The title of this piece probably sounds harsher than it is. Of course, everyone who appears here is an extraordinary athlete. But being an extraordinary athlete is not necessarily enough to give you a boost to international stardom, which is smack dab where all these ladies reside.

Now that I’m done covering my ass, let’s bring out the hot chicks, shall we?

10. Maria Kirilenko

She’s never placed higher than 18th, and is currently hovering around 26th. That’s pretty good for you and me, but does anyone really know who the 18th (or 26th) best person at anything is? Maybe Tiger Woods on a bad day, but that’s about it. Still she’s only 24, which means she’s heading into the twilight of her career, but she’s still trending upwards. So let’s say she’s got five years of game left. Her looks could be with her a while longer, though.

9. Biba Golic

If you don’t know who Biba Golic is, you might have to bear with me for a second. She’s a “professional” ping-pong player. (I’m not going to call it “table tennis,” and you can’t make me.) She’s been referred to as the “Anna Kournikova of table tennis,” which I’m sure is not meant to praise her abilities. She played at Texas Wesleyan on a table tennis scholarship, which I didn’t even know you could do, and my dad will be mad at me for not having pursued. She’s Croatian, she’s 33, and she’s really hot. Just enjoy the picture.

8. Anna Kournikova

No titles to her name, and her highest ranking was #8, though she did sit at #1 in doubles. Nothing to sneeze at, but surely not commensurate with her international superstardom. If you don’t think that has something to do with her looks, you’re fooling yourself. She has reached a level of international renown for being a hot girl that plays tennis.

Google results for “Anna Kournikova Hot”: 15.4 million

Google results for “Anna Kournikova Tennis”: 4.76 million

People are three times more interested in her hotness than in her tennis skills. And I think that’s pretty damn conservative.

7. Jeanette Lee

The “Black Widow.” Why do I know the nickname of a professional billiards player? It’s not because she’s the best in her class (she was). From 1994 to 2007, she was a best-in-class pool player. So let nothing I say diminish the fact that she is probably the most decorated pool player this green earth has ever seen. However, let nothing I say augment the fact that she is a female pool player that exists almost exclusively on Saturday afternoons on ESPN2. The fact that I know her is a “consequence” of her hotness. I will let you argue with me about her accomplishments and fame. I won’t let you argue with me about her hotness.

6. Ashley Harkleroad

She didn’t get to where she is because she has a sexy name, that’s for damn sure. She also probably didn’t get to where she is as a result of her tennis accomplishments, seeing as how her career-high ranking is #39. You know what gets you notoriety when you peak at #39 in the world of women’s tennis? Posing nude in Playboy.

So guess what Harkleroad did?

Time’s almost up….

Yup. She posed for Playboy, insuring that her name and brand would become infinitely more valuable than her prowess on the court. She’s made over a mil in winnings, but I’m guessing that’s a drop in the bucket considering what she makes in endorsements. We can’t show you the Playboy pics, but go ahead and Google her. Make sure SafeSearch is turned off.

5. Danica Patrick

She’s a great race car driver. But if she wasn’t a hot woman in a man’s game, I’m not entirely sure that she’d be the ubiquitous force that she is, haunting us during every Super Bowl, trying to prove some causal link between seeing a hot naked chick on TV and recognizing the need to reserve a domain name.

She’s been voted the most popular driver in the IndyCar circuit from 2005-2010. You know how many wins she has? 1. That’s only 1 more win than I have on the IndyCar circuit. You know how many times I’ve been voted “Most Popular Driver?”
That wasn’t rhetorical. I really don’t know. I’m assuming it’s 0, but the research guy is on vacation, so I’m at a loss.

4. Anna Rawson

According to Wikipedia (the definitive source for everything, always), this Australian golfer has one top-10 finish and has made roughly the same amount of money playing professional golf as I have over the same period of time writing these funny little lists. Somehow, she caught the attention of lad mags and fashion designers all over the world. But how?

I dunno. Cause she’s insanely hot?

3. Natalie Gulbis

Gulbis has one LPGA win in 2007, and endorsement deals with RSM McGladrey, TaylorMade Golf, Adidas, Canon, Michelob Ultra, SkyCaddie, Payment Data Systems, MasterCard, Winn Golf Grips, Lake Las Vegas Resort and EA Sports. Now, some of these I get. I’m pretty sure I could hang out at my local pitch-and-putt for a week and weasel some kind of endorsement from TaylorMade. But Payment Data Systems? They decided they needed to enlist the help of a golfer that’s only cracked the top 10 in annual earnings once? And MasterCard thought the only cache associated with the winner of the 2007 Evian Masters would be able to bring to the table.

Those last two unanswered questions were rhetorical. And a little mean. Sorry, Nat. Keep on truckin’.

2. Ashley Force

Granted, I’ve got something of a blind spot when it comes to motorsports, but the fact that I’ve heard of Mrs. Ashley Force Hood should be a red flag in and of itself, especially considering she races funny cars. There is no reason that I should know a single funny car driver. I don’t even know what a funny car is. I can only assume it’s more humorous than a regular car. And probably faster than my Prius. Just kidding. I don’t own a Prius. I can’t stress that enough.

ANYWAY, Ashley notched a couple of victories, wound up second in the points standings, then took a hiatus during her pregnancy in 2011, but has appeared on the A&E TV show “Driving Force,” which I have never heard of, but does feature a delightful play on her maiden name. Tip o’ the hat, Ash.

1. Gabrielle Reece

For a stretch, Gabby Reece was the best beach female volleyball player in the world. However, considering I don’t know who the overall best volleyball player int eh world is today, it’s safe to say that when Gabby needed two qualifiers to take that title (“beach” and “female), she might have a had a little help in the looks department. She was anointed by Elle magazine one of the five most beautiful women in the world in 1989. While I think that may have been a little dramatic, she’s insanely hot and became a staple of MTV sports because the WBVL kill leader four years in a row.

It’s no surprise that sports and athletics breed hot bodies. What is hot is poring over this list and finding out exactly what sports breed the most hot bodies. There are four golfers on this list! Four! Since when do golfers have better bodies than surfers? There’s no accounting for the madness on this list, but once you read over it, you’ll come to the same conclusion I did. The Mayans were right. The world is going to end. Which is completely fine, because I don’t want to live in a world where golfers are hotter than surfers. It’s just too bizarre.

25. Natalie Gulbis

Doing the impossible: Making golf sexy.

24. Sophie Horn

Two golfers kicking off this list has to be a first. The four horsemen should be cruising by any minute now.

23. Ana Mancino

Revolutionizing the way we think about Italian volleyball players. Not that we thought about them before.

22. Stella Vidal

We will gladly submit to this MMA fighter.

21. Natalie Coughlin

It’s no surprise that she picked a career where she always wears a swimsuit.

When it comes to magazine modeling, Playboy used to occupy the top spot with their bunnies and cover girls. However, as we listen to the death rattles of print media, Playboy’s iron grip has loosened and “lad mags” like Maxim and FHM have gotten their foot in the door, offering hot girls aimed at a slightly younger reader. Regardless of the target audience, these girls are hot, so kick back and enjoy the view.

16. Arianny Celeste

While not an athlete, per se, she works in an MMA ring. That’s close enough to athleticism that we don’t need to split hairs. Especially with a body like that. Apparently, she was so good at holding the placard saying what round it was that Maxim decided to honor her with a magazine cover. May her song never die.

15. Gretchen Bleiler – Snowboarding

Now, only one of these girls is a professional athlete, so we have to ask you to only look at Gretchen on the far right and not the other two girls who are of absolutely no interest to us because they are not athletes. As the cover says, these are painted bikinis, but the that doesn’t keep the strategically placed tape from being something of a disappointment.

14. USA Water Polo Team

Let’s keep this list going with 12 naked girls all on one cover, okay? ESPN The Magazine seems to love to use “The Body Issue” as an excuse to put naked athletes (usually female) on their cover. Which is not only fine, but commendable. Now, I can’t tell you much about the US Water Polo team, but after seeing this picture, I can tell you I would like to know more about them. Do they do everything naked together? Do they even wear uniforms when playing? Someone answer these burning questions in the comments.

13. Gina Carano

Remember the new “American Gladiators?” Think really hard. Remember those two weeks it was on like three years ago? Well, something was able to last from that short-lived reboot. The world was introduced to Gina Carano, a Dallas girl who quickly became the poster child for women’s MMA. In 2009, Carano realized she had a bona fide modeling career as she skyrocketed to #16 on the Maxim Hot 100 list. She has stepped away from MMA fighting to further pursue a career in entertainment and fitness modeling, a move we can all get behind.

12. Serena Williams – Tennis

Sure, she’s big enough to toss you through a window, but despite her physique and dominance on the clay and grass, Serena has a feminine side. She’s got a clothing line called Aneres (Serena backwards, get it?) and gets hounded by paparazzi like her last name was Lohan-Montag, so it’s no surprise that ESPN the mag decided to let her grace the cover completely nude. Save for a smile.

11. Jennie Finch – Softball

Finch’s appearance here should be no surprise to anyone who was watching TV or even had a pulse five years ago. She was the poster girl for the hot female athlete and the fact that she could pitch a perfect game while filing her nails allowed every outlet to play the “she’s not just another pretty face” card, which allowed them to show pics of her in a more athletic context than most. And of course, Sports Illustrated, being that bastion of integrity, saw that anyone who can chuck a softball that fast deserved a cover. I’m sure the fact that she’s smoking was just a coincidence.

10. Bia and Branca Feres – Synchronized Swimming

The fact that these girls aren’t as popular stateside as the Hilton sisters blows my mind. Hot, identical twin sisters that happen to be synchronized swimmers and Brazilian. If that’s not enough for you, then you must be the greediest person alive. In 2004 and 2005, the girls were part of an exchange program with a Seattle high school, the name of which should be officially changed to “the luckiest high school in the history of mankind.” It’s wordy, but apt.

9. Stacy Keibler – WWE

Stacy Keibler, from “Dancing with the Stars” and WWE fame, has been one of the more active athlete-model-celebrities of the past five years. Knowing that a career in the WWE will only take you so far as a woman, she managed to parlay that notoriety into appearances on “Psych,” “How I Met Your Mother,” and “George Lopez.” Those appearances, though impressive don’t hold a candle to what has now become the yellow brick road to national notoriety – a “Dancing with the Stars” appearance. Keibler placed third on the second season, ensuring that even if she doesn’t get too much work in the future, she won’t be soon forgotten.

8. Amanda Beard – Swimming

Hard to believe that this girl does anything but book cover shoots in bikinis, but strangely enough, she is actually a pretty competent swimmer. She placed first in this swimming race at this thing called the Olympics, winning her their reputed “gold medal.” More specifically, it was the 200m breaststroke. Of course it was the breaststroke. Sometimes this job is really easy.

7. Anastasia Ashley – Surfing

It would be tragic if a surfer girl named Anastasia Ashley wasn’t incredibly hot, but sleep easy, dear readers. She is. While Ms. Ashley may not be among the most lauded athletes on this site, she’s an athlete, and she’s ridiculously good looking. She probably doesn’t always go around surfing in a bikini like in a Gidget movie, but if she does…then God bless us all.

6. Logan Tom, Amanda Beard, Amy Acuff, Haley Cope, Jenny Adams – Olympians

The 2004 Olympics were a banner year for hot female athletes. Unsurprisingly, every men’s mag on the market took note of this and captured it on their covers or through extensive pictorials. Much to our benefit, FHM joined the party and put together this cover spread and pictorial showing the readers what the pride of a nation really looks like.

5. Anna Benson – Baseball WAG

The outspoken wife of American baseball player Kris Benson has dug her nails in to the media and seemingly won’t let go until she’s said all she has to say. Which is fine, I guess, so long as she keeps appearing in photo spreads where we don’t HAVE to listen to her opinions on everything from Katrina to 9/11 to animal rights. I’m not saying she’s wrong about any of it, but Benson carries more weight in photos than she does in interviews.

4. Maria Sharapova – Tennis

If this article can accomplish one thing, I would like it to draw attention to the dearth of Sharapova covers on magazines in our United States. The fact that we need to go abroad to get Sharapova on this list in a bikini is borderline criminal. Here’s to hoping that as her tennis career winds down, her modeling career winds up and Sasha gives his blessing for lots of trashy cover shoots.

3. Ana Ivanocic – Tennis

With a name like “Ivanocic,” it’s hardly surprising that this tennis star has gone international, gracing the cover of FHM in no fewer than three different languages. And why wouldn’t she, with beauty that clearly transcends language? Unlike many other athlete-models, Ivanocic has the skill to match her looks, having been ranked #1 in the world. The beauty born in Serbia is now holding steady at #17. (But #1 in our hearts. I mean, #3)

2. Danica Patrick – Auto Racing

When a men’s magazine wants you to appear on the cover in a bikini, it’s sketchy. But when a fitness mag wants you on its cover in a bikini, it’s a testament to the hard work and healthy lifestyle that embodies your outlook on your athletic training. The end result is the same – you end up on a magazine cover in a bikini. If they’re able to shed the guilt this way, then more power to ‘em. So long as they keep showing off their bodies, the readers will find the media.

1. Anna Kournikova – Tennis

If Maxim had a “Playmate of the Century” award, it would likely go to Kournikova, who has graced the cover on three different occasions. Of the three, no hotter was a shoot than the one pictured, which shows Anna in various forms of undress in her Wimbledon whites. It’s no wonder that she is reluctant to pose for Playboy, as she clearly has a good thing going with their rival publication.

It used to be a running joke that female golfers were all lesbians. Mind you, I’m not talking about the kind of lesbians you would pay to see make out. I’m talking about the kind of lesbians you’d arm wrestle at a bowling alley. Granted, they’re both awesome, but for different reasons.

At any rate, at some point in the late 90′s things began to shift. I’m not sure if the quality of play has gone up or down, but frankly, I don’t care. These days, there are more hot female golfers than you can shake your putter at (Warning: Do Not Shake Your Putter At a Female Golfer – You Will Be Arrested or Beaten).

With that in mind, here are 9 female golfers we’d love to see naked.

9. Blair O’Neal

Considering her own website bills her as a “model” first, and then a “golfer,” I think it’s safe to say that Blair O’Neal knows where her bread is buttered. That sounded dirtier than I meant it to.

Another thing I noticed was a lack of information on O’Neal’s golfing victories. But the site was quick to publicize her many victories in those arbitrary “Hottest Athlete Ever” polls. Congrats. Here’s another notch in your belt.

8. Briana Vega

Brianna Vega recently won the Golf Channel’s reality series, “The Big Break VI: Trump National.” Any woman who goes on a reality series is only a few steps away from stripping anyway. She should just save us all a lot of time and take her shirt off.

7. Michelle Wie

Michelle Wie has been in the news since she was 10, at which time she became the youngest player to qualify for USGA amateur championship (at least that’s what Wikipedia told me). But that was a long time ago. She’s 20 now, so there’s no shame in wanting to see her with her clothes off. Right?

6. Bridget Dwyer

Dwyer was the runner up in the Golf Channel’s reality series, “The Big Break VI: Trump National.” She lost to Briana Vega. However, in the looks department, we’ll have to call it a draw.

5. Cristie Kerr

Unlike many of the women on this list, Kerr is actually good at golf. Wikipedia says she has 14 wins on the LPGA Tour including two major championships. If that’s true, that’s pretty cool, but not as cool as this picture of her kissing a dong-shaped trophy. HOT!

4. Maria Verchenova

Maria Verchenova is the first Russian to become a full-time member of the Ladies European Tour. However, she would not be the first Russian woman to take her clothes off for money. Just ask your local strip-club owner, internet pornographer, or Mel Gibson. The list goes on and on, so why not join it, Maria?

3. Anna Grzebien

So far, Anna has over $206,000 in earnings since turning pro. I’m not sure if that’s from golfing, or from doing photo shoots like these. And to be honest, I just don’t care.

2. Paula Creamer

Known as the Pink Panther, Paula Creamer is the real deal. She’s won 11 tournaments, 9 of which were part of the LPGA tour. She is also the current U.S. Open champion, and has won the Solheim Cup for three consecutive years. But all of those things would pale in comparison to her posing nude in Penthouse. Make us proud, Paula.

1. Natalie Gulbis

Gulbis has been playing golf since the age of four. Her game has developed a lot since then, and so has her chest. She won her first tournament in 2007, and has earned well over a million since going pro. However, I’m sure a properly leaked sex tape would make her a lot more.

The best part about this strange new product is that it allows me to write “I would love to put my balls in that bra”.  All kidding aside, this strange new Japanese item probably won’t take the American golf market by storm.  That being said it is a nifty new device that might be a funny gift for a golf-playing couple or even for Natalie Gulbis (mostly because I would love to see her in this outfit).

So what is the product, you ask?  Well Triumph’s new product is a bra that transforms into a putting green.  Confused?  I’ll explain.  So you are walking down the street and all of a sudden you have an itch to practice your putting.  Your short game needs work and you feel the need to work on it a little.  But where can you putt?  Well if you have a lady-friend with you, and she happens to be wearing this bra, you’re in luck.  All you need to do is convince her to take off the bra and stand topless while you take a couple strokes (so many double entendres here, I can’t help myself).  It’s not exactly the peak of fashion, but neither is Jared Allen’s mayonnaise-eating mullet, and a lot of people seem to have those.

But that’s not all folks.  There is also a skirt that goes with the outfit.  If you pull the skirt off, it becomes a “Be Quiet” flag, to make sure everyone around you doesn’t speak during your back-swing with a completely nude woman standing next to you of course.

This is the least useful product ever, but you have to love the ridiculous concept of it.

Hat Tip – [Gizmodo]

A man and woman are both laying in bed after having great sex, and the woman asks him if he’s ever felt that good.  Expecting a “no”, the man surprisingly goes in a different direction.  He instead says that he has, and goes into a story about stepping up to the 9th hole and hitting a ball 300 yards with his Great Big Bertha.  He then proceeds to explain that THAT moment was much better.  The best part is after the whole story he looks at the woman and says “Wanna go again?”

Not only is it funny, but there is some truth to it.  Not that good sex isn’t a great thing, but most men will have good sex many more times in there life than they will actually tattoo a golf ball off the tee 300 yards.  At least I will, and that’s more a reflection of my golf game than my sex life.  You could always try to combine the two, but how many Natalie Gulbis‘s are there?  In fact, that kid that beat Tiger Woods drive has had that feeling more than me.

While most men can only dream of being personally “aroused” by Gulbis, some guy got the honor of actually having it happen to him.  During a practice round for Gulbis, she notices someone sleeping out in the bleachers along the green.  After betting her caddy $5 that she can hit him, she pulls out a club.

Unfortunately for the caddy, he is so good at his job that she hits the man dead on and wakes him up.  How?  When Gulbis asks for the yardage to the man, the caddy says “55 yards”.  It was probably pretty tough to figure out the yardage from where they were, but the caddy was on his game and it cost him.  Was this shot as unbelievable as Leif Olson’s bank shot hole-in-one?  No, but it was still very impressive.

I never thought I would be jealous of someone getting hit by a golf ball, but Natalie is more than welcome to wake me up in any way she pleases.

Hat Tip -  [DevilBallGolf] via [WithLeather]