Dear God, that’s a wordy title. Whatever. It’s done.

Remember calendars? Those paper things that had naked girls or Far Side cartoons on them back before everyone had computers? Well, they still exist. So with January coming up, rendering all 2011 calendars completely and utterly obsolete, it’s time to roll out another edition. The 2012 edition, to be more precise. And since we’re a sports site that never wavers in their focus from all things sports-related, we’ve chosen to highlight the arrival of the sports-iest calendar out there, the 2012 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue Calendar. We had to whittle down to our 9 favorite models from a field of 12. It was honestly the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my life.

Please pour out some malt liquor for the three girls who didn’t get to make it to the party.

9. Irina Shayk

She’s Russian, 25 and hot as blazes. I’ll give you some more information, anyway.

She’s on the cover of this year’s issue after having appeared in the magazine since 2007. She often gets confused for Brazilian due to her dark complexion, but says that feature is common of people with Tatar lineage. I’m guessing she doesn’t settle the issue by showing everyone her pubic hair, but in my mind she sort of does. She’s so hot, even her dog is sort of famous, as her pup Caesar is the offspring of one of the dogs that played Marley in Marley and Me.

What a talented family.

8. Hilary Rhoda

Ms. Rhoda is 24 and from Maryland. She played field hockey and lacrosse in high school, then forewent college to walk around places and be really hot. I would have done the same thing. She’s a lofty 5’ 11”, which means that she’s taller than 65% of the men out there. So if you’re over six feet, take solace in knowing that you have a really good shot with her. She’s appeared in the Swimsuit Issue since 2009.

7. Jessica Gomes

She’s Australian of Singaporean-Chinese descent, just like the author of this article. Well, close. I’m Irish-American. She’s been gracing the pages of the SI Swimsuit Issue from 2008 onward, so they must like the quality of her work. She also was on the cover of Maxim this month, November 2011. In case you just cavalierly assumed she doesn’t have her own line of lip gloss, you take that back right now, because she does. It’s called Gomes Pink, and I bet it’s awesome.

6. Esti Ginzburg

This Israeli actress/model is the junior one of the group at only 21 years old. She also served in the Israeli military, as required by law, which fires her hotness factor up by like 10,000 percent. She actually criticized fellow Israeli model Bar Rafaeli for avoiding military service. I think Esti would win in this fight. You know why? CAUSE SHE HAS MILITARY EXPERINCE. In case you have been staring at her breasts this entire time, I’ll thank you to know that her eyes are hazel. That’s right. Hazel.

5. Brooklyn Decker

She’s 24 and from rural Ohio, but Brooklyn has made quite a career for herself, having married tennis star Andy Roddick (that’s the obligatory sports reference here. Nothing else will be sports-related.), graced the cover of last year’s issue, and appeared opposite Adam Sandler in Just Go With It. And Esquire said that last year, she was the sexiest woman alive.

No argument here.

4. Julie Henderson

This 25 year-old from Houston has been appearing in the SI Swimsuit Issue since 2007, which pretty much makes her a senior citizen among her peer group. She wears a size 4 dress, in case you were thinking of sending her a totally-not-creepy gift. She’s appeared in pretty much every fashion mag there is, including Elle Girl, Teen Vogue, Harpers Bazaar, and Vogue.

Also, she’s above average in the looks department. That warrants mentioning.

3. Jessica White

Born in Buffalo, NY, this 27 year old isn’t only a model, but also a DJ. Honestly, who ISN’T a DJ these days? I know I am. I’m working the 1’s and 2’s as I write this. It’s hard to tell if an appearance in this calendar is the apex of her career, as she’s appeared in Big Momma’s House 2 and a Big and Rich music video. I’m kidding. Of course this is her high point. Both those other things suck.

2. Kate Upton

UPTON! Kate Upton was bequeathed this year’s “Rookie of the Year,” which I guess means she wore a bikini and/or held her own boobs better than any other newbie did this year. Good for her.

Upton graces the calendar in July, so every mark your calendars (YOUR SI SWIMSUIT CALENDARS!) for July of 2012. It should be a grand month. Easily in the top 10 best month next year. Easily.

1. Chrissy Teigen

This 25 year-old Utah beauty stands 5’8” and deputed in last year’s Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue. She seems to really have come into her own over the past year. If this progress continues, just imagine how she’ll look in 30 or 40 years. That’s right. Amazing.

Chrissy was also a Deal or No Deal model in 2006, which launched her on the cover of Maxim. That’s a nice little progression.

Michael Jordan has appeared on the cover a record 60 times, with Tiger Woods second at 45 and Muhammad Ali rounding out the top three with 38 appearances.  A number of celebrities have also donned the cover such as Ed Sullivan, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Chris Rock and even Big Bird, just to name a few.  John F. Kennedy, Gerald Ford, Ronald Reagan and Bill Clinton are all presidents who have also been on the cover.

Without a doubt the most popular Sports Illustrated issue of the year is the annual Swimsuit Edition.  It features beautiful celebrities and models wearing bikinis in some of the most exotic places in the world.  No wonder it’s the highest selling issue of the year.

Here is Bar Refaeli shooting the 2009 swimsuit edition.

Notable Birthdays

Ed Olczyk, NHL – Born August 16th 1966 (age 45) in Chicago, Illinois

Ben Coates, NFL – Born August 16th 1969 (age 42) in Greenwood, South Carolina

Ryan Longwell, NFL – Born August 16th 1974 (age 37) in Seattle, Washington

A few years back we introduced you all to Leryn Franco, the Paraguayan athlete whose looks pierced out hearts much like her javelin throws pierce the ground on which they land.  Well it appears as though Franco is back and looking better than ever as she showed off that incredible body and beautiful face for Sports Illustrated’s Swimsuit Issue.

You may have to buy the magazine if you want to see all of the pictures (or you can see them here), but we have something even better for you below – video footage of Franco’s photo shoot, which took place in the beautiful outdoors of Banff, Canada.

Here are three clips for you all to ogle.  Enjoy!

Hat Tip – [Sports Illustrated]

Sports Illustrated released its 2011 Swimsuit Issue, and like always, the women were ridiculously hot. And while I’m certainly not complaining about the models they used, I can help but think a magazine that’s all about sports could have better utilized some female athletes. From time to time, women like Danica Patrick and Anna Kournikova have made the cut. But with so many other beautiful athletes to choose from, there’s really no excuse for not featuring more. Here are 15 examples of female athletes who belong in the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue.

Natalie Gulbis

Natalie Gulbis is a ridiculously hot female golfer. She’s already posed for magazines like FHM, so how hard could it be to make the jump to S.I.?

Anna Semenovich

Anna Semenovich is a Russian ice dancer who could easily fill out a swimsuit. But as hot as she is, I have a hard time believing she could take a sexier picture than the one featured above.

Anastasia Ashley

Anastasia Ashley was a professional surfer. Now, I think she just makes a living off of being hot. And what better way to do that than by posing for S.I.?

Anna Rawson

There was a time when calling a woman a female golfer was equivalent to calling her a butch tranny. Thanks to girls like Anna Rawson, that’s no longer the case.

Bia and Branca Feres

Despite the fact that these girls are twins, I’ve counted them as one person on this list. Consider it my gift to you.

Stacy Keibler

Some people will argue that WWE wrestlers aren’t truly athletes. No matter where you stand on that, there’s no arguing that Stacy Keibler looks good in a bikini.

Misty May

Misty May’s name sounds a lot like a stripper or a porn star. However, she’s actually a volleyball player. All three professions happen to involve about the same amount of clothing.

Simona Halep

Before her breast reduction surgery, Simona definitely belonged on this list. And now that she’s gone through with it, I’m almost more curious to see what she looks like in a bikini, professionally speaking, of course. I dabble in plastic surgery when I’m not greeting people at Costco.

CLICK HERE For The 15 Female Athletes Who Belong in the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue 7 – 1

Just a few days ago we provided you all with a stunning gallery of the gorgeous Irina Shayk, who we introduced as Cristiano Ronaldo’s latest girlfriend.  Now we are reintroducing her, this time as the 2011 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue cover girl.  The 25-year-old Russian first appeared within the pages of SI’s Swimsuit Issue back in 2007 and could be found in every issue since.  This time she will be featured on the cover, as was revealed on The Late Show with David Letterman Monday night.

If being tagged as Ronaldo’s playmate wasn’t enough to put a giant spotlight on Irina, this should do the trick.

The shoot takes place on the beautiful beaches of Maui, although, one could pretty much shoot this heavenly creature anywhere and there is little doubt that it would be hotter than hell.  The photographer was Bjorn Ioss, who was working on his first shoot for Sports Illustrated, and his initiation couldn’t have been any better than what they put before him; Irina on all fours with the white Maui sands beneath her.  Welcome to the job kid.

View the rest of Irina Shayk’s 2011 SI Swimwuit Edition Pictures at (SportsIllustrated)

Hat Tip – [USA Today]

The Philadelphia Phillies’ Roy Halladay was lucky enough to have his Sports Illustrated jinx last for only one spring training game.  The New York Yankees have not been so fortunate.  And to make matters worse, the May 3, 2010 issue of the popular sports magazine featured not one, but four of the Bronx Bombers’ top players.

So how has gracing the cover of SI treated Mariano Rivera, Derek Jeter, Jorge Posada and Andy Pettitte thus far?  Let’s just say that not even the boys in pinstripes are immune to some bad luck.

As of yesterday, the names of three of the four cover boys could be found on the Yankees’ injury report.  Rivera has been sidelined with stiffness in his left side, Posada was out with a mild calf strain, and Pettitte was forced to leave yesterday’s game and has been listed as day-to-day with an inflamed left elbow.  Derek Jeter appears to be the only one surviving his SI cover experience.

Thankfully, the jinx has only affected the health of the players featured on the magazine, and not the team’s record (they have won four in a row).  However, they may want to consider avoiding SI covers for the remainder of the season.  If they can do that, the Yankees may once again find themselves featured on the cover in November, as World Series champions.

After being traded in the off-season to the Philadelphia Phillies, there has been high expectations placed on both Roy Halladay, and his new club.  In fact, the expectations are so high that the Doc was featured on the cover of Sports Illustrated’s 2010 Baseball Preview edition.

You know what that means.  The jinx is on, or at least for one day it was.

Just one day after the release of the magazine, which also picked the Phillies to win the World Series, Roy pitched against his former club in his final Grapefruit League test, and things didn’t work out too well for the righty.  The Jays roughed up their former ace in the first inning, recording four runs on five hits, including three doubles and a two-run homer off the bat of Aaron Hill.

Toronto would go on to win the game by a score of 5-2.  So how did they explain Halladay’s rare poor performance?  “I think he was trying to build our confidence up, is what he was doing,” was the prognosis according to Lyle Overbay.

Roy had already given his thanks to the city of Toronto, but could this have been just another way for him to show his appreciation?  It isn’t often that we see him struggle like this, so whether it was a gift, or another case of the SI jinx, just don’t get used to it.  Once the season begins, nothing should be able to slow down Halladay.

Hat Tip – [Big League Stew]

While some have been busy preparing for the return of No.4 in their own unusual ways, Sports Illustrated has decided to take thier own spin on the situation; A Brett Favre boycott.

The upcoming issue of the popular sports magazine will feature the world’s fastest man, Usain Bolt, on the cover (minus his new Ferrari California), but it will not mention anything regarding the comeback of Brett Favre.  That’s right!  SI stated the following on their decision to exclude the former-Packer-turned-Viking:

“Had your fill of Brett Favre? If so, SI offers an escape, promising zero mention of the Hall of Famer on the pages of this week’s 100% Favre-Free issue.”

On ther cover there also appears to be a “100% Favre Free” logo.

How refreshing, but if you are going to give us a Favre-free issue, shouldn’t you consider leaving his name off the cover of the magazine?

Hat Tip – [Sports Media Watch]

Would Danica Patrick take performance enhancing drugs for a victory?

In an interview with Dan Patrick (yes, the names may get a bit confusing) for sports illustrated, Danica was asked that very question.  The conversation went a little something like this:

Dan: “If you could take a performance-enhancing drug and not get caught, would you do it if it allowed you to win Indy?

Danica: Well, then it’s not cheating, is it? If nobody finds out?

Dan: So you would do it?

Danica: Yeah, it would be like finding a gray area. In motorsports we work in the gray areas a lot. You’re trying to find where the holes are in the rule book.”

Since the comments went public, Danica has taken back her comments, but does she really mean that?  It is amazing what some people would do to win.  Now the only question is do you applaud such efforts that show how much desire one has to win, or do you frown upon these cheaters.  I would choose the later, and hopefully in the future Danica does too.

Either or next time I see Danica Patrick, I’m gonna ask her if she can sign my chest!!

Hat Tip – [Deadspin]

So that brings us to the question of, what has happened to Michael Vick’s dogs?  Sports Illustrated had the answer as they displayed the photos of the families who have adopted the former fighting canines.  Ten photos in total are displayed,  and it is amazing how close these people have become with what many would consider to be dangerous predators.  One child reads with his new four-legged friend, while another currently shares a home with a cat.  Maybe pit bulls can be proper pets if given proper training (i.e. not as guard dogs or fighters).

It is great to see that at least one side of the story can have a happy ending to it.  Whether Michael Vick can turn his life around, much like the former dogs who he exploited for entertainment and money have, will remain to be seen.  This week has merely been another step in the right direction.

Michael Vicks Dog Zippy

Michael Vicks Dog The Healing Touch

Michael Vicks Dog Earnie

Michael Vicks Dog Sweet Pea