Coincidentally, the outcome of their game would go on to bear a striking resemblance to Sunday’s game between the Pats and the Giants – two teams battling it out in a close contest that once again sees the Boston-area sports team end up on the losing end.

Sure, things may be tough within the Boston sports scene these days, but its not all bad.  After all, they could be Cleveland.

Here’s a look at last night’s opening snap.

So what did we learn from KG’s 10 second rant to open up his post-game interview with Craig Sager?  Simple.  He has been in a bar fight before.  Charles Barkley has been in a bar fight before.  And Craig Sager hasn’t been in a bar fight before.

Enjoy the weekend!  And try not to get into any bar fights!

Now that we’re actually going to have a 2011-12 NBA season, I thought it would be fun to whip up a list of the top player salaries for this year. Why is a list of the NBA’s top salaries so amusing? It has to do with the league’s insanely complicated “soft” salary cap.

This system, which for the most part remains unchanged under the new CBA, has so many special rules and exceptions that it’s literally impossible to explain here in the little space that I have. All I’ll say is that is makes for some hilarious contracts being given out to guys who can’t even come close to earning them with their on-court performance.

So, with that said, behold the top-paid players for the upcoming basketball season. I suspect serious NBA fans will find it pretty ridiculous.

15. LeBron James / Miami Heat / $16.0 million

LeBron James is one of the league’s most dominant players, if not the most dominant. Last season he was second in the league in total points (2,111) and points per game (26.7), and first in an advance stat called Win Shares (15.6)—which tries to measure a player’s overall contribution to a team.

Before last the season, LeBron had the most closely watched and hotly debated free-agency of all time. And for all the hoopla, thanks to league rules about players with 7-9 years’ experience and their time spent with a single team, his salary is pegged at a mere $16 million. So he ranks only 15th on the list of highest-paid NBA players. Which, to me, is kind of weird.

14. Chris Paul / New Orleans Hornets / $16.3 million

Chris Paul is a great player who’s led the league in four times (including last season) and assists twice. Plus, a couple seasons ago, he was averaging over 20 points per game. But he’s not anymore, and he’ll be making more money than LeBron.

I’m not so much trying to say Paul isn’t worth $16.3 million (though he probably isn’t); I’m just trying to say he’s worth a hell of a lot less than LJ.

13. Deron Williams / New Jersey Nets / $16.3 million

Deron Williams was a great playmaker last season, finishing 5th in total assists and 3rd in assists per game. Throw in his 20 point per game during his combined time with the Jazz and Nets, and I’d say this salary is pretty fair relative to other guys in the league.

12. Elton Brand / Philadelphia 76ers / $17.0 million

Here’s a guy getting paid now by the Sixers for what he did from 2003-07 with the Clippers. During said period in basketball purgatory (i.e. playing for LA’s other team), Elton averaged over 20 points a game each season. Since his move to the Sixers, however, he’s averaged about 14 ppg. That’s a lot of money for a #3 or #4 type player.

11. Dwight Howard / Orlando Magic / $17.8 million

Dwight Howard is a defensive genius who also happens to be able to chip in at least 20 ppg. Also, by all accounts, he’s a real standup guy. So yeah, he’s worth every penny of that $17.8 million and then some.

10. Joe Johnson / Atlanta Hawks / $18.0 million

Hey, Joe Johnson is great—he’s an all-star, and he’s led the Hawks back to respectability. But for a guy who’s never led the league in any statistical category other than minutes played, I’m not sure he should be the tenth-highest paid player in the league. Again, he’s really good. But not top ten good.

9. Amare Stoudemire / New York Knicks / $18.2 million

Amare really is one of the league’s top point producers. He was tied with Kobe for 5th in the league in PPG last season, and was also 5th in total points. Given that he’s somewhat of a one-sided player, I’d say #9 in salary is reasonable for #5 in points.

8. Carmelo Anthony / New York Nicks / $18.5 million

Here’s another reasonable salary, given that Carmelo Anthony is one of the league’s best point producers. Last season he chipped in 25.6 per game between Denver and New York, good for #3 in the league. If he and Amare Stoudemire can get the Knicks past the first round of the playoffs this season, he’ll definitely have earned the $18.5 million.

7. Pau Gasol / LA Lakers / $18.7 million

Pau Gasol is a reboundin machine, coming in 5th in total rebounds per game. He also scores a pretty decent amount of points (18 per game) for a guy who plays on the same team as Kobe Bryant. Those two factors combined are probably why he ranks second in the league in that advanced stat I mentioned earlier—Win Shares. So I guess with his well-rounded game, Pau is worth the league’s 7th highest salary.

6. Dirk Nowitzki / Dallas Mavericks / $19.0 million

Dirk’s $19 million salary for the 2011-12 NBA season needs no defense. In fact, I’d say it’s almost a bargain. He’s one of the game’s most dominant players, having averaged over 20 PPG for 11 straight seasons. Last year he averaged 23 PPG, and the dude is 33 years old. Oh, and he led his Mavericks to the NBA championship last year—despite being made fun of for being sick by LeBron and D-Wade.

5. Gilbert Arenas / Orlando Magic / $19.2 million

Gilbert Arenas was one of the league’s most dominant players about 4 seasons ago. Then he had two seasons significantly shortened by injuries, plus another he had to miss because he was suspended for keeping a handgun in his locker at Washington’s Verizon Center. Since then, he hasn’t done a whole lot (10 PPG over 70 games last year) that would lead you believe he’s going to give the Magic a good return on their investment this season.

4. Kevin Garnett / Boston Celtics / $21.2 million

Kevin Garnett is still one of the league’s best defensive players, and so for that he’s an asset to any team. But probably not at $21.2 million. For that kind of money, you’d like a guy to be one of the top 5 guys in the league at both ends of the court. However, KG’s offensive contributions have gone from about 22 PPG 5 years ago to just under 15 PPG last season. Which is decent, but not amazing.

3. Tim Duncan / San Antonia Spurs / $21.3 million

Tim Duncan is proof that, under the NBA’s salary structure, exceptional players usually don’t make ridiculous money until the twilight of their career. Tim Duncan is one of the greatest power forwards of his generation; however, last season he averaged 13 PPG. So the Spurs are definitely paying him now for what he did 10 or even just 5 years ago.

2. Rashard Lewis / Washington Wizards / $22.1 million

This season marks the final year of a 6-year deal Rashard Lewis signed in 2007.

Now, if you’re like me, after reading that sentence, you would assume that Lewis had an unbelievable season in 2006-07. Otherwise, why would a team give him a 6-year deal that pays him $22.1 million in 2011-12, right?

Well, Lewis had a good year in 2006-07. He averaged 22.4 points, 2.4 assists, and 6.6 rebounds per game. But that was the best season of his career. Neither that season, nor any other of his season, suggests that this is a guy who ought to get paid $22.1 million to play basketball. And yet here we are. Rashard Lewis, who averaged 14.1 PPG two seasons ago and a paltry 11.7 PPG last season, will be the second-highest paid player in the league this season.

How did this happen?

1. Kobe Bryant / LA Lakers / $25.2 million

Kobe Bryant is arguably the best player in the NBA, and almost certainly the best player of his generation. So in my opinion, it’s fitting that he is the league’s highest paid player. Plus, unlike so many other veterans with astronomical salaries, Kobe is still great—not out of this world, like he used to be, but great.

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The annual salaries commanded by pro athletes seem to be growing exponentially, don’t they? It just seems like every year, in every sport, somebody is breaking a record for most money paid to a grown man for playing a game.

Some of us don’t really have a problem with this, and instead fantasize about what we would do with all that money. (Medium-risk mutual funds usually don’t play large roles in such fantasies.) Others think it’s ridiculous that a guy can get paid $20 million a year to hit a leather-wrapped ball of twine with a stick. But no matter what you think about it, one thing is certain: the guys with the 8-figure salaries don’t mind one bit.

Here’s an up-to-date list of the top player salaries in the world of pro sports today.

None of these figures include endorsement deals or other income. They are the players’ minimum base salaries or earnings. For basketball, the figures listed are what players are scheduled to be paid for the hypothetical 2011-12 NBA season. For all other sports, the figures are for the most recently completed season.

Enjoy reading about how great other people have it!

15. Todd Helton / MLB / $20,275,000

Rockies first baseman Todd Helton got paid just over twenty million bucks to bat .302/.385/.466 (AVE/OBP/SLG) with 14 HRs and 69 RBIs this year. The 38-year-old, who hasn’t hit 20 HRs or slugged better than .500 since 2005, is clearly being paid more for what he did than what is currently doing. And Albert Pujols wonders why the Cardinals are nervous about giving him a $250 million, 10-year contract?

14. Valentino Rossi / Moto GP / $20,800,000

Italian motorcycle racer Valentino Rossi is a 7x MotoGP (Road Racing World Championship Grand Prix) champion. And apparently there’s a boatload of money in European motorcycle racing, because Valentino here made a killing over the last year. (Note: there are no representatives from North American motor sports on this list.)

13. Kevin Garnett / NBA / $21,200,000

Kevin Garnett had a decent year with the Celtics last season, averaging 14.9 points, 8.9 rebounds, and 2.4 assists per game. But that’s a far cry from the 24.2 points, 13.9 rebounds, and 5.0 assists he averaged per game in his 2004 MVP campaign. So, um…yeah. Like Todd Helton, Kevin will be paid more for what he did in the past that what he’s likely to do in the future. Sorry, Celtics fans.

12. Johan Santana / MLB / $21,645,000

In 2011, New York Mets ace Johan Santana easily cleared $20 million. But if you’re saying to yourself, “hey, I don’t even remember hearing anything about Santana this year,” you’d be on to something. The 32-year-old Venezuelan started 0 games, pitched 0 innings, and struck out 0 batters. On the bright side, I guess that would make his ERA 0.00.

11. Tim Duncan / NBA / $21,300,000

The Spurs’ Tim Duncan hasn’t been among the NBA’s most dangerous players for quite some time. But as you can clearly see, pro sports franchises tend not to take the inevitable process of aging into account when working out player contracts. Hence, Duncan is scheduled to be the 3rd-highest paid player in the league in 2011. He’ll make more money than LeBron, D-Wade, Dirk, or Dwight Howard.

10. Rashard Lewis / NBA / $22,150,000

Speaking of NBA players with absurd contracts, the Wizards’ Rashard Lewis takes the cake on that front. Somehow, this two-time all-star negotiated a contract with the Orlando Magic that will make him the 2nd-highest paid player in NBA for the upcoming season. But what is more amazing than Lewis actually being signed to this contract? The fact that the Washington Wizards actually traded for this contract in 2010. (If this story sounds familiar to baseball fans, it should. See #4.)

9. Fernando Alonso / F1 / $22,700,000

This Formula 1 race car driver may have finished #2 in the standings last season, but he was #1 in cash. The Ferrari Team member made a cool $22.7 million, which made him Spain’s highest-paid athlete. (What, you thought that honor would go to a soccer player? Please, the world’s highest-paid soccer player is Portugal’s Cristiano Ronaldo, and he “only” made $19.5 million. This would have to be a top 20 list for a soccer player to make an appearance.)

8. Joe Mauer / MLB / $23,000,000

Twins catcher Joe Mauer struggled mightily with injuries throughout the 2011 season. Luckily, it was the first year of his massive 8-year $184 million contract, so he had twenty-three million reasons not to feel sorry for himself. (Also, he got to be in a Head & Shoulders commercial with the Pittsburgh Steelers’ Troy Polamalu. That had to be pretty fun, right?)

7. Mark Teixeira / MLB / $23,125,000

Mark Teixeira is a great ballplayer, but you can’t really judge his talent by the size of his contract. Sure, he made over $23 million this year, but that’s in U.S. Dollars. In Yankee Dollars, that’s only like $15 million or so, which is not nearly as impressive.

6. CC Sabathia / MLB / $24,285,000

Ditto what I just said in #7 about Yankee Dollars versus U.S. Dollars. Sabathia made $4.284 million more than any other pitcher this year (Roy Halladay pulled in $20 million), but his 3.00 ERA was only the 17th best in baseball. I’m no accountant, but that doesn’t like a good return to me.

But hey, CC’s not complaining. Twenty-four million bucks buys a lot of donuts.

5. Kobe Bryant / NBA / $25,150,000

If you’re talking about the best player in the NBA, Kobe is still in the conversation. His 25.3 points per game this past season was good for 5th in the league, only 2.4 points behind the top dog, Kevin Durant. So, in one sense at least, Kobe’s $25 million salary seems reasonable. Still, with guys like D-Wade and LeBron making less than $17 million per year, it should be pretty obvious that a decent chunk of Kobe’s salary was earned by those 5 NBA championship rings.

4. Vernon Wells / MLB / $26,187,000

That look on Vernon’s face is probably the look you will have on your face when you realize he was paid over $26 million to hit .218/.248/.412 this season for the Los Angeles Angels. To give you a frame of reference, Johan Santana and his $21 million dollar salary probably gave a greater return to the Mets even though he didn’t play a single game this year—because at least he didn’t take up a whole spot on the roster.

3. Kimi Räikkönen / WRC + F1 / $26,333,000

Finland’s Kimi Räikkönen isn’t even close to being one of the all-time great F1 racers. He’s won just one Championship. Yes, that’s a nice accomplishment, but how did he turn that into a twenty-six million dollar salary? What’s more, Räikkönen doesn’t even compete in Formula 1 anymore. He’s on the World Rally Championship now. I’m sure that’s great, but it’s no F1. But more power to you, Kimi, and good luck in the future.

2. Alex Rodriguez / MLB / $32,000,000

Like Mark Teixeira and CC Sabathia, A-Rod is a Yankee, and the Yankees obviously don’t have a problem overpaying athletes. However, $32 million is a lot even for the Bronx Bombers. That’s like $20 million for regular teams. And all for a guy whose ability was significantly enhanced by steroids. Oops!

1. Manny Pacquiao / Boxing / $32,000,000

Diminutive boxer Manny Pacquiao is not only the WBO Welterweight World Champion. He’s also an elected member of the House of Representatives in his native Philippines. Still, I think it was the boxing that earned him that $32 million.

Now, $32 million is an amazing sum of money for someone not employed by the New York Yankees. But you know what’s more amazing than that $32 million Pacquiao earned? The fact that, for once, an athlete who is widely considered to be the best in his sport is actually the highest paid in his sport.

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Oh GIF’s! What would life be like without you? That’s right, almost exactly the same, but slightly less obnoxious. Well, as silly as this technology is (and it’s quite silly), there are a disarming number of funny ones online. Without our good friend “GIFs,” I wouldn’t have known that LeBron has amazingly smelly farts or that Chris Bosh lacks male genitals. But now I do. And if you read this list, you will too.

15. Jack Being Jack

There’s a reason he was so good as the joker. The mans one creepy dude.

14. Announcer Gets “Toweled”

From now on, whenever an announcer gets a sweat towel to the dome, that announcer will be said to have been “toweled.” If you are on board, please retweet, Digg, and bump up on Reddit.

I have no idea what any of those things I just wrote mean.

13. Big Baby Davis Makes a Big Baby Face

If you think there’s any chance that he’s not thinking of a big, tall stack of pancakes while he’s making this face…then you just don’t know Big Baby Davis. Fun fact: Doc Rivers always takes BBD out for hotcakes if he can pull down a double-double. And judging by the look on his face, he’s about two boards away from an IHOP right there.

12. Chris Bosh Does…Whatever This Is

It looks like he’s doing one of those acting class exercises where you have to go through the full range of human emotions. Or he’s doing an impression of Brad Pitt at the end of Se7en.

11. Pau’s Loss Is Nene’s Big-Ass Grin

A personal favorite of mine. I can’t prove that Nene is intentionally looking into the camera here, but the direction he’s looking is a little too spot-on for him not to know exactly what’s up. I know that look. That’s the same look I get when I drink tequila.

10. The Lakers Are Enjoying…Something

I think this is their response to either the moon landing, the bin Laden news, or a psychic telling them they would be down 0-2 to the Mavs in the 2011 Playoffs.

9. Baron Davis Just Plain Falls Over

Decoding these GIFs is a bit like studying the Zapruder film. You really don’t know what you’re looking at. Why did BD fall over? There is no discernible reason in this clip. But he does. Hard. And that, my friends, is why this GIF is hilarious. Or at least mildly amusing.

8. Bruce Bowen Is Kind of a Dick

Bowen, embracing his reputation as the league’s dirtiest player, has thrown caution and underhanded tactics to the wind and has just started indiscriminately ninja-kicking everyone.

7. Is KG Trying to Be Scary?

Cause he’s not. Really, it appears that he’s either trying to pull off a really crappy Scarface impression. Or a bulldog. Whatever.

6. Carlos Boozer Gets Left Hanging

It’s really hard to look cool when this happens to you. You panic and do SOMETHING. Cause you can’t do nothing, because if you do nothing, it’s clear that you’re just accepting the fact that no one wanted to high five you, which is sad. So you end up doing something even worse, like an air five.

5. Why Does This Exist?

Someone actually made this. Someone actually sat at a computer and said, “I’m going to demonstrate, through a poorly animated GIF, the literal representation of the metaphorical that the Orlando Magic have dug for themselves against the Boston Celtics. Actually, they probably just said, “Derrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!” and beat the hell out of their dog, but you get the point. So dumb, it’s…hilarious.

4. Chris Bosh Has Ladyparts

…assuming he has any genitals at all. Moves like this make me more fired up than the Michael Vick thing (but still less than OJ). I don’t have anything funny to say here. I just want to badmouth Bosh, then the NBA officials. And, according to the poster of this GIF, he got the call because…of course he did.

3. Hey Mom! I’m on TV!

Dude. You’re a pro basketball player. Anyone with a camera will put you on TV if you just ask. I bet he’s keyed up because he racked up a double-double or something lame like that. Anyway, the baby gets its bottle.

2. Hey Mom! (cont.)

It’s important that he let the world know what a terrible dancer he is. Because if he doesn’t, who will? Not the liberal media, that’s for damn sure.

Lock. Pop. Repeat till you get laid.

1. LeBron Farts

If you need this one explained to you, I really can’t help you. He’s like 8′ 2″ and 748 pounds. I bet that smells like a pile of dead, wet otters decomposing during a New Orleans summer. Varejao deserves it though. He was an ass during that holdout when he went back to Brazil.

Kevin Garnett is no stranger to getting down and dirty on the hard-court, although I believe what the New York Knicks’ Jared Jeffries had in mind here was a little to down and dirty for the Celtics forward.

With time running down in Game 2 between the Celtics and the Knicks, Jeffries hit the floor in an attempt to get his hands on a loose ball, but much to the delight(?) of Garnett, he appeared to grab a hold of the wrong ball.

Could this be a case of “desperate times call for desperate measures”?

That title is a little misleading. I”m not sure it’s ever truly “okay” for athletes to cry. Sure, there is the drama of competition, and of course emotions run high, but it’s still somewhat uncomfortable to see these modern-day gladiators break down in tears. I understand it, but I really don’t like it. Fortunately it doesn’t happen all that much. About once per year, we’ll get some monumental waterworks from a player of note, and it’s almost never teh result of a bad performance or choking, which is surprising. So, in the wake of the big three in Miami having themselves a good ole’ cryfest in the midst of their little losing streak, we’ve decided to bring you some examples of when it’s okay for athletes to cry (even though it never really is.)

9. Wayne Gretzky

When a national icon such as Gretzky loses his identity by being essentially sold in a surprise transaction to the hockey hotbed of Los Angeles, especially after just scoring another cup, it’s easy to see why he broke down the way he did during the press conference. What makes this instance of crying most acceptable is the fact that he wasn’t alone. Millions of Canadians and hockey fans the world over knew exactly how he felt.

8. Michael Jordan

Jordan is tied with Gretzky for “best reason to cry” on this list. Jordan won the championship while still grieving the death of his father, and it was won on father’s day of all days, Jordan’s first trophy after his comeback marked a very emotional moment for number 23 who was then 45, then 23 again.

7. Brett Favre

Ugh. Here’s Mr. Football crying over what was probably his 16th retirement, but may have actually been his first. Since then, Favre has had a lot more things to cry about, not the least of which is wearing Crocs with socks while taking photos of his dingus. That’s a reason to cry. This does represent a simpler time, though, when he acted like the Pack meant something to him.

6. Tim Tebow

This one was just delightful. By all accounts, he’s a decent dude. Perhaps too decent. So when God boy dropped the ball to Alabama, and much-maligned Florida became an also-ran in the SEC, and the waterworks started coming, it was hard not to experience a little bit of guilt in rooting against the guy with bible verses under his eyes.

5. Adam Morrison

This one actually makes a little big of sense. WHen you’re a scrappy white dude with a mustache that plays for Gonzaga, the world may not think too much of you and your team, so when you get shown the door by perennial powerhouse UCLA, it’s not the type of thing that you take likely. Also, college kids are allowed to lose it more than pros are. They’re younger, and they’re not used to “chalking it up to experience and moving on.”

4. Terrell Owens

Mentally unstable athletes cry a lot. When the Cowboys took yet another early exit in the wake of Romo’s Mexican vacation, Jessica Simpson, and TO just generally being TO, the stylish Owens, just kinda broke down. The Onion summed up the moment pretty well days later. “T.O. to suicide hotline operators: Get ya popcorn ready!” Mean, but really funny.

3. Kevin Garnett

Intensity, thy name is KG. This is his “anything is possible” speech. Or “nothing is impossible.” Or “some things are possible, but you have to spend an assload on free agents during the offseason.” In any event, I don’t think these are tears of sadness. I don’t think they’re tears of joy. These are tears from a basketball machine after winning his first championship with his new team, the Boston Celtics. PLEASE DON’T FEED THE GARNETT.

2. Jim Mora

When coaches cry, it’s tough to take. These guys are supposed to be grizzled vets, so when Mr. PLAYOFFS? breaks down about his job security during a pres conference, then gets defensive about being emotional, it’s a little like watching the drunk girl at the wedding who suffers from manic mood swings. In short: it’s not effing fun.

1. Roger Federer

There’s a saying, “if you’re good enough to come in second, then you’re good enough to be disappointed. That’s probably true, but in the 2009 Australian Open, when Federer was runner-up to rival Nadal, he really lost it during the trophy presentation. It seems more than a little odd, considering how much success he’s had, to cry about coming in second. Maybe he just really, really, really hates Nadal. That’s the most acceptable answer.

Who would you say is the luckier person here?  Kevin Garnett, who found himself a rather comfortable seat cushion in the form of this sexy female fan?  Or the sexy female fan, who may have always dreamed of getting up close and personal with a professional basketball player, and was finally able to do just that when the Celtics’ forward tumbled into the crowd at the TD Gardens and literally landed right in her lap?

Judging by their wandering hands, it appears as though both parties are enjoying themselves.

Hat Tip – [Ball Don't Lie]

Nate couldn’t control his excitement following Pierce’s game-winner with less than a second remaining, but that excitement nearly turned to tragedy as he went up and over Pierce while celebrating, landing head first on the court.  Thankfully he would be able to get back up and continue the celebration while avoiding another celebration Fail.

Here is a look at Nate’s tumble during a rather interesting Kevin Garnett interview. Is the rivalry renewed? According to K.G., the answer is “no.”

“Better eat your Wheaties,” was once a common response to a child saying they wished to be a professional athlete. Originally, it was a marketing slogan, but it became a popular refrain, which must have put the Wheaties ad guys on cloud nine. Few products are so closely linked with champions (sorry, Buick) as Wheaties, the wholewheat breakfast cereal. Before athletes got their own shoes, they dreamed of gracing a Wheaties box. Well, the following athletes are living the dream, having accomplished enough to enter the pantheon of Wheaties poster boys and girls.

15. Danny Gagarin

Don’t worry if you haven’t heard of this guy. No one had. Until this middle-aged orienteer made the cover of the box during their “Search for Champions” contest. They found a, uh, champion in this regular Joe who had a vaguely athletic background. Nonetheless, he found 15 minutes of fame. All hail the orange box.

14. Michael Jordan

Don’t worry, this isn’t MJ’s only appearance here. But it is one of the only Wheaties boxes I ever saw that had a player out of uniform, save for coaches. Here he’s wearing a lovely purple and teal ensemble that shows not even Wheaties were safe from the marketing tentacles of Nike.

13. 1987 Twins

While the 1987 Twins are not one of the most iconic teams in sports, or even the most iconic teams of 1987, this cover is indicative of the way Wheaties boxes captured a championship moment. The “team dogpile” photo was one of their go-to’s, for obvious reasons.

12. Kevin Garnett

Garnett was the leader of the 2008 Championship Celtics, so it’s no surprise he made the box. What was surprising is how they put him in a very Jordan like pose. They must miss their cash cow so much they’re making modern athletes pose like him.

11. Shaun White

Shaun White, despite looking like a cross between Eric Stoltz in “Mask” and, well, nothing, got a big boost from the boom of extreme sports earlier in the decade and the inclusion of snowboarding to the Olympics. Who eats cereal? Kids. Who likes Shaun White? Kids. Somewhere, Lee Trevino sobs.

10. David Beckham

Now we enter the “whoops” section of the list with the next two entries. Beckham made a splash upon his arrival (hence the Wheaties box), but floundered quickly after an injury-stricken tenure with the Galaxy. It proved the answer to the question posed on the box was a resounding “NO.”

9. 1993 Cowboys

Hindsight is 20/20. These guys may have been champions in the literal sense (they won a championship), but the following years would quickly reveal many of these to have less-than-savory proclivities. It’s a little hard to make out, but I’m pretty sure there’s only one guy that got arrested naked with a crack pipe on the box. Hint: Not Aikman.

8. Larry Bird

Larry Legend was no stranger to the cover of the orange box, as his decade-long rivalry with Magic helped save the NBA from a slump of talent and image in the late-70′s. Save a league, get a Wheaties box. Sounds fair.

7. Michael Phelps

The year was 2008, and a lanky American stoner named Michael Phelps reminded us of a little thing called hope. After winning eight golds, he was all but contractually obligated to be the cover boy for the little brown flakes.

6. Joe Montana

Joe Montana in the mid-80′s was like Peyton Manning four years ago. He couldn’t say no to an endorsement. So it’s no wonder we see #16 gracing the cover here, in between filming an LA Gear commercial or throwing his name on a crappy Sega football game.

5. 2004 Red Sox

While the cache of of the Wheaties box has waned in the past couple decades (for some reason I want to blame the internet for this), the “Red Sox Champions” box cover managed to stick out in the recent past. These guys were seemingly everywhere after their win, with some players even appearing on “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy,” but the Wheaties box didn’t seem contrived or forced. In fact, it seemed to legitimize it all.

4. Bruce Jenner

Like the next guy on this list, Bruce Jenner has a certain undefinable Wheaties look. But his presence here can’t be solely attributed to aesthetics, as this guy set a world record in the decathlon and scored a gold medal in 1976, which, during the cold war, was the equivalent of a Purple Heart.

3. Pete Rose

Has anyone ever looked more at home on a box of cereal? This guy could be Wheaties’ Tony the Tiger. Pete Rose, aka Charlie Hustle, looks like the type of guy that eats Wheaties about 15 times per day, believing it has medicinal qualities.

2. Michael Jordan

During the late 80′s and early 90′s, Michael Jordan got his mail forwarded to the cover of Wheaties boxes. Gracing the box at least four times (and that’s by himself), he’s certainly the champion of appearances. And he would have topped this list had it not been for one enduring image.

1. Mary Lou Retton

The man on top is a woman. No one really comes close in this contest. Overnight, Mary Lou became America’s sweetheart, and nowhere is that more indicative than on the orange cover of this cereal box from 1984..