Now that the NFL season is finally here, most fans are probably fine-tuning their fantasy rosters, picking winners for their office pools, or making plans to watch the action with friends. And that’s all well and good. But me? I’m celebrating the return of NFL football by making lists of the hottest NFL WAGs and the creepiest and weird NFL mascots.
Why? Because the NFL isn’t just a sports league. It’s a sports entertainment enterprise. And all the non-football related aspects of the game deserve some love, too.
Also, I also just really love creepy mascots and attractive women…though not at the same time, because that’s weird.
Anyway, here’s the list of the creepiest and weird NFL mascots of all time. Take a look, then give your kids a Pepsi and show this to them before they go to sleep just to see what happens!
I typically find all humanoid mascots creepy because they seem to alway have deranged grins and bug eyes. That being said, Viktor here wouldn't be that bad if he didn't look just like Hulk Hogan. And Hulk Hogan really gives me the heebie jeebies ever since I had the misfortune of watching his sex tape. (Yeah, gross.)
Also, having seen this doesn't help, either.
10. Viktor (Minnesota Vikings)
Speaking of humanoid mascots, how about Sir Saint? He looks more like the bad guy in a French Cartoon than somebody who's going to get a bunch of drunk football fans pumped up. And no, he doesn't look less creepy from other angles. In fact, he might even look more creepy.
9. Sir Saint (New Orleans Saints)
If I were a Seahawks fan—and I'm not—I could probably learn to live with the angry scowl and blue feathers, even though they are ornithologically incorrect, as Ospreys (or "Sea Hawks") are brown and white. However, I do not think I could get past the bulging biceps. I can't put my finger on it, but they just make me uncomfortable.
8. Blitz (Seattle Seahawks)
Seriously, this is the kind of cowboy Jerry Jones wants associated with his team? The guy looks like he has a spray tan, and I'm pretty sure he'shigh as a kite. My guess is meth...though he obviously snorts it rather than smoking it. Look at those pearly whites.
7. Rowdy (Dallas Cowboys)
The main problem with Captain Fear is that he looks more like a caveman sex offender than a pirate. Hell, you can buy a stock costume on the internet that looks better than this. (Seriously, see for yourself.)
That being said, what really makes Captain Fear creepy is the fact that he looks like the puppet from Team America: World Police after undergoing the Valmorification process.
6. Captain Fear (Tampa Bay Buccaneers)
Fully clothed, Jaxson de Ville isn't creepy at all. However, this mascot has a little bit of a gambling problem. He's always making bets with the mascots of opposing teams, they always seem to involve the loser parading around in just a speedo, and the Jaguars usually lose. Because they're the Jaguars.
5. Jaxson de Ville (Jacksonville Jaguars)
No, internet, that's not some weird space bug or something. That's T.D., and he's a dolphin.
Now, I know what you're thinking. "Dolphins cute, and T.D. is not cute."
4. T.D. (Miami Dolphins)
Seriously, WTF Raiders? It's bad enough that fully grown adults are afraid to go to your games because they're afraid they'll get beat up if they accidentally cut in front of somebody while waiting in line for the bathroom. Why must you also strike fear into the heart of children with this deranged monstrosity?
3. Raider Rusher (Oakland Raiders)
I'm not sure whether Miles is hatching a plan to kill that kid, or if he's deriving an inappropriate amount of physical gratification from his friendly pat on the nose. Either way it's extremely creepy, and those bright orange eyes aren't helping.
2. Miles (Denver Broncos)
Taking the top spot as the creepiest mascot in the NFL is Boltman. And the crazy thing is this is actually the least creepy Boltman ever.
Just take a look at what he used to look like:
Horrifying, right? The only thing that causes more nightmares for Chargers fans is Norv Turner.