Is it Father’s Day already? No. It’s not. But it’s always fun to talk about pro athletes knocking women up. So rather than have Xmas in November, let’s have Father’s Day in November and commemorate nine guys that just…well, there’s no way around it. These guys have a TON of kids. Some legit, most not. The details on illegitimate kids are fuzzy due to disclosure agreements, and we don’t want to go around (further) sullying these guys’ names. Not wanting to go on a Woodward and Bernstein-type investigative exploration, we stopped at the confirmed kids, but feel free to let your imagination run wild. The rankings are largely in order of number of children, with an exception being made for Scott Skiles. You’ll see.

9. Larry Johnson
Grandmama was no lady off the court. The number one pick from UNLV sired five kids from four lucky ladies, who currently are getting royalty checks from Converse and “React Juice” sent straight to their houses, circumventing the middleman. He hasn’t made any headlines or fathered any kids since retiring with back problems in 2001, which I guess is something of a success for a guy that has more than a few bastard kids running around.

8. Charles Rogers
Five children with four women. He impregnated two women before leaving high school, which is something I never had the joy of doing in prep school. However, he had the misfortune of a) being a pretty big screw-up, and b) playing under Matt Millen for the Lions, who was kind of a screw-up himself. His biggest statistical achievement during the NFL was popping out his fifth kid, which almost matched the total number of games in which he played (15). If this list was a “kids per paycheck” list, he would be the grand champion. As it stands, he’s just a really horny dude that played football for a minute.

7. Marshall Faulk
Six children with four different women is pretty impressive, I guess. Embracing his role as the “anti-Kurt Warner”, Faulk was busy drilling for yardage both on and off the field, but still lags Travis Henry in the “bastard children” stat line. However, as much sex as Henry is having in prison, it is unlikely that any of it will result in children, leaving the door open for Faulk to get his freak on during his retired years.
 
 
6. Shawn Kemp
Kemp is confirmed to have fathered seven children with six women, though the number of both children and women is assumed to be higher. This intriguing statistic begs the question, “Who was the lucky lady that was able to draw Kemp back for seconds?” Was she a poet? Did she teach autistic kids the therapeutic values of classical music? Was it Drew Barrymore? Historical records are sketchy, but, sadly, he or she did not find true love, as they are no longer together. Kemp was a hard-working father, though. He continued to provide for his children long after his NBA career ended, when he was found with cocaine, pot, and a pistol. It’s too bad we have to wait 7 months to dole out a retroactive father of the year award.

5. Kenny Anderson
Seven Children from five different moms, three of which were girlfriends (interpret that how you will) and two were from good ole’-fashioned wives. We can probably assume that he’s not married to more than one of the wives at press time, unless he’s starting a “Sister Wives” type reality show. Anerson boasts two baby mamas of note: Tami Akbar, “star” of Real World: Los Angeles, and Spinderella from Salt n’ Pepa, who presumably never got around to talking to Anderson about sex.
 
4. Scott Skiles
When you read that Scott Skiles has at least six kids, you say to yourself, “I’m not surprised. Mormons have a lot of kids.” When you learn that Scott Skiles has at least six kids out of wedlock, you run the range of human emotions that Brad Pitt does at the end of “Se7en,” which culminates in chucking your laptop against the wall because everything you know in this world is wrong. He will be coaching until he can’t hold a clipboard with that many mouths to feed. There’s a joke to be made about Skiles being the record holder for assists in a game (30), but I’ve got enough faith in you, the reader, that I’m not going to spoon feed you one. Have fun with it. That’s what the comments are for.

3. Evander Holyfield
A boxer with children out of wedlock? My faith in humanity is shaken. He has nine kids out of wedlock and two with his current wife, making him…extremely fertile. In keeping with boxing law, Holyfield has filed bankruptcy after one baby mama, Toi Irvin (related to Michael Irvin in my mind) has sued him for non-payment of $3k per month child support, and the bank foreclosed on his $10 million Atlanta mansion. The worst part of this whole story is that he can’t even donate his ear for money. Get it? Cause a rapist bit it off! Comedy!

2. Travis Henry
Variety is the spice of life. Having sired nine kids by nine women, (reports of eleven are unconfirmed) that’s apparently the credo that Travis Henry, recipient of our TPS “Spreading Your Seed Award” lives by. He also lives by the skin of his teeth, as his lawyer had estimated that he spends $170k per year in child support payments. As such, it’s no surprise that Henry decided to moonlight as a cocaine money man. It’s also no surprise that he got caught, as athletes make for awful, awful criminals. Aside from a ten-year sentence, he got hit with about $4 million in fines. Thank God he saved all his money from the NFL. What’s that? Oh. Snap.

1. George Foreman
Foreman has eleven kids, which is impressive. And kind of crazy. All six of his sons are named George, with the suffixes II, III, IV, etc. It’s also pretty clear that Foreman doesn’t TOTALLY understand naming conventions and suffixes. Oh well. Aside for the high number of offspring and the insane use of ordinal numbers in naming his male offspring, it seems that George can distance himself from other characters on this list by being a father that doesn’t make headlines with illegitimate children or faulty parenting, so name your kids whatever you want, George. You seem to be raising them okay, as far as we know.

All the aforementioned had received bad publicity for their stupidity, but Charles Rogers is about to do them one better.  You see, driving while under the influence has been played out by athletes.  Rogers was looking for something new, and he got it…

Parking Under the Influence. The former first round pick of the Detroit Lions was arrested Wednesday night after officers in Novi, Michigan found him “unresponsive behind the wheel of his still running, and in gear, Mercedes on Meadowbrook Road.”  After failing a roadside sobriety test, Rogers was arrested for Operating a Motor Vehicle While Intoxicated and Operating a Motor Vehicle While License Not Valid.

Rogers had been trying to get himself a gig in the Canadian Football League, but is ineligible to play there because he is still serving a suspension in the NFL.

We are not sure what to think of Roger’s recent antics.  While we would like to think he made the smart move by falling asleep behind the wheel of his car, rather than driving while under the influence, we just can’t seem to understand why he would sit in the driver’s seat and start the car at all.

And so our lesson of the day is next time you are looking for a quick nap, try the back seat. Hat Tip – [Fox Detroit]

The Draft is a way for a team to get better and also a way to get even worse.  Here is a look at the biggest draft busts from 2002-2006.

I will give the players drafted in the last two years the benefit of the doubt, because they have not played  enough football to be considered a bust.

David Carr, Houston Texans, 2002, #1,

Carr was supposed to be the face of the Texans franchise when he was drafted first overall in 2002 out of Fresno State.  Instead he became a poster-boy for a horrible draft year. Are you paying attention Detroit Lions.

Charles Rogers, Detroit Lions, 2003, #3,

Rogers was yet another Matt Millen first-round mistake.  During his short career Rogers was plagued by injuries and inconsistency.  The last we herd from this guy he was on his way to the slammer.

Robert Gallery, Oakland Raiders, 2004, #2,

Gallery was supposed to be the pillar of Oakland’s O-line when he entered the league in 2002.  Since then they have tried him at different positions, but he is not the type of lineman they thought they were getting.  Unlike the previous two busts, at least he is still on the team, so he gets some credit.

Alex Smith, San Francisco 49ers, 2005, #1,

In all fairness to the 49ers, the 2005 draft was one of the worst in recent memories, as there were multiple first-round busts.  However, that  still does not excuse them from wasting a valuable pick on Smith.  He still has a chance to prove he can play, but that doesn’t seem likely.

Vernon, Davis, San Francisco 49ers, 2006, #6,

What a surprise, another horrible pick for San Fran.  Davis has only been in the league for  2 years, but he is yet to prove he belongs there.  Davis is the classic example of a guy who had a great combine and was drafted way too high.  He is still young and has chance to start  producing, just make sure this guy is not on you fantasy team.

Honorable mention:  Joey Harrington, Reggie Williams, Byron Leftwhich,Troy Williamson,

Aaron Kelly, WR Clemson

Many rated this guy a second round prospect a year ago, but his involvement in an inept offense sees him fall back into the fourth or fifth. He’s a very lean guy and uses his 6ft5 200lb frame to his advantage; bullying corners by getting his body between the ball and them and shows unexpected slight of feet around the sideline. He isn’t just a jump and catch Matt Jones player; at the combine he proved he’s a big play threat by running a 4.49 and jumping 38inches – phenomenal for his size considering Jeremy ‘the fastest man alive’ Maclin could only manage a 4.45 on the slow Lucas Oil Stadium track. As far as technical abilities this guy has strong hands; not crazy Larry Fitzgerald catch-behind-the-head-one-handed hands but naturally good hands that make drops a non issue. He looks a little awkward when running routes and didn’t have the efficiency with his feet you want to see when making cuts, which contributes to his tendency to ‘freestyle’ in college games. Kelly had meetings with the Bears and Patriots at the combine and is a very interesting prospect from a physical standpoint, time will see if he can adapt to the professional game. Could be the next… Marques Colston.

Nate Davis, QB Ball State

Teams are scrambling a little for QBs in free agency (Sage Rosenfels and Matt Cassell getting trades), so the last thing they wanted to see was a weak draft class. Past Stafford, Sanchez and Freeman who will all go inside the top 20, pickings are a slim. Pat White will be drafted next but not purely on his QB skills, and after a weak showing from the seniors at the Senior Bowl Nate Davis will likely be the next guy off the board. A lot is made of his athleticism but he’s very much a passer first, and shows nice decision making skills when it comes down to extending the play, running for the first or getting rid of the football. Then there’s his arm which has people salivating the most; not only can he throw it deep, but he’s accurate when going deep as well. His short-mid range accuracy is a little susceptible however, a big problem when the deep option is locked down by NFL calibre safeties. Teams are also going to love his intangibles; a leader of his team and shows great poise which make throws look effortless – having said that he faced weak competition. Davis needs to be refined, but makes a great project QB for a team looking 3 seasons down the line as supposed to 2009. Look for a team like Carolina or Seattle to jump on him in the fourth. Could be the next… Byron Leftwich done right.

Chris Clemons, SS Clemson

Don’t want to make it a Clemson love in, but I really liked this guy at the combine. Maybe lacks outstanding size at 6ft and is physically inferior to top prospect Sean Smith, but looked very smooth in drills and showed nice hands when catching. He also ran the fastest 40 of any defensive back at the draft so you can pencil him in for the Raiders already; Oakland need a safety after Gibril Wilson was cut and Al Davis is a sucker for a fast 40. Could be the next… Nick Collins.

Jonathan Luigs, C Arkansas

The best centre class in a long time with two of the best college prospects at the position in Alex Mack and Max Unger for a decade means Luigs slips back – but don’t forget that this guy can play. Luigs possesses quick feet, plays aggressively but stays smart and leads the line well. He lacks the versatility of an Unger or Mack, and also has big question marks over his strength and power meaning he could be bullied at the top level. I also don’t like the fact he has an arm span well under 33inches at 31 ¼, which he hides behind his rapid footwork. Arizona wants a centre after multiple snap problems in the playoffs, and Luigs could be their guy. Miami and New England will also consider him. Could be the next… Tom Nalen.

The last time a pro team went 0 for on the season were the 1976 Tampa Bay Buccaneers who went 0-14 in their inaugural season.  The 1980 New Orleans Saints also started the season going 0-14, but proceeded to win their second last game of the year finishing off with a 1-15 record.  In 2001 the Carolina Panthers did the opposite of everyone else they won their first game but lost their next 15, finishing the year 1-15.

So whats next for the Detroit Lions?

They’ll look forward to the upcoming 2009 NFL Entry Draft where they will probably draft another Wide Receiver adding to their core of disgruntled receivers.

• 2007 – Calvin Johnson (Georgia Tech) – After having a standout rookie year with the Lions, he admitted to feeling back pain this past year.  His number still increased and was the only bright side for the the lowly Lions team.  He had 1331 receiving yards and 12 touchdowns.

• 2005 – Mike Williams (USC) – After having a stellar career at USC, Mike Williams fell off the map completely.  He played a total of 3 seasons in the NFL and is now currently a Free Agent.

• 2004 – Roy Williams (Texas) – Traded in this past season to the Dallas Cowboys, after batting heads with Calvin Johnson for the #1 receiver on the team.

• 2003 – Charles Rogers (Michigan State) – After a standout career at Michigan State his career went downhill when he the Lions drafted him in the first round, second overall.  In September 2008 he was charged with assault and battery of a female acquaintance.  In December 2008, Rogers was sentenced to attend sobriety court or face jail time after violating his probation. He tested positive for vicodin.

The Detroit Lions officially need a major shakeup starting from the front office then to the team.  Things have not gone well for them over the years, so unless they want to keep loosing changes need to be made.

Staring off by drafting a Quarterback in the 2009 NFL Draft, such as Tim Tebow or Heisman Trophy Winner Sam Bradford if they declare for the draft.  But then again knowing the Lions they will probably screw that up as well.  If we were either Tebow or Bradford knowing that the Lions are selecting first overall we would definitely stay in college for another year.

I guess anything this day and age is possible, if the 2007 New England Patriots can go a perfect 16-0 in the regular season then the 2008 Detroit Lions can have a perfect losing record 0-16.

Are back to back 0-16 in the works for the Lions?  I guess we’ll just have to wait and see!

Through this dismal 7 years the Lions are an NFL worst 31-84 since Matt Millen took over in 2001, Millen has gone through three head coaches, and not to mention draft picks that all have basically flopped from top notch stars in College to busts in the NFL with the Lions.  If I was a standout college player and was drafted by the Detroit Lions you can bet I would stay home till I was traded.  Either way my career would go down the drain if i did or didnt play with the Lions. 

The Matt Millen era is finally done in Detroit, lets see if they can now turn this franchise around and bring them back to what everyone knew the Lions to be.

Here are just a few of Mat Millen’s Top Draft Choices over the last 7 years.  Coming out of college as a star, turning into a fallen one.

Top 6 Matt Millen Draft Pick Busts

1. Charles Rogers, WR, Michigan State (1st Rd, 2nd pk)
2. Joey Harrington, QB, Oregon (1st Rd, 3rd pk)
3. Mike Williams, WR, USC (1st Rd, 10th pk)
4. Kevin Jones, RB, Virginia Tech (1st Rd, 30th pk)
5. Roy Williams, WR, Texas (1st Rd, 7th pk)
6. Jeff Backus, T, Michigan (1st Rd, 18th pk)

Maybe Matt Millen’s replacement can do better, I think they should be able to!