WWE and MMA: Two sports that have superficial similarities, but adhere to wildly different philosophies. The WWE is about showmanship, sensationalism, and spectacle. MMA is about gladiators fighting with little fanfare to determine the better athlete. Well, this is an easy contest to judge. Bring on the ring girls, the (slightly more) drunk fans, and the fireworks during entrances. MMA may be more “real,” but real doesn’t equal fun. You know what equals fun? The dumb fun of the WWE. Here’s why.

9. Props
Watching people fight with their arms and legs might be more athletically impressive, but from an entertainment perspective, nothing beats giving people weapons to beat the hell out of each other. Well, maybe not GIVE them weapons, but don’t stop them from obtaining them on their own. The WWE has taught us that most anything can become a weapon if you hit someone in the head with it. Folding chairs are the best example, but I prefer the more metaphorical beatings. Like when a defending champ gets beaten to a pulp with their own belt. Now that’s defeat.

If the MMA wanted to compete on this front, they would strategically sprinkle makeshift weapons throughout the octagon, like a wrench or a random lamp. Your move, Dana White.

8. Substandard Referees
The world isn’t fair. You need to know how to cut corners and get ahead. MMA won’t allow for this education because the referees in MMA are just so damn observant. They know when you’re poking a guy in the eye or illegally biting his crotch.

Not in the WWE. Their referees act as though they are the lovechild of Mr. Magoo and Harry Caray, stumbling around, often fighting with managers when they should be counting the pin. Their incompetence facilitates outside-the-box thinking that builds critical reasoning skills for later in life. By not enforcing the rules, the WWE is allowing their wrestlers to grow.

7. Outfits
How awesome would it have been if during his heyday if Chuck Liddell stepped into the octagon dressed like a cowboy or Pacific Island warrior? Don’t answer that. It was rhetorical. It would be infinity awesome. The WWE guys get to strut their stuff with headwear, fringed boots, sunglasses, and, God willing, denim overalls. The MMA guys just have to wear those Speedos that help them win. Boring. At the very least, every fighter should be decked out in streamers. Meet me halfway, MMA.

6. Vince McMahon
To a point, Vince McMahon and Dana White are very similar personalities. They both have made cultural institutions out of once-marginalized sports. They both are extremely hands-on, Mark Cuban-type executives. They both participate in their sports, rather than just running them. But only one has no problem being a total jackass and allowing himself to be a character in the show he’s producing. Looking like a George Hamilton-Lou Ferrigno hybrid, Vince McMahon is essentially a Donald Trump-like piece of 24/7 performance art. Commitment like that makes McMahon one of the best parts of the very thing he created. How meta.

5. Celebrity Matches
This one is really interesting. Every once in a while, the WWE brings in a celebrity promoting a movie or TV show to guest wrestle or to preside over a WWE match. Which is fun for everyone. I mean, what’s better than seeing David Arquette wrestle playfully in an exhibition match? That question was not rhetorical. What’s better is seeing him get his ass handed to him in the octagon until he taps out in abject humiliation. However, MMA refuses to throw pretty-boy celebrities in with its fighters, so we have to throw our weight behind the WWE.

4. Announcers
I have always felt that enthusiasm should supersede both objectivity and competence when it comes to sportscasting. The voices of the WWE feel like spectators who carry the thrill of competition with them. Actually, they don’t, but I love the way they keep reminding us that they can’t believe what they’re seeing and constantly egg on the wrestlers as though they were spectators in a “Yo Mama” battle. If Anthony Pettis’ kick off the wall had been done with WWE announcers at the helm instead of MMA guys, we would still hear them hooting and hollering about that kick whenever we opened our windows. Though the idea of watching a WWE match with really somber announcers is pretty funny too, the MMA with straight announcing just feels too damn professional.

3. Gimmick Matches
This argument is along the line of the “props” argument, but even more important, hence its higher ranking. Every MMA match I see is in the same venue. The octagon. Which was cool at first, but now seems as boring as a square. I’ve never been bored with WWE matches because even though their ring maintains the same shape, they mess with it in other completely revolutionary ways.

For instance, they turn the ring into a cage. Sure, the octagon is cage-like, but it’s lacks a roof. Cages need roofs, which is why you see so many MMA fighters climb up the walls and scurry away during a big match. They need to be locked in.

Further, there are never any tacks on the ground of an MMA match. What’s up with that? Crazy. Nor are there ever any MMA bouts that require the contestants to climb a ladder to physically obtain the belt, making them the champion. In the MMA, all you ever have to do is beat the guy regularly. Bo-ring.

2. Wrestlers Get the Mic
I want to be entertained by personalities, not just accomplishments. If Georges St. Pierre steps into the ring, I don’t just want him to fight. I want him to gesticulate wildly and ask if I am able to smell what he’s cooking. It’s like the MMA guys have no passion for their work. They simply fight, punch the clock, and do it all again the next day. If an MMA fighter thinks the citizens of Detroit are a bunch of window-licking mouth-breathers, he should tell his entire Detroit audience as much. The joy of seeing a pro-wrestler insult an entire city far outweighs stoic professionalism. Advantage, WWE.

1. The Movie Springboard
WWE has Andre the Giant, Hulk Hogan, The Rock, and to a MUCH lesser extent, John Cena. The WWE has produced some of the world’s finest actors. I’m pretty sure that Gene Hackman and Daniel Day-Lewis were both in the WWE at some point, but my internet is down, so I can’t verify that. MMA has Brock Lesnar, who can’t act his way out of a paper bag. If you love wrestling half-naked guys for money and you have cinematic aspirations, you’re a fool if you don’t go to the WWE. It’s where thespians fight. MMA is just where the better athletes fight. Well, I got news for you: If I wanted to watch good athletes, I’d put on bowling.

The Brazilian 34-year-old, known as much for his humor as his ability to knock out opponents, got in front of the camera for the MMA Ultimate Instructional Set and showed some of his moves.  Or should we say, some of Bruce’s moves.

It is rather funny and impressive at the same time.  Silva not only has the moves down, but he also has the sound effects perfected.  Who better to mimic the most influential martial artist ever than the world’s current best pound-for-pound mixed martial artist (although I would assume George St. Pierre would have something to say about that).

With Silva’s next UFC opponent still up in the air, he will have plenty of time to continue working on his Bruce Lee impressions.  Fighters may want to take note.  The flying sidekick might become just another weapon in The Spider’s vast arsenal.

Some fighter’s skills don’t translate well in other weight classes.  Some people interpret the definition of “pound for pound” champ as the fighter whose skills would be the best regardless of weight-class. Because this would entail cloning fighters at bigger sizes then they are as of now, this method is not valid. In my opinion the best way to rank fighters pound for pound is to simply see who they have beaten. A pound for pound king needs to dispatch of those fighters in his weight-class, that are widely considered as the divisions best.

With this in mind my pound for pound top 3 is as follows:

1.    George St. Pierre
2.    Fedor Emelianenko
3.    Anderson Silva

Many fans will have a problem with this ranking, as much of the MMA world is transfixed with Fedor and Anderson Silva. Much of this is led by hype trains from the UFC(for Silva) and Affliction(for Fedor). Fedor, clearly the best heavyweight in the world, receives much attention as the pound for pound champ for having a near perfect record, his only loss coming the way of a cut. While I agree with his supremacy as a heavyweight fighter, I am not willing to crown him the pound for pound champ.

If you take a deeper look into all 3 fighters records, you’ll see the logic behind my ranking. Since his debut in the UFC, GSP has notable wins over Karo Parisyan, Jason Miller, Frank Trigg, Sean Sherk, BJ Penn, Matt Hughes(x2), Josh Koshchek, Matt Serra, and Jon Fitch. That is a total of 10 wins on his record against opponents widely considered to be in the top 10 of the welterweight division at the time of their fights. In the cases of Trigg, Sherk, Penn, Hughes, and Fitch, GSP was matched against a clear number 1 contender to the title, or was fighting for the title itself. Some will point to the fact that GSP holds losses against Matt Serra and Matt Hughes. In the Case of Hughes, GSP has dominanted him on two seperate occasions since their first fight, and has proven that he is the new age of fighter. In Matt Serra you have a fighter that knocked out GSP coming off a TV show. GSP has shown this fight is behind him, and looks rejuvenated since his loss to Serra, and has since demolished him in a rematch.

Fedor boasts notable wins over Heath Herring, Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira(x2), Kevin Randleman, Mirko Crocop, Tim Sylvia, and Andrei Arlovski. Once you remove all the freak fights against giants that were staged in PRIDE, you begin to see that Fedor’s record, although perfect, leaves many questions up in the air. How would Fedor fare against Josh Barnety, Randy Couture or Brock Lesnar?

This leaves Anderson Silva. (Yes, we know Dana White, Anderson Silva is the pound for pound king who will never be beaten.) I beg to differ. Although Silva possess some of the best striking in MMA, and has a slick ground game to boot, I feel he really hasn’t been tested. Merit should be given for the way that he has walked through all of his opponents in the UFC, but i think this lends itself to favorable matchmaking heavily. Since his UFC debut, Silva holds notable wins over Rich Franklin(x2), Nate Marquardt, and Dan Henderson. That’s a total of THREE wins over top 10 middleweights. In Silva’s defence many of the worlds best middleweights do not call the UFC home. But for the sake of this argument, this is why he is 3rd on this list.

So in conclusion, the landscape of MMA makes it impossible to “truly” see who the pound for pound best is simple because of logistics. Therefore, I feel the secondary means of ranking is strictly through wins and losses. Could GSP beat Anderson Silva at middleweight? Could Anderson Silva beat GSP at middleweight? All intriguing questions that will forever be open to discussion, but the fact remains that the judging of a fighter’s greatness can only be based on actual, tangible, accomplishments.

Other then the blockbuster main event, the card is peppered with solid fights such as light heavyweight contenders Lyoto Machida and Thiago Silva squaring off, and a potential fight of the night between Nate Diaz and Clay Guida.

Now back to the main event. I think it is very important to point out that this fight is a super fight in every sense of the word. Not often do you get to see two legendary fighters, in the prime of their careers matched up like this. To see maybe 3 or 4 fights of this caliber in a lifetime would be a stretch. Ill try and go a little further in breaking down this fight, and a likely outcome.

Here are my 3 favorite picks for this weekends UFC 94.

George St-Pierre (-185) vs. BJ Penn (+166)

Tough fight to call. My heart and the Canadian in me thinks GSP, but my brain tells me BJ. GSP will look to impose his will on BJ in this fight using his superior wrestling and cardio. BJ on the other hand boasts advantages in the jujitsu department, and the striking.

Pick: I’m going to have to ignore my brain once again and go with GSP via 4th round TKO.

Lyoto Machida (-250) vs. Thiago Silva (+225)

I truly believe Machida will one day be UFC light heavyweight champ. His ability to land a large number of punches while not being hit is unbelievable. If this fight stays standing, Silva will have no answer for his stand-up.

Pick: Ill take Machida by Unanimous Decision.

Stephan Bonnar (-160) vs. Jon Jones (+151)

Bonnar should have the edge in stand-up, and ring experience.

Pick: I like Bonnar here by TKO in the 3rd round.

It seems that Penn has taken to media to express his feelings towards St.Pierre.  In this clip you can here him call out GSP for tapping out in a previous match.  I believe he is referring to St.Pierre’s first match against Matt Sera. Penn likes to talk to the media and GSP likes to do his talking in the ring, if you ask me, it always seems like the guy who talks, is the guy who gets knocked out.

I hope GSP knocks this guy back to Hawaii, maybe that will shut him up.  Not only is George a much better fighter right now, but he has something Penn will never have, class.  On Saturday, night when Penn is eating punches, I bet he will be thinking about the stupid comments he made.  Good luck, Blow Job Penn, you will need it.