The 19 Greatest Sports-Related Sex Euphemisms
Sports, aside from the world of construction, probably has more clichés and vocab that lend themselves to double entendre than any other occupation in the world. Sex and sports share many common themes, those of conquest, heartbreak, ambition, and a whole lot of sweat. Even something as basic a concept as scoring has become one of the most commonly used euphemisms for sex. So here are 16 phrases that apply both on the field and in the bedroom. And if anyone can find the origin of “putt from the rough,” for the love of all things holy, put it in the comments.
19. “Slipped One Through The Five Hole”While in sports, this is normally a good thing, meaning you scored. Inn the bedroom, slipping one past the goalie is not so great. “Slipping One Through The Five Hole” means that despite practicing safe sex, congratulations, you’re going to a parent. Yay?
18. “Second Base”The oldest metaphor in the book. Bases correspond to levels of sexual activity, with first, second, third, and home corresponding to kissing, petting, oral, and uh, good ole’ sex, respectively. What’s a ground rule double? Don’t ask.
17. “Putting From The Rough”How this became a metaphor for gay sex is beyond comprehension. However, Matt Damon in “Good Will Hunting” accused his therapist of being a closeted homosexual, saying that he doesn’t care if the man “putts from the rough” and the metaphor was born. However abstract.
16. “Pulling The Goalie”While slipping one past the goalie is often a bad thing, pulling the goalie insinuates that a couple is trying to get pregnant and has started having unprotected sex to get pregnant. As is my understanding of sex.
15. “Pitcher And Catcher”Giver and taker. Top and bottom. Quarterback and receiver. Do you really need to be drawn a map here?
14. “Deep In The Hole”In baseball, it means you’re in the shortstop position almost near the outfield. In sex, it means that the hard part’s over, and you’re having sex. Congrats.
13. “The Goalie Is Weak Between The Legs”It seems like they only say this about goalies. You would likely hear this when the commentators are mentioning the weaknesses of the netminders. And in a porn? Well we would hope you would never hear this, but it may find its way on some sort of a “porno bloopers” video.
12. “If There’s Grass On The Field Play Ball”While it has a slightly whimsical connotation, inferring that a team is game to play as long as they can, in sex, it’s a little less wholesome. Provided that a girl has, um, grass on her, um, field, she’s fair game to sleep with. Total Pro Sports does not condone this philosophy, nor do any of the 50 states. Check their driver’s license. If they don’t have a driver’s license, you best run, don’t walk, away.
11. “Take One For The Team”While this doesn’t directly pertain to sex, it is a metaphor in describing how to get to sex. So take one for the team and talk to the bitter, ugly friend so that your friends can focus on the better-looking ones. See also: jumping on the grenade.
10. “On The Sideline For A Blow”Really horrible word choice. It means to sit out for a second and catch your breath, but instead of saying that, high-school football coaches take that idea and appropriate the gayest phrase in the world for it.
9. “Put It Past The Goal Line”To drive it home and engage in intercourse with the object of your affection. You’ve scored. Sports metaphors – they’re not just baseball related anymore!
8. “Long, Slow Dribbler”A weak baseball hit or shot attempt in soccer or hockey. In sex, the mental image I draw from this is too awful to type. Let’s move on.
7. “Run Interference”To take yourself out of a play to free up another. Very John Stockton-esque. See also: taking one for the team.
6. “He Took It To The Hole”He took it to the hole can either mean making a shot in Basketball or putting your Dong into a….well you know what I mean. Unless you’re Kobe Bryant….
5. “Take It On The Chin”Hehehe. Gross.
4. “Swing And A Miss”At least you went down swinging and not looking. To lay down game on a girl but walk away with what you walked up with – nothing. You’ll get up to bat again, slugger.
3. “Get In The Hole!”A ubiquitous golf cliché that’s also just a really good life philosophy.
2. “He Stuffed It In The Endzone”Fun fact: the phrase “stuffed it in the endzone” originated in the Catholic Church before making its way to the NFL.
1. “Running On Fumes”You’re tapped out. You can’t take anymore. But will you be able to finish? Do it for her. (In case you were wondering, that’s NASCAR driver Dick Trickle in the photo. Take care, guys.