9 Sex Scandals That Make Rex Ryan’s Look Normal
While it’s not quite spring, love is in the air here at TPS. And what better way to celebrate the marriage of love and sports than with a retrospective of the 9 strangest sports sex scandals? Sure, Rex Ryan may get all the attention now, but making a few videos with your wife (of all people) doesn’t really constitute a scandal. That’s just two folks keeping their marriage fresh. You want scandals? We got scandals.
9. Ben Roethlisberger
While Rex Ryan’s foot fetish videos may have been a little weird and creepy, the seemed largely innocuous. At the other end of the spectrum lies Big Ben, who has long seemed weird and creepy to women, but also threatening and disrespectful. Before getting suspended by commissioner Roger Goodell for six games (later dropped to four), Ben had weathered two formal sexual assault accusations and a many more rumors and whispers. The face of the Steelers was looking pretty bad. It’s uncertain if he’s changed completely, but at least now he’s learned there are consequences to acting like a jackass.
8. Tiger Woods
Escalades, domestic abuse (courtesy of Elin), illicit texting, and Ambien sex. Congratulations, Tiger, on putting together a first-rate sex scandal. This one has all the trappings of a headline editor’s wet dream. While the fallout was largely anticlimactic, there was a period in December when seemingly every day, a new woman would come forward and add fuel to the fire. All this talk of the Tiger sex scandal is making me nostalgic. How long do the parties involved have to heal before we can get a reunion with Tiger and his (at least) 13 women?
7. Jackie Gallagher-Smith
Ole’ Jackie was an LPGA player. Her caddie, Gary Robinson, was, well, her caddie. But as the romance between Tiger and Fluff demonstrated, the player-caddie relationship can be so much more. Gary ended up getting involved with Jackie, and, after two months, knocked her up. She kept the kid with her husband (!), while Robinson felt duped and was left holding the bag. Cause he’s a caddie! Get it? Gary Robinson was made to be an unwitting sperm donor, but at least he got to have sex. That’s something, right?
6. Marv Albert
YYYYYYYYEEEEESSSSSS!!! That’s what runs through my head every time I think of the Marv Albert sex scandal. It’s got infidelity, cross-dressing, and my favorite component of a sex scandal, repeated aggressive ass-biting. Marv may have gotten a little too into the act, as his partner ended up pressing charges against him after he bit her in the butt 15 times. Marv denied the whole incident, but DNA and dental impressions in the lady’s posterior confirmed it was him. The fallout from this incident? Always wipe down an ass after you bite it. (And before, for that matter)
5. The Minnesota Viking Are on a Boat, Y’all
Sex boat. Is there a more beautiful combination of words in the English language? Any time you get the opportunity to fornicate while seafaring, you’ve gotta take it. The Vikings chose to cut loose on a party boat accompanied by Atlanta hookers on Lake Minnetonka with predictable results. By that, of course I mean there was an orgy. Which is interesting, but not as interesting as the prospect of flying a bunch of hookers across the country for a party. Did Minnesota hookers know about the party? Were they considered, or, right after someone mentioned “sex boat,” were the next words out of a Viking’s mouth, “Atlanta hookers?”
4. Brett Favre
While we are certainly a long way from finding the truth out here, if we ever do, there is certainly enough suspect activity here to take down the NFL’s poster boy of the past 20 years. It started with hottie Jenn Sterger and pics of Favre’s manhood, complete with Crocs. It has since appeared to morph into a pattern of behavior, also featuring a recent lawsuit against Favre and the Jets for sexually harassing their masseuses. While it’s sadly unsurprising that NFL players would harass women paid to rub them, the fact that Favre was involved leads us to believe that he wasn’t the person we thought he was, or New York did some bad things to Brett in a short period of time. Probably both.
3. Ron Mexico!
Remember when Michael Vick was just regarded as sleazy and not evil? It wasn’t that long ago. A few years back, Michael Vick was looking at the business end of a civil suit for allegedly proceeding to have unprotected sex with a woman, though he new of his herpes infection. Tricky situation there, Mike. Not helping has case was the fact that he had gotten tests for STD’s under the not-at-all-hilarious pseudonym “Ron Mexico.” The case was settled out of court after this fact came to light, but should have been dismissed with the court’s gratitude for being so damn entertaining.
2. The Aston Villa Voyeurs
Two Aston Villa footballers (Dwight Yorke and Mark Bosnich) had the bright idea to split a house and wire it up with camera, creating the ultimate voyeuristic experience. Little did they know that their experience wouldn’t just be enjoyed by them, but rather the entire sports media. While there were some “conventional” group sex scenes, the real scene stealer was Bosnich, on tape, wearing a skirt and getting whipped. How did the video get found? It was pulled out of their trash. Whoops.
1. Yankees Players Trade Wives
The 70’s were a hell of a time. I’m guessing. I wasn’t born yet. But the rumors of wife-swapping and free love were very real, as two Yankees scrubs can attest. Apparently the pinstriped Fritz Peterson and Mike Kekich found the grass to always be greener on the other side. They attended a swingers party, did each other’s wives (as was the style at the time), then decided they liked the arrangement so much that they wanted to stay wife swapped. Which they did. Ahhhh…simpler times. Actually, no. Much more complex times.