Nothing gets my “inessential cross-promotion” engine going like a good athlete cameo in anything, be it TV show, film, or music video. Music videos are the best avenue for athletes because the allow them to appear their athlet-iest, looking like big shots, wearing sunglasses indoors, and just looking awesome. And athletes like their cameos cause they get to hang out with musicians, who are pretty much the only profession that supersedes athletes.

In any event, the end result is more often than not hilarious, and ridiculous. Here 9 such examples.

9. Deion Sanders – 2 Legit 2 Quit (Hammer)

There are approximately 10,000 athlete in this video, but I picked Deion because he’s the only one that’s as goofy as the human money-shredder that is Hammer. You really want to confuse people? Flash the “2 Legit 2 Quit” sign when you’re on the JumboTron at a sporting event. People will scramble to find out what year they are in.

8. Dan Marino – I Only Wanna Be With You (Hootie and the Blowfish)

Just the cheesiest, most forced video ever. These guys are such frat boys, it’s hard not to like them. What does SportsCenter have to do with a sappy fast love song? Other than the fact that the Dolphins make Darius Rucker cry, precisely zero. Enjoy it just for the dated phrase, “NOTHING but the bottomofthenet.”

7. Anna Kournikova – Escape (Enrique Iglesias)

A cheesy hot girl is a perfect match for this cheesy hot guy. The couple have been together for 8 years with no plans to marry. Amazingly, the got a video that matches the cheese factor of the song. Enrique on a motorcycle in front of a green screen, Anna waiting impatiently in front of a nightclub. It’s all there.

6. Michael Jordan – Jam (Michael Jackson)

I love that Michael Jordan sings a song about sports. Crazy. When was the last time the Gloved One watched a sport, let alone played one. The king of the court teams up with the king of pop for this little novelty song that’s probably not even one of the top ten songs about basketball.

5. Chad Ochocinco – Everything to Me (Monica)

I don’t understand this video, and I don’t care to. Monica and Ochocinco star in the vdieo as a couple, leading many to believe that they were romantic off the set. Monica gave a pretty shoddy denial, so who knows? “Monica Ochocinco…has a nice ring to it.”

4. Shaq – What’s Up, Doc? (Fu-Schnickens)

Shaq could have hung out with any rap group in the world. Why did he pick the Fu-Schnickens? What is a Fu-Schnicken? And how does it relate to the oriental practice of Shaq-Fu? He wraps on this one, too. Sort of.

3. Magic Johnson – Remember the Time (Michael Jackson)

Magic Johnson was making for a pretty good Egyptian guard, except for the fact that Egyptian guards probably didn’t speak like game show hosts. I really can’t endorse his first lines enough. I just watched the video and though, “How come I didn’t think this was ridiculous when I was 12?

2. LeBron James – D.O.A. (Jay-Z)

Jay-Z put together a hell of a song and a video for D.O.A., so it seems a little odd that he would mar it with two cameos, LeBron James (understandable) and Harvey Keitel (not understandable). Jay-Z take egotism to a new level by including a scene of him playing streetball with LeBron. And not getting his ass handed to him. Suspect, Jigga Man.

1. Serena Williams – I Want You (Common)

I wish my dinner parties had Derek Luke, Kanye, Serena Williams and Alicia Keys. Mine normally just have Andy Dick and Souljah Boy. I hate my dinner parties. I heard Serena doesn’t take “no” for an answer if she wants to attend a party. I heard that from a very reliable source. I can’t reveal their name, but it rhymes with “Weenus.”

It seemed as though things were cooling down until Tila decided to come forward and speak with officers about the incident that occurred Sunday, and now sources have indicated that there is much more to the initial reports.

Threesomes, proposed sex swaps, chocking, and plenty of nudity is the best way to sum things up in short, but if you are looking for the full story, leave it to the San Diego 10 News:

The sources told 10News reporter Juliette Vara that witnesses at Merriman’s home said the three-time Pro Bowl linebacker went to his bedroom with two women. Sources said Tequila walked into the room and Merriman asked her to join them. However, the sources said Tequila reacted angrily and threatened to have sex with a member of Merriman’s entourage.

According to sources, Tequila was intoxicated, and she got naked and attempted to leave the house.

Sources told Vara that Merriman, 25, tried to stop the 27-year-old Tequila, and that is when she called 911.

Tequila accused Merriman of choking and throwing her to the ground while she was trying to leave the house. Tequila signed a citizen’s arrest warrant accusing Merriman of battery and false imprisonment. Both are felonies. [San Diego 10 News]

What did Merriman expect when he decided to hook up with a reality television star?  Hasn’t he ever seen A Shot At Love With Tila Tequila?

Maybe Shawne is looking to ride the wave of sports athletes on reality TV.  We have already seen Terrell Owens and Shaq go down that road.  It may not be long before MTV picks up the Is Shawne Merriman Gonna Have To Choke A Bitch Show.

Hat Tip – [SportsByBrooks]