Now that Movember 2014 is officially in the books, it’s time to take our annual look at the best NHL Movember mustaches.
If none of what I just said made any sense, please allow me to explain. You see, about 10 years ago, some marketing genius in Australia came up with a brilliant way to raise awareness and funds for men’s health issues such as prostate cancer: start calling November Movember and get people to pledge donations for dudes who don’t shave their upper lip for an entire month.
At any other moment in recent history, this movement would have failed. But this one just so happened to coincide with the rise of modern hipsterism and the subsequent rebranding of facial hair as “cool.” So Movember caught on in a big way all across the English-speaking world. And in North America, no professional sports league has embraced Movember as enthusiastically as the NHL…which is why we’re doing this list of the best NHL Movember mustaches.
Ready to take a look? You should be, because these mustaches are gorgeous. So let’s get started…
Up first we have Sharks goalie Troy Grosenick. His Movember mustache is pure pervy perfection. Add a sepia filter to this photo and it would look like a high school year book photo from 1983.
20. Troy Grosenick (Sharks)
Why is Brendan Gallagher so happy? It's not because he made this list. It's because the Habs just gave the 22-year-old forward a six-year, $22.5 million contract extension. So he's set for life.
19. Brendan Gallagher (Canadiens)
When you Google "trash stach," a picture of Sharks sniper Logan Couture (right) is NOT the first thing that comes up. But it should be, dammit.
18. Logan Couture (Sharks)
Mustaches can be quantified in two ways: coverage (measured in in²) and density (measured in FPI—follicles per inch). Willie Mitchell's mustache is above average in both categories.
17. Willie Mitchell (Panthers)
In just five years, Stars captain Jamie Benn has gone from mullet to hipster. It's quite the transformation.
16. Jamie Benn (Stars)
No list of remarkable NHL facial hair would be complete without an appearance from Sidney Crosby. "The Kid" may be a 27-year-old man now, but the hair on his upper lip isn't getting any thicker.
15. Sidney Crosby (Penguins)
This is 20-year-old Capitals rookie Liam O'Brien. He made a name for himself a few weeks ago when took time to fix his mustache while sitting in the penalty box after a fight.
14. Liam O'Brien (Capitals)
Originally I was just going to include Eddie Lack (left). Then I came across this picture of Lack with Nick Bonino (middle) and Zack Kassian (right), and I knew I could not exclude Bonino. I mean look at that thing. He looks like a gamer from the 80s who lives in his mom's basement.
As for Kassian, sadly, he doesn't count. Everyone knows that growing an entire beard to disguise a mustache in its infancy is cheating.
13. Eddie Lack & Nick Bonino (Cannucks)
No matter how wrong it feels to see Scott Hartnell in a Blue Jackets sweater, his sweet stache just feels so right. This man is truly one of sports' greatest facial hair superstars.
12. Scott Hartnell (Blue Jackets)
Leo Komarov can't seem to make up his mind about where he wants to play. He played in the KHL for three years, then the NHL for one year, then the KHL for another year, and then the NHL again this year.
Fortunately, Komarov's mustache is not so fickle. That thing is 100% badass.
11. Leo Komarov (Maple Leafs)
I debated whether or not the presence of a soul patch should disqualify Brian Gionta. However, I ultimately decided that as long as any additional, non-mustache facial hair doesn't extend more than one inch below the lower lip, it still counts as a mustache (and not, say, a goatee).
10. Brian Gionta (Sabres)
Canadiens goalie Carey Price always sports a solid Movember mustache, and this year was no exception.
9. Carey Price (Canadiens)
Sheahan and Nyquist have pretty solid staches, but the star of this trio is Luke Glendening. That thing is a real beauty.
8. Riley Sheahan, Luke Glendening, and Gus Nyquist (Red Wings)
Bruins forward Loui Erikkson doesn't just stop with a 70s pornstar mustache. He completes the look with long hair, a v-neck sweater, and a silver chain.
7. Loui Erikkson (Bruins)
Is it just me, or does Jeff Carter look like a young, mustachioed Jeff Bridges?
6. Jeff Carter (Kings)
The winner of this year's Sellick Award for achievement in manly mustachery is longtime Senators defenseman Chris Phillips.
5. Chris Phillips (Senators)
The mustache is amazing, but what really completes the look here is the dishevelled hair. Alex Ovechkin is a caricature of a drunk Russian dude.
4. Alex Ovechkin (Capitals)
Without a mustache, Ryan Miller looks like a pretty normal guy. With a mustache, the Canucks goalie looks like the slightly less-creepy half brother of Steve Buscemi.
3. Ryan Miller (Canucks)
If I didn't know that the guy on the right was Daniel Winnik's father, I would have assumed the Leafs forward is the bastard child of Wade Boggs. Compare for yourself.
2. Daniel Winnik (Maple Leafs)
The honor of best NHL Movember mustache of 2014 goes to the New York Islanders' Michael Grabner. It kinda looks like he's channeling dynasty-era Bobby Nystrom, too. Maybe that's why the Islanders don't suck this year.