Daily Mail]

This list could easily be one hundred entries long. It’s not that announcers are lazy, uneducated guys; by and large, they’re not. However, when you have to speak for three hours, there’s only so much original thought you can shoehorn in before you have to go back to the deep well of clichés. Some clichés have merit, some make absolutely no sense and seem to exist only to make observations seem more poignant or insightful than they actually are.

The nine listed below might not be the most egregious offenses, but they are certainly among the most popular, so turn your thinking cap off and enjoy.

1. “You hate to see that.”
This particular cliché is dropped any time a player gets injured on the field. The commentators drop this one every time to let the audience know that they should not be happy when Tom Brady or Chris Webber go down like a sack of potatoes. What’s far worse than the use of this cliché is its inherent meaning. I don’t need Dick Vitale telling me how to feel about the misfortune of a player.

If A-Rod shatters his ankle sliding into second base, I won’t “hate to see that.” I would “love to see that.” It all depends on the player and context. For once, I would like to hear the announcers get fired up about an injury and call it “awesome,” just for variety’s sake.

2. “This is a key third down.”
By nature, every down is equally important. The “key” third down is just generally the last opportunity to convert and keep marching down the field. If teams actually went for it on fourth down (which some studies show they should), then the fourth down would be “key.”

Additionally, if the team treated the first and second downs as importantly as the “key” third downs, then maybe they wouldn’t be looking at 3rd and 16 on their own 5 yard line.

3. “Going for it on fourth down is risky.”
It sure is. So is crossing the street and skydiving. Even the most casual football fan is aware that a failure to convert a fourth down will result in a change of possession. And therein lies the risk. It really doesn’t warrant mentioning. Every decision in every sport is a calculated risk. There is upside and downside to every strategy and tactic. So why is the only time it seems to be brought up when a team is going for it on fourth down?

We’re aware of the consequences, so you can tone it down in the future.

4. “If the playoffs started today…”
When announcers run out of insightful things to say, they start with the hypotheticals. Late in the season, this phrase can shed some light on the playoff picture, but do we really need to know that if the regular season were to end three months early Charlotte and Atlanta would be duking it out in round one of the playoffs?

Announcers also ignore all the ramifications of an early playoff start. “If the playoffs started today, the Super Bowl would be in November.”

5. “110%”
The quintessential senseless cliché. Instead of simply saying, “Player X is trying REALLY hard,” announcers decide to colorfully violate mathematical law by indicating that a person is giving more than they are actually capable of giving. “Player X is giving 100%” states the case just as well, while also demonstrating that you are able to wrap your head around how percentages work.

This particular cliché is noteworthy cause it has enjoyed some serious staying power. While other clichés have their moment in the sun, then fade away, “110%” has been going strong for decades upon decades, demonstrating America’s struggle with simple mathematical expression.

6. “If you’re the Broncos…”
This is a very specific gripe. Often, an announcer will say something to the effect of, “If you’re Mike Shanahan, you’re not going to want to keep your shorthanded defense on the field any longer than you have to.” Which often will illustrate a valid point.

However, announcers will make the leap to presupposing you’re not just one person, but an entire organization. “If you’re the San Francisco Giants, you just want to put this whole Barry Bonds issue behind you and focus on the game.” Which raises a whole slew of new questions, like how would I feel if I was the Miami Dolphins or if I was the Los Angeles Clippers. Would I be chronically depressed? What would my average attendance be?

7. “They control their own destiny.”
One of the more existential clichés among broadcasters, this one actually serves a purpose in letting the viewer know that a team doesn’t have to depend on other teams winning or losing in order to achieve a certain playoff seed. However, the mental image is quite funny, thinking about the Patriots, winning games and controlling their fate, while the lowly Bills curse their preordained status to finish last in the NFL.

8. “Mathematically Eliminated”
A team can’t just be “eliminated” from the playoffs, they have to be “mathematically eliminated,” which means exactly the same thing, but gives the announcers an air of intellectualism between talking about groin injuries and sweat contests.
 
 
 
9. “Stupid Penalty”
As opposed to smart, calculated penalties. Penalties by nature are mistakes, so this one can be a tad redundant. Generally, this cliché only gets busted out during personal fouls like excessive celebration or roughing the kicker. Both of which are pretty stupid, but no more stupid than forgetting the snap count or being the 12th man on the field.

ARod went off on Chen and the Royals relievers, jacking his 16th home run of the year and adding two doubles to cap a 3-for-5 evening. It was home run number 599 of his storied career. He also scored once and drove in 4 runs as the Yanks roughed up the Royals 10-4. ARod boosted his slugging percentage up to .500 with his big game, and the Yanks became the first team in baseball to win their 60th game. They also maintained their 3 game lead over the Rays in the AL East.

ARod has been on a nice run of late. If he keeps this up — hitting like the “old” ARod — just give the Yanks the AL East now. Alex Rodriguez has The Stat Line of the Night for 7/22/10.

With runners on first and second, A’s catcher Kurt Suzuki hit a sharp grounder to Yankees’ third baseman Alex Rodriguez, who got the 5-4-3 triple play rolling.  Luckily it was a catcher at the plate, giving ARod and the rest of the Yankees players more than enough time to send the ball around the horn before Suzuki could reach first.

But not all was bad for Suzuki.  He did hit a three-run homer in the first, leading his A’s to a 4-2 victory.  After looking at this clip, I would have to say that the only way the A’s catcher doesn’t get thrown out at first is by hitting the ball over the fence.