I’m not entirely sure why I look forward to sexy NFL cheerleader Halloween costumes every year. NFL cheerleaders aren’t like regular women, some of whom use Halloween as en excuse to dress much more provocatively than they normally do. NFL Cheerleaders dress provocatively every week during the football season. So sexy NFL cheerleader Halloween costumes don’t show me much I haven’t seen before.
And yet, somehow, sexy women get sexier when they put on a pair of mouse ears or a superhero outfit. I don’t know. It must be something primal deep within my brain.
In any case, hopefully it’s something primal deep within your brain, too, because I’ve compiled a whole list of this year’s sexy NFL cheerleader Halloween costumes.
Take a look…
This would be a pretty good Maverick costume...if the cheerleader weren't six inches taller than Tom Cruise and wearing a dress.
30. Sexy Fighter Pilot
I don't remember Tinkerbell showing that much skin in Peter Pan. Of course, maybe this Jaguars cheerleader is just supposed to be some random fairy, not the actual Tinkerbell.
29. Tinkerbell 1
Somehow this fairy shows off less skin and is actually sexier. Just goes to prove the old maxim, "Less is more."
28. Tinkerbell 2
Is she supposed to be a gladiator? A viking? That's unclear. I just know she's some sort of old time warrior type person. And she's a Patriots cheerleader.
27. Old Tyme Cheer Maiden
They should recruit women like this for special forces units and send them into rogue states to bust terrorists. You know, just to add insult to injury.
26. Sexy Army Girl
That's right. She's not a devil. She's the devil.
I bet you didn't know the devil had sequinned horns, did you?
25. The Devil
Everyone hates the referees. That's one of the fundamental law of sports. And yet I bet it wouldn't be if referees actually dressed like this.
24. Sexy Referee
Hey, if Cinderella had dressed like this she wouldn't have needed that glass slipper. Prince Whatshisface would have been like, "Hey gurrl..."
23. Sexy Cinderella
If you're under the age of 25 and confused, "flower chid" is just another term for "hippie."
No, not hipster. Hippie.
22. Flower Child
I've seen sexy cats, sexy tiger, and sexy lions. But I don't think I've ever seen a sexy giraffe. To be honest, I'm not sure how I feel about the whole concept.
21. Sexy Giraffe
Not a costume idea I would recommend, seeing as how it took my five minutes to figure out what to call it. But it does look good. So if that's your only criteria, go nuts.
20. Mardi Gras Queen
Fun fact: you can pretty much make any Halloween costume sexy if you try hard enough.
19. Sexy Chef
Technically that's not a costume. It's a shirt with Hello Kitty on it and a pink tutu. I only included this one because of the fantastic sexy referee in the background.
Well done, sexy referee.
18. Hello Kitty (with Special Guest Sexy Referee)
This one gets a C- for sexiness, but a B+ for authenticity. If not for the jolly roger tights I'd give it a solid A.
Every single year there is at least one Catwoman. And yet it never really gets old. In fact, I'm like 90% sure this is the exact same Titans cheerleader who went as Catwoman last year. The only reason she's not ranked higher? Lack of originality.
You really cannot go wrong with a lifeguard costume. It doesn't even need to be a sexy lifeguard costume because lifeguards are inherently sexy as it is.
Just like Catwoman, there's always a sexy cowgirl. This year it's this Titans cheerleader, and she does not let us down.
Of course, it would have been weird if the Titans had played the Cowboys this week.
14. Sexy Cowgirl
I'll admit that, at this point, a Poison Ivy costume seems a little culturally irrelevant, seeing as how she hasn't appeared in a Batman movie since 1997. But whatever. Any comic book villain is always okay by me.
13. Poison Ivy
Speaking of culturally irrelevant, how many people under the age of 30 have even the slightest idea who this is supposed to be?
Don't get me wrong, it's still a sexy costume. Barbara Eden was a total babe. All I'm sayin' is I Dream of Jeannie went off the air in 1970.
12. I Dream of Jeannie
Here's another perennial sexy NFL cheerleader Halloween costume favorite. This is one of the best iterations we've seen yet.
11. Snow White
Seriously, how awesome were the Titans cheerleaders' costumes this year? We've already seen I Dream of Jeanie and Top Gun lady, but check out Captain America and Tina Turner. And the "sexy football"? Brilliant. Sexy firefighter and Minni Mouse aren't bad, either.
10. All the Titans Cheerleaders
Once gain, not a hipster. If she were a hipster she would have thick black-framed glasses. This is a sexy lumberjack.
9. Sexy Lumberjack
Fishnet stockings with handcuff garter belt? You have to appreciate that attention to detail.
8. Sexy Cop
The Titans' Captain America was pretty good. The Jaguars sexy Captain America is better. (Hint: it's the "sexy" that makes the difference.)
7. Sexy Captain America
At first glance I thought that was world renowned pretty boy Cristiano Ronaldo. Then I was like, no, that's a woman.
6. Soccer Player
As good as this Harry Potter costume is, sexy nerd pretty much steals the show doesn't she? I mean, that's a costume I've never seen go sexy before.
5. Harry Potter (with Special Guest Sexy Nerd)
Evildoers were nowhere to be found at the Superdome last week. The Saintsations trotted out a whole team of superheroes. From left to right we've got The Flash, Mrs. Incredible, Sexy Captain America, Sexy Spider-Woman, Supergirl, and Robin. It's a Marvel/DC/Disney crossover!
4. The Saintsations Supergirls
No offense to New School Britney Spears. She is still very hot. But is there anyone out there who really thinks she is hotter than Old School, pre-breakdown Britney? No. There is not.
3. Old School Britney
I don't know about you, but my Spidey sense is tingling.
(On a related note, don't you love the way complete nonsense can become sexual innuendo?)
2. Sexy Spider-Woman
A beloved children's literary character turned into sexy vixen? Only on Halloween!