Earlier this week, Los Angeles Angels first baseman Albert Pujols missed a few games because his wife, Deidre, had their fifth child, Esther Grace. My first thought when I heard that was, “yikes, Esther?” Then, my second thought was, “aww, that’s nice, good for them.” And, finally, my third thought was, “wait, just 5 kids by the age of 32? And all by the same woman? That’s nothing. What, does this guy have a sense of responsibility and self-respect or something?” Because you see, there are some pro athletes out there who seem to be under the impression that our species is in danger of extinction, and thus they go around the country impregnating women like there’s no tomorrow—you know, for the sake of humanity. That, or they really, really like unprotected intercourse.
So today, inspired by Pujols and his relatively small family, I thought I’d do a list of athletes who take fornicating seriously, and thus have broods rival that of Michelle and Jim Bob Duggar. And because these gentlemen so rarely have all their kids with just one woman, like Albert, I’m also including the number of mothers along with the number of children.
Ready to start?
Good, let’s go.
Former Detroit Lions defensive back Bennie Blades didn't quite have enough kids to make the list, but he's the only athlete I came across who went a "perfect" 6 for 6—i.e., six kids by six different women. Of course, it's not his fault. All those women were turned on by his awesome name. I mean, who wouldn't want to be with a guy named Bennie Blades? That doesn't even sound real.
Dishonorable Mention: Bennie Blades (6/6)
This former Kansas City chief wasn't just a Hall of Fame Linebacker and a 9x Pro Bowler. He was also a Hall of Fame ladies man, having fathered 7 children by 5 women. Sadly, he wasn't exactly a world-class planner. When the guy died unexpectedly in an automobile accident in 2000, he didn't have a will. So, yeah, I bet that was a lot of fun for the five mothers of his children.
15. Derrick Thomas (7/5)
Former NBA 1x All Star Kenny Anderson (Nets, Blazers, Celtics, Sonics, Hornets, Pacers, Hawks, and Clippers) also has 7 kids by 5 women. I won't try to sort through his brood, but one of his baby mamas is DJ Spinderella from Salt-N-Peppa. So that's cool.
14. Kenny Anderson (7/5)
Ah, good old Iron Mike. When you saw the title of this list, you probably assumed this guy would be on it, didn't you? Anyway, Tyson has 8 kids. Two of them are by his second wife, and two of them are by his third wife. As for the other 4? Who knows. Tragically, as you may know, Tyson lost one of his children in a tragic household accident in 2009.
13. Mike Tyson (8/4+)
Hey, look, a baseball player! Yep, a paternity suit filed this year forced Vlad the Impaler to reveal in court that he pays $25,000 a month to 5 different baby mamas to cover the costs of 8 kids. Interestingly, Vlad has 2 kids with 3 of those women, so he's not strictly a hit-and-run guy.
12. Vlad Guerrero (8/5)
Muhammad Ali is so widely revered as an athlete and cultural figure that you almost forget that the guy have 9 kids, and that only 7 of them are from one of his 4 marriages. The other 2? They're from extramarital relationships. Oops.
11. Muhammad Ali (9/4+)
At #11 we have our first active pro athlete to make the list. (No, I don't count Vlad Guerrero, even if he isn't officially retired.) The Broncos running back has 9 kids with 8 different women. The latest baby mama? Former US Olympic sprinter Marshevet Hooker. Apparently she and McGahee hooked up while she was still married.
11. Willis McGahee (9/8)
Willie Anderson played for the Spurs from 1988 to 1995, then made stops in Toronto, New York, and Miami, plus a few in various European leagues, before hanging up the sneakers for good in 1999. And while he was never an All Star on the court, he was an All-Star at getting woman pregnant—dude has 9 kids by 7 women. (It's a shame they didn't put that stat on the back of his trading card.)
10. Willie Anderson (9/7)
Caffey won two NBA Championship Rings with the Bulls in the late 90s. Of course, he's probably had to pawn the rings off to pay child support to the 8 women who gave birth to his 10 children. In fact, in 2007 he was arrested for failure to pay child support, and he then went to bankruptcy court to try to get protection from his baby mamas. However, the judge took one look at his career earning of $34,000,000 and order him to fork over the dough.
9. Jason Caffey (10/8)
George Foreman is a lean, mean marrying machine. The former boxing champ was married to 5 different women between 1971 and 1985, so obviously, he takes that sacred commitment really seriously. Somewhere in that period had 11 kids, and though it's too hard to say which ones he had with which wife, we do know that three of them, apparently, are from extramarital relationships, and another one of them is adopted.
7. George Foreman (11/???)
Like George Foreman, Evander Holyfield has (at least) 11 kids. And like George Foreman, it's hard to tell exactly how many mamas there are. All we know for sure is that 2 of them are with current wife Candi. The others are from his previous two marriages and, of course, a handful of extramarital relationships. Way to go, champ.
6. Evander Holyfield (11/4+)
Former Sonics great Shawn Kemp has long been held up as the biggest serial-impregnator in pro sports, but he's only #5 on this list. Of course, the number listed here is only the official, confirmed account. Most people seem to think that the real number is somewhere around 11. But only Shawn knows for sure.
Actually, he probably doesn't...which is really depressing.
5. Shawn Kemp (7/6)
Former NFL running back Travis Henry was busted for drug trafficking back in 2008. Eventually he pleaded guilty and was sentenced to 3 years in prison and $4 million in fines. Sadly, while he was going through his legal battles, a woman gave birth to his twins, bringing his grand total up to 11 kids with 10 different women.
At least that explains why he felt he needed to deal drugs: the man had some serious child support payments to make.
4. Travis Henry (11/10)
Antonio Cromartie is only the second active player on this list. The New York Jets cornerback is only 28 years old, but he has 12 children by 8 different women...if you count the twins that his wife is due to give birth to any day. And I do.
Way to go, buddy. Keep up the nice work.
3. Antonio Cromartie (12/8)
Brazilian soccer legend Manuel Francisco dos Santos, better known as Garrincha, was considered the second best Brazilian player ever after Pele, and as such he was quite popular with the ladies. When he died in 1983 from cirrhosis of the liver (yep, he was quite a drinker, too) there were 14 known Garrincha juniors running around in the world. And very few of them were by his actual wives.
2. Garrincha (14/???)
At just 5'9" tall, they called Hall of Famer Calvin Murphy "The Pocket Rocket" back in the day. Of course, as it turns out, rocket was an apt nickname in more ways than one. The dude had 14 kids by 9 different women...that we know about. And, sadly, in 2004 he stood trial for sexually abusing 5 of his daughter. He was acquitted of these charges, but that's still pretty depressing.
Of course, Murphy doesn't have much time left at the top of this list of infamous athletes. Unless he has a serious change of heart, there's no way Antonio Cromartie won't beat 14 by the time he kicks the bucket.
1. Calvin Murphy (14/9)
Antonio Cromartie, athletes, baby mamas, Children, kids, parents,