You Ain’t Got No Alibi: 9 Ridiculous Cheerleading Scandals
In lines of work that breed depravity, “cheerleader” might be neck and neck with “athlete.” Both are entitled, receive special treatment for their genetic gifts, and are mired in competition and fast living. So it should be no surprise that scandals in the world of cheerleading are as regular as reports of steroid use in baseball. The glamor of cheerleading only adds to the notoriety and salaciousness of these stories. While a wealth exist to choose from, we at TPS have 9 of the best for your reading and viewing pleasure. Enjoy.
9. Chris Cooley and Christy Oglevee
On the scale of scandals, this one isn’t exactly Watergate-level, but the happy ending makes it noteworthy. As a Redskin, Cooley was dating a Redskins cheerleader who eventually introduced him to Oglevee, another Redskins cheerleader. After breaking up with the first cheerleader, Cooley began to openly date Oglevee, against the standard player-cheerleader fraternization rules in the Redskins (and almost every other) organization. She was subsequently fired, but the story ends with Cooley and Oglevee tying the knot down the line, so the sacrificed cheerleader career was probably a small price to pay for love. And the original cheerleader? She was fired for fraternization also, but she can sleep well knowing that she played matchmaker. Right?
8. The McKinney, TX “Fab Five”
In this saga combining elements of “Mean Girls” and “Varsity Blues,” five cheerleaders at a suburban Dallas high school had the run of the school, with the teachers, coaches, and administrators turning a blind eye to their exploits, which included drinking, hazing, and posting “suggestive” pictures on the internet. Factoring into their immunity was the fact that one of the Fab Five was the daughter of the principal, all but guaranteeing that any indiscretions would be handled privately and off the books. While no horrible incidents came during the Fab Five’s reign at McKinney H.S., the cheerleading coach was fired after she tried to discipline the girls for their exploits, leaving at least one professional casualty.
7. Kobe Bryant and Vanessa Curry
While this isn’t Kobe Bryant’s biggest sex scandal, it’s definitely the biggest one the Laker Girls have seen in a while. It turns out Kobe hadn’t learned his lesson from Vail, as Vanessa was ultimately dismissed from the team amid allegations of an affair between her and Black Mamba. The original story was that she left the team to pursue her “hosting career.” A few eyebrows were raised once people realized that a hosting career isn’t a real thing. Shortly after, the rumors spread, and she was given her walking papers. Fortunately for Kobe, he had raised the bar so high with his last scandal that this one didn’t garner too much attention. Unless he’s found publicly fornicating with Nancy Pelosi and Pau Gasol on the teacups at Disneyland, any future incident will be in the shadow of his Vail scandal.
6. Florida Cheerleader Beating
2008 was a banner year for cheerleading scandals, but this one stands out amid the pack. Six Florida girls, most cheerleaders, age 14-17, beat a girl for thirty minutes (!), giving her a concussion and sending her to the hospital while two boys stood lookout. The victim was left with impaired hearing and sight from the beating. The attack was retribution for an unpleasant comment the victim had posted on MySpace about the six girls. The girls videotaped the beating with the intention of posting the final product on YouTube. The girls even choreographed the beating, with one girl shouting “There’s only 17 seconds left; make it good.”
5. The Patriot Swastika and Penis Scandal
Well, with a name like this, you know this entry’s gonna be good. In 2008 (again!), Caitlin Davis, a cheerleader for the Pats, was kicked off the team after photos of the barely legal 18 year-old surfaced on her Facebook page showing her drawing objectionable images all over an unconscious female friend. The doodles included such fun fare as the word “slut,” that enduring icon of unity, the swastika, and a big ‘ole dong. While this probably wouldn’t have rattled too many cages had Caitlin been of age, the Pats organization was left with little recourse but to send Ms. Davis packing.
4. Arizona State Cheerleaders
Is there a sweeter phrase in the English language than “Arizona State Cheerleading Scandal?” I vote no. The fact that the scandal involves lurid photos of the girls posing in their underwear only sweetens the deal. At a “cheer party” (whatever that is), the girls posed for some pretty innocuous pics in their underwear. The photos weren’t on anyone’s radar until two years later, at which point there were only two photographed members still on the team. Nonetheless, the school was prude enough that they decided to clean house, axing the entire cheerleading team regardless of involvement. Who knew that ASU was run like a convent?
3. Carolina Panthers Lesbian Bathroom Sex
This entry may only be #3 on the list, but it’s #1 in my heart. Unlike many other items on this list, this story made national news, undoubtedly due to its “ripped from Cinemax” storyline. Two Panther cheerleaders, Angela Keathley and Renee Thomas, were patrons at a Tampa nightclub and became unnerved during a particularly long wait for the ladies’ room. The women waiting for the restroom showered both girls with names like “bitch” and “whore” once they finally exited the bathroom. Thomas was having none of it and punched a name-caller in the face, escalating what would have been a mildly interesting bar story into national news with police reports featuring phrases like “going down” and descriptions of the bathroom stall rendezvous. While Keathley got off with six months of probation, Thomas got hit with assault and faced more serious jail time.
2. Arizona State’s (again!) Courtney Simpson
What are those Sun Devils drinking that makes them so damn frisky? Oh, that’s right. Booze. While inebriation may excuse a mental slip from time to time, it can’t be the cause of a national scandal that would soon be deposited in the spank bank of every adolescent male the nation over. Courtney Simpson was a kind, wholesome girl from a Mormon family that went to ASU on an academic scholarship. However, months after joining the cheerleading squad, she got involved in adult films. By “involved,” I mean she was banging dudes onscreen for money. A porn star, if you will. All this probably would have gone without incident had Simpson and the producers not had the bright idea of putting her in her ASU cheerleading uniform on the box and on film. The school wasn’t thrilled with the notion of being known for producing porn actresses, and threatened to sue the producers. Simpson went on to make over 250 films until she retired, ironically enough, to go back to college and get her degree. Fairy tale ending.
1. The Texas-Cheerleader-Murdering Mom
It’s always nice to know that your parents have your back. Well, Wanda Holloway was just that type of mom. When her daughter was competing with another girl for an elusive spot on a Texas (of course) high school cheerleading team, Wanda wanted to leave nothing to chance. Rather than preach hard work and focus, Mrs. Holloway recruited her brother-in-law to hire a hitman to take out the mother of the competing girl. Her rationale was that the girl would be so upset over her mom’s death that she would drop out. Thankfully, the plot never came to fruition and the police found out about the plan with enough evidence to put Holloway away for 15 years, which, after some legal snafus, turned into only a six-month sentence. God bless the US justice system.