Alex Ovechkin and Maria Kirilenko Call Off Engagement, Leaving the World to Question Everything It Thought It Knew About Love
Russian power couple Alex Ovechkin and Maria Kirilenko have called off their high-profile engagement after a year and a half of engagement and a year and a half of dating before that. The NHL MVP and the tennis star are asking for their privacy during this time, which is sort of like me asking for world peace – it’s an adorable request, but it’s not going to happen. Date a schoolteacher if you want privacy, guys.
Kirilenko released the following statement:
Our relationship is over, but I respect Sasha [Ovechkin] as a person and as an athlete, and I respectfully wish him further sporting success.
Ouch! She said “respect” twice and wishes him “sporting success.” Then she referred to him as Sasha. That’s the PR equivalent of taking a dump on someone’s head.
When providing an explanation for their breakup through the Russian Tennis Federation (which is the same medium through which I like to disseminate news about my personal life), Maria Kirilenko said there were “lots of reasons.” Based on the above picture, I would venture a guess that two of those reasons might be general dentistry and not understanding how sleeve length on a t-shirt works.
On the plus side, we’re all free to sleep with Maria Kirilenko now. Your only roadblock, respect for Alex Ovechkin’s monogamous relationships, is no longer an issue.