Everyone knows one of the best things about being a professional athlete is getting the to create your very own food products with your likeness on the label. It’s pretty much what every little kid dreams of (right after all the money, cars, houses, and women).
Of course, not every pro athlete gets a condiment with his picture on the label. You usually must be really good at what you do. Or, at the very least, you must have a funny name.
Today we’re going to take a look at some of the most memorable athlete food products of all time (that I could find on the internet). Is there one that you were particularly fond of that’s not listed here? Well, this list isn’t even close to being comprehensive. By all means, chime in with a comment below and share your knowledge.
Dry-aged for superior taste? Cal Ripken-approved? I bet these are the best frozen burgers in the world!
40. Ripken Gourmet Burgers
This one works on every level. Pascal Dupuis plays for the Pittsburgh Penguins, so the mustard and black label are the team colors, plus Dupuis Dijon just rolls off the tongue.
39. Classic Dupuis Dijon
I could be wrong, but it looks to me like Stowell's was trying to copy Curtiss's Baby Ruth with this one.
Of course, unlike the Baby Ruth, which supposedly was not named after the baseball player (yeah right), this one was explicitly named after legendary Bears halfback (and dapper son of a bitch) Red Grange.
38. Red Grange Milk Chocolate Nut Bar
Dale Jr's Big Mo'ment? Is it just me, or is that really lame?
37. Dale Jr's Big Mo'
It's got Steve Yzerman on the box and 13 vitamins and minerals, which is probably some sort of record. What more could you want in a breakfast cereal?
36. Stevie's Stars
Brett Hull may have scored 49 more goals in his career than Steve Yzerman, but his cereal has one less vitamin or mineral, and it lacks marshmallows. So when it comes to breakfast, I'm going with Stevie Y.
Don't bother looking for the "hot" Manny Machado salsa. The Orioles superstar third baseman wanted to keep things simple, so he only made a "mild" and a "medium."
Bold move, Machado.
34. Machado's Salsa
You know who's not afraid to crank up the heat? Miguel Cabrera. His salsa comes in mild, medium, and hot—though in fairness, they probably went with three just so they could call this product line "the Triple Crown of Salsa," which is awesome.
Oh, and in case you're looking at this photo of Miggy's salsa and thinking it looks an awful lot like Machado's Salsa, there's a reason for that. Both are made by PLB Sports, which is pretty much the biggest player in athlete-branded foods today.
I should also mention that proceends from Miggy's salsa benefit charity, but not Machado's. He's not rich enough for that kind of thing...yet.
33. Miggy's Salsa
If I were picking a name for a Carmelo Anthony candy bar, I would have gone with "Melo-Licious" or "Melo Crunch"—something like that. But "The Melo" isn't bad.
33. The Melo
I'm going to give this one the benefit of the doubt and say it was probably 20 years old when the photo was taken.
32. Isiah Bar
From the makers of Machado's and Miggy's Salsa come Grönk Flakes, which come in one of the most amazing boxes you'll ever see.
30. Grönk Flakes
This is a really random product line, but you can't deny the appeal of the product. That's some of the best-looking candy packaging I've ever seen.
Well this one was a no brainer, wasn't it?
Apparently Terrell Davis's BBQ sauce came in original and spicy, because Terrell was all about the variety.
27. Terrell Davis' Mile High Salute Bar-B-Que Sauce
The Baby Ruth was supposedly not named after The Great Bambino, but this one obviously was.
I wonder if you can still take this wrapper to Dick's and get that "Babe Ruth Home Run Baseball"?
26. Ruth's Home Run
Kick-Save Krunch sounds pretty tasty. Then you look at the box and realize it's just generic Cheerios.
25. Ryan Miller's Kick-Save Krunch
People just need to stop unwrapping these vintage candy bars. No good comes of it.
24. The Kirby Puckett Bar
Dale Jr doesn't just have a line of potato chips. He's got an entire line of foods. Because he's a really big deal.
23. Dale Jr Foods Potato Chips
Hopefully Steelers fans living in Missouri read the fine print before ordering their Bubby Brister 2.3 color action posters. Those babies were subject to a 5.725% sales tax in the "Show Me" state.
22. Bubby Bar
Technically, this one is more of an endorsement than a separate product, since Mr. Big already existed. But hey, Ovie's face was on the wrapper, so it counts.
21. Mr. Big Deal
Like I said in the introduction, you either have to be really good or have the perfect name to get your own food product. And whether or not you thought Doug Flutie was really good, he definitely had a great name for a frosted corn flake cereal.
20. Flutie Flakes
Terrell Davis was born and raised in San Diego and played football in Denver. Evander Holyfield is from Alabama and lives in Georgia.
When it comes to athlete BBQ sauces, I'm going with Evander.
19. Real Deal BBQ Sauce
I just love the fact that Randall Cunningham's amazing high top was forever immortalized on this candy bar wrapper.
18. The Randall Bar
Is it just me, or is it not kind of sad that they couldn't license the Red Wings logo for the front of this box?
17. Chris Osgood's Championship Cereal
Sure these were good, but were they the greatest?
16. Muhammad Ali's Crisp Crunch
I've got nothing against alliteration, but I would have gone with "Dominator Hot Sauce" just because Dominator was such an awesome nickname.
I'm pretty sure Chad Johnson changed his name to Ochocinco just for this awesome breakfast cereal.
When you're a professional athlete and your last name is Mayo, you have to come out with a line of gourmet mayonnaise spreads. It's the law.
12. Jerrod's All-Pro Mayo
You can thank Arizona (the tea people) for this bit of genius. But of course, it's hardly their only foray into the athlete-themed beverage market...
11. Shaq Soda
Does anyone else think "Golden Bear Lemonade" kinda sounds like a weird euphemism for urine?
10. Golden Bear Lemonade
Arnold Palmer made the half lemonade, half ice tea combo so popular, the beverage is now called an Arnold Palmer. So really, this is just about the most obvious athlete food item of all-time—and yet nobody thought of it until Arizona.
For shame, Pepsico. For shame.
9. Arnold Palmer Arnold Palmer
The late Harmon Killebrew was a hell of a ballplayer who made a hell of sarsaparilla.
8. Killebrew Old Fashioned Root Beer
I have yet to see this on a store shelf near me, but when I do I will buy it.
7. Big Hurt Beer
I love that it's mullet-era Jagr who got his own peanut butter. That makes this one so much better.
6. Jagr Creamy Peanut Butter
But of course, Jaromir wasn't the only Pittsburgh sports legend to get his own peanut butter. Terry Bradshaw came first.
5. Terry's Crunchy Peanut Butter
Deadmarsh Deli Dills? This one is all about the alliteration.
4. Deadmarsh Deli Dills
Kasparaitus Krunchers—best pickle name ever?
3. Kasparaitis Krunchers
Some people hear the name "Earl Campbell" and they think "Hall of Fame Oilers quarterback."
Other's hear is and think "Mmmmm, saaaassage."
2. Earl Campbell's Hot Link
And the award for "most fitting athlete food product of all time" goes to Big Ben's Jerky.
Get it? Because he's a jerk?