Picking the worst NFL theme song is sort of like picking the worst war crimes in history – it’s terrible that there are so many to choose from, but having a multitude of options does make for light work. Unfortunately, the terribleness comes from many different VERSIONS of the same songs, so don’t be surprised if you read/watch this piece and find you’ve got a finely-tuned ear that detects the nuances between Faith Hill’s 2011 version of a commercialized Joan Jett song and Pink’s 2006 rendition.
I’m guessing the only reason we don’t make a bigger fuss over this problem is because these theme songs serve as Pavlov’s bell to football fans. It would be like if someone stomped on your foot every other week right before you got your paycheck; it sucks, but it assures you something amazing is on the way.
Let’s cut the crap and get to the crap. Here are the worst NFL musical intros of all time, and boy are they bad.
Note: We’ve also included two parodies. DEAL WITH IT.
There’s actually nothing wrong with this song. It’s terrific and timeless. But there aren’t that many football intros, so the highest praise I can bestow upon it is calling it the ninth-worst of all time. Goosebumps, but still, technically, ninth-worst until William Hung gets called up to cover Carrie Underwood covering Faith Hill covering Pink, covering Joan Jett. I know. But LIFE’S not fair.
9. Johnny Pearson – “Heavy Action”
I realize this is a spoof, but there are actually seven versions worse than an animated bratty fat kid singing a Faith Hill knock-off. For example…
8. Eric Cartman – “Faith-Hilling Time” (Parody)
Unlike the case with Pink (see below), I actually believe that Faith Hill watches football. And she’s hot. It’s not likely to win a Grammy or be the impetus for an opera, but it’s…it’s here. (sigh)
7. Faith Hill – “Waiting All Day For Sunday Night”
Technically, the name of this song was changed from “All My Rowdy Friends Are Coming Over Tonight” to “All My Rowdy Friends Are Back For Monday Night (Are You Ready For Some Football?).” They changed a dumb song title into a song title that’s just complete gibberish. I’ll leave the reason for his termination from his NFL gig out of this discussion and just say that his outfit is reason enough to can his ass like tuna.
6. Hank Williams Jr. – Are You Ready for Some Football?
This version is worse than the regular one only because it features an intro from beat poet named J. Ivy, and teaming up a beat poet with Faith Hill is something that would only happen in a ludicrous football theme song. It’s like Gwyneth Paltrow hanging out with someone from Central America – It would only happen if you knew a lot of money was changing hands.
5. Faith Hill with J. Ivy– “Waiting All Day For Sunday Night”
If I wasn't familiar with 30 Rock or Jane Krakowski, I would think that this was a real thing and it wasn't particularly better or worse than any of the other drivel out there. So I’m putting it at four.
4. Jenna Maroney – “Tennis Night In America” (Parody)
They really don’t like to mix up the songs on Sunday Night Football, which I guess is understandable, as football-loving Americans hate and fear change. Here’s Carrie Unerwood doing her best “3rd round American Idol eliminatee oversells a pretty casual song.” It’s what she does best.
Going by this preview, the intro sounds like a vacuum cleaner slowed down and sped up. That’s not a compliment.
3. Carrie Underwood – “Waiting All Day For Sunday Night”
First of all, I doubt Pink sits around on Autumn Sundays with her thumb up her ass waiting for NBC’s football coverage to begin. Secondly, this is yet another terrible reworking of a legit good song (Joan Jett’s “I Hate Myself For Loving You”). Thirdly, I have no idea how much Pink was paid to do this, but it was probably more than you’ll make in a decade, and she probably did it in one afternoon wearing a Juicy Couture jumpsuit while holding her dog.
2. Pink – “Waiting All Day For Sunday Night”
Okay. That’s not the title of the song. But continuously typing the same song title leads one to snowblindness and dementia. This version is the worst because it takes so many reputable musicians down this filthy rabbit hole as well. Namely, Brian Setzer, Questlove (!), Clarence Clemons, Bootsy Collins, and Steven Van Zandt. Now THAT’S a war crime.
1. Hank Williams AND HIS ALL-STAR BAND – “All My Rowdy Footballs Are Coming Over To My Friends Tonight And Are You Ready For Some Friends”
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