The 5 Most Ridiculous Names in Golf
Every sport has its share of ridiculous names, but few sports have names and nicknames that are so in-line with the “aura” or the sport. For a long time, golf was for the upper-crust, but in recent years, we have seen a surge in the presence of southern players in the PGA. And where there are southern players, there are really goofy names. How goofy? So goofy that a guys named “Fuzzy” and “Chi-Chi” didn’t even make the list.
5. Charles Howell III
Pretty sure this was the millionaire’s name on “Gilligan’s Island.” Ok. That was “Thurston” Howell, but it’s not far off. Golf has a well-deserved reputation as being a sport for the blue-blood country club set, and this name does little to dissuade people of that notion.
I’m far from a golf scholar, but “Charles Howell III” is such an awesomely stereotypical golf name that when I glance at a leader board at a golf tournament (which, admittedly, isn’t all that often) I just see “Charles Howell III” like 60 times, and then “Tiger Woods” mixed in there somewhere.
It sounds like Charles Howell II would have been one of those heartless real estate developers that tears down rec centers in order to build golf courses. Like Troy’s dad in The Goonies.
4. Dicky Pride
You wouldn’t expect a golfer with the name “Dicky Pride” to be very good, would you? Well, you’d be right. Holding strong at around 200 on the annual money lists, this guy is proof that Dicky Pride is a name better suited towards NASCAR or the PBA. I would toss $1,000 into a pot in order to get someone named “Penis Shame” in his foursome. I know that there probably isn’t a dude named “Penis Shame” on this Earth, but we could forge some birth certificates.
3. Duffy Waldorf
Seriously? Couldn’t he just simplify his name and change it to “White Guy?” Ole’ Duffy made $32k on the tour this year, then $7k in 2008, with no money stats in between. I hope he’s got a rich wife or something, because the only thing funnier than a golfer named Duffy Waldorf is a homeless dude named Duffy Waldorf.
I would like to go back in time and christen Craig Stadler with this name. Doesn’t Stadler just look like he should be named “Duffy Waldorf?” If you’re say “no” right now, you’re lying.
2. Willie Wood
Never mind about “Penis Shame,” “Willie Wood” is the guy I want teeing off with Dicky Pride. To spice things up, the PGA should take the four guys with the most suggestive names and make each of them drink two bottles of Mad Dog 20/20 before teeing off. I don’t care if Tiger Woods is setting the Augusta course record left-handed, if you find out that there are two golfers named Willie Wood and Dickey Pride bombing around the course with a healthy buzz on…sorry, Tiger.
1. Padraig Harrington
I think this guy might be Irish. Let’s take that a step further: I think this guy might be a leprechaun born in a barrel of Guiness that carries a pot of gold and sneezes shamrocks. Padraig clocks in as the most successful golfer on this list, having finished as high as fourth on the 2008 money list with $4,313,551. Do you have any idea how many potatoes he can buy with that much money?
Seriously. That wasn’t rhetorical. I have no earthly idea how much a potato costs.