Tiger Woods

I guess not everything in life has to make sense all of the time.  After all, how else would we explain those strange, inexplicable instances in life, like when Cowboys head coach Jason Garrett calls a timeout to ice his own kicker (which actually happened yesterday)?  So with that being said, let’s all try to sit back and enjoy Tiger’s return to glory and the accompanying call for “mashed potatoes,” that made it all happen.

Tiger Woods

The challenge was intended to promote his upcoming Chevron World Challenge event, which is expected to begin on December 1st at the Sherwood Country Club in Thousand Oaks, California.  And if he continues to put like he did during  the Hollywood & Highland Mall Putting Challenge, he just might win that tournament as well.

Hat Tip – [Golf Sliced]

While lining up a putt on the seventh green, a fan came running out of the gallery and yelled “Tiger,” before tossing a hot dog and bun in Woods’ direction.  The spectator surrendered himself immediately after the throw and was arrested for disturbing the peace, a misdemeanor.

As for Tiger, he couldn’t help but feel as though someone had just stolen his thunder.  After all, he is usually the one throwing his meat around.

Here is a look at the incident.

Hat Tip – [Devil Ball]

Currently sitting at +9 through eleven holes during the second round of the PGA Championship, it doesn’t appear as though Tiger Woods will be making the cut this time around.  But that didn’t seem to bother one over-exuberant fan, who was just happy to get a close-up look at the 14-time Major winner, as well as some television facetime for himself.

Hat Tip – [Devil Ball]

Tiger Woods had a rough start to the tournament as he shot a +1 (70) in the opening round and sat six shots back of the leader.  However, Tiger turned it around in the second round and tied the course record by shooting a 63 to head into the weekend with a two-shot lead.  Woods would not look back and claimed his fourth PGA Championship, improving to 13-0 in major championships when holding at least a share of the 54-hole lead.

This was Tiger’s 13th career major title, but has only one win since then.  Woods is clearly not the player he used to be, as he fired a seven-over 77 during the first round of the PGA Championship yesterday, his worst round ever at the tournament.

Here is Tiger accepting his trophy in 2007.  Don’t expect to see this happen in 2011.

Notable Birthdays

Antoine Walker, NBA – Born August 12th 1976 (age 35) in Chicago, Illinois

Plaxico Burress, NFL – Born August 12th 1977 (age 34) in Norfolk, Virginia

Chris Chambers, NFL – Born August 12th 1978 (age 33) in Cleveland, Ohio

And when Tiger Woods is struggling, we all know that the expletives usually aren’t very far behind.  Here is his latest, a “God Dammit” following his second shot out of the bunker on the par-4 16th.  The video quality may not be the best, but the sound byte is all we really need anyways.

I think everyone can agree that adultery is always a bad choice. If you don’t want to be faithful to one lady, just don’t get married. Still, if we’re being honest, we probably have to admit that filthy rich pro athletes who cheat on their ridiculously hot trophy wives are somehow more contemptible than your regular everyday adulterer. I mean it’s like, what more do you people want? They’re like those kids who won’t let other kids play with their toys even if they’re not using them at the moment. Anyway, here is a list of superhot sports wives with dumb-ass husbands who didn’t even have the decency to keep their extramarital affairs discreet, let alone abstain from them altogether. I feel confident that, when you see these women, you will feel a strong desire to punch their philandering hubbies in the crotch.

9. Shaunie O’Neal

Shaunie O’Neal usually sports a pretty bad haircut. But if you look past that, you can see she is clearly a beautiful woman who looks a lot classier than some of the other skanks hanging around the NBA. Now, there is no definitive evidence that Shaq cheated on Shaunie, but there are lots of rumors swirling around. Plus, don’t forget what Kobe Bryant said back in 2003 when being investigated for rape. He told Colorado police that he should have done what Shaq does: “pay his women not to say anything.” So, obviously, Shaq blames Kobe for his divorce.

8. Millie Corretjer

Former boxing champ Oscar De La Hoya surprised everyone by checking into rehab this past May. Turns out the superstar athlete was having a little trouble controlling his intake of booze and cocaine, which was in turn affecting his judgment. Yep, Oscar blames the drugs for his infidelities. But hey, at least he didn’t make the even lamer excuse that a “sex addiction” led him to cheat on his crazy-hot wife, Millie Corretjer.

7. Sonia Lo Duca

Hey, remember when the Mets were a good baseball team? No? Well, it was all the way back in 2006. They were the toast of the town, and the New York media was all over them. So when catcher and fan favorite Paul Lo Duca announced that he was splitting with his Playboy model wife, Sonia Flores Lo Duca, the media went apeshit. And of course it wasn’t long before it was revealed that, yes, inexplicably, Lo Duca had cheated on Sonia.

6. Cheryl Cole

Chelsea soccer stud Ashley Cole had one of the hottest sports wives on the planet in British pop singer Cheryl Cole. Then he engaged in numerous flings with several other women, despite the fact that he was reportedly terrified of getting caught. And of course he was caught, and now looks like a complete douche.

5. Toni Terry

Apparently Chelsea players just are not satisfied by their smoking hot wives. Last year, soccer star John Terry—who also happens to be the captain of England’s national team—was caught in a nasty sex scandal of his own. It was revealed that the idiot had a 5 month affair with the girlfriend of former teammate Wayne Bridge. Through some sort of divine intervention (okay, it’s probably the money), his gorgeous wife Toni decided to stick with him. Since then, they have made sure to give the paparazzi numerous opportunities to catch them sharing totally un-staged intimate moments.

4. Joumana Kidd

Jason Kidd and his sultry albeit unfortunately named ex-wife Jourmana had one nasty breakup. The wild allegations and insinuations were flying left and right. Did he beat her? Did she beat him? In the end, who the hell knows what actually went down. But it does seem likely that Jourmana’s claims about Kidd’s infidelity are probably true. I mean, you hate to buy into stereotypes, but it’s not like NBA players are known for their strong moral fiber.

3. Eva Longoria

This one just breaks your heart, doesn’t it? I mean, who the hell does Tony Parker think he is? No one outside San Antonia gave a rat’s ass about him before he started dating America’s Latin sweetheart Eva Longoria. Suddenly he was a household name, making more appearances on Entertainment Tonight than Sportscenter. But then the moron went and cheated on beautiful Eva with the wife of a former teammate.

2. Elin Nordegren

Only a cocky piece of garbage would humiliate his crazy hot Swedish bikini model wife the way Tiger Woods did back in 2009. Seriously, Tiger, what the hell? Were you unaware that text messages can be saved? Or did you think, “hey, this gold-digging club promoter surely wouldn’t have anything to gain by taking our relationship public”? Either way, you blew it big time.

1. Vanessa Bryant

Coming in at #1 is by far the most insanely hot and most tragically humiliated of all the sports wives on this list. Poor Vanessa Bryant was dragged through the mud back in 2003 when husband Kobe was accused of raping a 19-year-old Colorado woman. Kobe of course denied that he raped the woman, but admitted in a tear-soaked press conference that he had engaged in consensual sex with the her. Charges were eventually dropped when reports surfaced that the 19-year-old reportedly bragged about getting into bed with the basketball superstar. However, Kobe was convicted in the court of public opinion on charges of being a first-class dipshit.

Those looking to apply will need the obvious skills that Tiger demands from his caddies, like reading putts, selecting clubs, and keeping tabs on all of his hos.

Here is a look at the advertisement, which has since been taken down.  I guess Tiger already found someone to fill the position.

P.S. This was not actually posted by Tiger Woods.  Hope you already knew that.

I guess between his poor play and his abundance of injuries, endorsing heat rubs and other medical products makes the most sense for Woods these days.

Here is an idea Tiger.  How about slapping some of that heat rub on your Achilles and getting your ass on a flight to Britain for the Open Championship?

Hat Tip – [Wei Under Par]

In the world of sports, conversations run rampant with “what if” scenarios. “What if Jordan hadn’t walked away following his father’s death?” “What if Portland had picked Durant first?” However, perhaps the most ethereal “what if” scenario is also one of the most fun: What if (superstar X) had gone down a different path playing another sport? What skills translate? Would that person be better or worse than they are now? We’ll never have an answer, which is exactly why talking about it makes for such fun/frustrating conversation. Here are 9 for your review.

9. LeBron James – Football
Though LeBron’s toughness is a bit of a question mark, there’s no denying his size and talent. Of course, the question is “Where do you put him?” And the answer is tight end. His blocking would be decent, not great (though I like the space he takes up moving a few yards downfield to pin a linebacker), but I absolutely love the thought of him on drag patterns over the middle and to the flats. He wouldn’t have the speed to be any sort of threat downfield, but he would dwarf linebackers and corners, posting up the latter on 5-10-yard patterns.

If that doesn’t get your motor running, I am also intrigued with BronBron as a nickel linebacker (preferably in a zone) defense, guarding the middle of the field with that wingspan of his. Mobility is an issue, but give him a small enough zone and he would absolutely own it.

8. Tiger Woods – Baseball
I don’t know how he would fare in the field, but who really cares about outfielders’ defense? I think that Tiger’s athleticism would provide him with mobility and a decent arm, but my reason for picking him is his productivity in the batter’s box. He has the torque and hand speed to crank out less-than-optimal pitches, and I really like his focus and concentration. He seems like a born hitter. Putting up over 300 pounds on the bench, Tiger would be dual threat contact/power hitter. At third in a lineup, you don’t want to pitch to him, and you can’t walk him.

7. Steve Nash – Hockey
Not just because he’s Canadian. OK, maybe a little because he’s Canadian, but also because he’s got all the sensibilities of a Gretzky in a more athletic body. Gretzky came in at 6’ 0” 190, and Nash stands 6’ 3” 178. Now, he’d have to put on some weight (15-20 pounds) to be competitive, but I love him running an offense as well as his ability to cut to the net. His quickness and court awareness would make him a force to be reckoned with on breakaways and on power plays. If you’re a man down, the last thing you’d want is to be facing Nash and his ability to dismantle your defense.

6. Allen Iverson – Lacrosse
I think Bill Simmons mentioned, in an older column, the threat Iverson would be on the soccer field. But I think that his mindset and talents are even better suited to lacrosse, where his first step and quickness would make him virtually impossible to defend. His ball-handling abilities would leave defenders guessing if he was going to pass, drive, or shoot, just as they do (did) on the court. Drive him away from the goal, and he could fake a shot, roll in, and score before you realized you lost him.

That said, I like him as a midfielder, because is there anyone you would rather have running your fast break? Well, maybe his next guy…

5. Ben Wallace – Soccer
On the soccer pitch, there is really only one place for someone of Ben’s carriage, and that’s in goal. I also felt Hakeem Olajuwon would be a slightly better fit here, though he played soccer before switching to hoops, so I went with a player that had little or no experience. Granted, the 6’ 11” forward’s (he’s not 7’ 0”…sorry) best asset would be his size, but his ability to jump quickly and block shots would make him a prime candidate for keeper. Further, he could block a kick and recover faster than most anyone, I imagine. Sure there are taller players with a bigger wingspan, but their lack of mobility would be a liability. Wallace serves as the perfect compromise.

4. Dwight Howard – Boxing
Reach is the name of the game here. Howard would be able to hang back and snipe his opponents with a long jabs and crosses, and the torque behind a 6’ 11” fighter winding up for a right hook would be jaw-dropping. Further, an opposing fighter would have to really reach, opening himself up, to attack Howard’s head. Howard’s physique lends itself well to boxing. I had originally contemplated him as an MMA fighter, but didn’t like his chances on the ground, his lack of killer instinct, and a long lanky frame when grappling. However, Howard’s height and reach would force opponents to have to cover the top of their head, as well as the front and sides, again, making them more vulnerable to head-body combos.

3. Mike Tyson – Football
Tyson would serve as the archetypal fullback: short, explosive, and strong as a bull. It’s hard to think that the same power and motion that makes his uppercuts so devastating would make him so effective in standing up most any defensive end. He’s standing 5’ 10”, so no one will be getting lower than he will, and in a short yardage situation, handing the ball off to Mike would be tantamount to handing it off to a cannonball. One concern is, at 218 pounds, he’s not as heavy as most fullbacks (Moose Johnston had 20 pounds on him), but I feel, as a function of his height, he’s perfectly proportioned.

2. Blake Griffin – Volleyball
Uh, cause he can jump. Actually, it’s not just that he can jump, but he can jump explosively. Griffin could serve as a blocking and spiking threat as a strong-side hitter. His ability to finish alley-oops demonstrate that he would be a force to be reckoned with from the back row, capitalizing on sets that are a ways off their mark.
 
 
1. Dirk Nowitzki – Tennis
Ok, I mostly did this because Dirk just looks like a tennis player. Admit it. You put a headband on him and he could pass for a 1978 Davis Cup champion. Put him at the net and it’s a chore to get anything but a lob over him. He’ll cover so much real estate standing still that concerns about his mobility are rendered moot. Plus, with the right mechanics, I’m sure he could demolish Roddick’s serve speed record. Nowitzki would be essentially serving straight down, which means the net becomes less and less of a factor, which means you can go for more power than accuracy and still find your way into the box. Eight thumbs up.