Some people make fun of sports unibrows. However, I celebrate them, because it’s obvious that they give special powers to the athletes upon whose faces they reside.
Just look at Anthony Davis, who is having an MVP-calibre season. His success is obviously not just a fortunate combination of genetics and hard work. He would be nothing without that bird-like unibrow soaring majestically on his forehead. It’s the source of all his powers, just like Samson’s hair was the source of all his powers. The New Orleans Pelicans are just praying Davis doesn’t meet a Delilah who makes him wax that thing.
That said, Davis isn’t the only athlete who gets all his power from a unibrow. And to prove it, today we present to you the 21 most majestic sports unibrows of all time. Please, enjoy.
These days Ravens QB Joe Flacco maintains both a left and a right eyebrow. However, back in the day, before he met his wife, Dana, he kept things au naturale. And obviously, it was this that convinced the Ravens to draft a relatively unknown guy out of Delaware with the 18th overall pick in 2008.
21. Joe Flacco
Clearly, Alex Ovechkin is letting some things slide since breaking things off with Maria Kirilenko. Pretty typical after big breakups, really.
20. Alexander Ovechkin
This Belgian soccer star's giant fro often obscures that fact that he has a pretty fierce unibrow. Personally, I'd like to see him go back to cornrows.
19. Maroune Fellaini
Spanish cycling legend Miguel Indurain didn't need PEDs to win the Tour de France five times in a row from 1991 to 1995. He just needed his unibrow.
Of course, he probably used Rogaine to get the unibrow, so...
18. Miguel Indurain
Retired Slovakian NHLer Miroslav Satan occasionally let the UB get the best of his forehead, and when he did he looked downright menacing.
17. Miroslav Satan
Retired Czech goalie Roman Chechmanek may not have been a superstar, but that's just as well. It would have been a shame to have that gorgeous unibrow always covered up by a stupid helmet.
16. Roman Chechmanek
Bobby Holik didn't have the thickest unibrow, but it had a certain je ne sais quoi.
15. Bobby Holik
As you can see, Uruguayan soccer player Sebastian Abreu doesn't just have an extra furry brow. He's also got some pretty creepy chompers that probably haven't seen a dentist in a while.
14. Sebatian Abreu
Thank you, Warren Brusstar, for this wonderul unibrow card.
13. Warren Brusstar
Argentina's Carlos Tevez (Juventus) might just be the most talented unibrow in sports today.
12. Carlos Teves
I'm pretty sure former MLB pitcher Sammy Stewart only grew the mustache to balance things out. Nobody likes asymmetry.
11. Sammy Stewart
Everybody knows about the ball that went through Buckner's legs during Game 6 of the 1986 World Series. Not many people know that he also had an elite unibrow unmatched in its era.
10. Bill Buckner
Stan Javier was never a real star in the big leagues. However, he had some solid seasons as a pinch hitter, and GMs adored his unibrow. So he always found work.
9. Stan Javier
As you can probably tell, we're getting to the real unibrow heavyweight now.
Andy Etchebarren here only had 49 career home runs. However, he would have had none if he didn't have that unibrow intimidating pitchers.
8. Andy Etchebarren
What a look, huh? It's like Ramon Rivas was said, "Guys, how can I look even more skeezy than I already do" and his friends said, "Grow a mustache, Ramon."
7. Ramon Rivas
Jose here is Portuguese and plays in Turkey, where they've accepted him as one of their own thanks to that thick, lucious unibrow.
Seriously, that thing would chew up your silly little Gillette Fusion.
6. Jose Bosingwa
The basketball career of Binghampton U's Emanuel Mayben got cut short when he was arrested for selling cocaine back in 2009.
Such a sad waste of a unibrow.
5. Emanuel Mayben
It's not just the thickness that makes Nery Castillo's unibrow special. It's the shape. The Mexican soccer player looks perpetually angry.
4. Nery Castillo
Wally Moon was a great ballplayer for the St. Louis Cardinals and Los Angeles Dodgers back in the 50s and 60s. He also has one of the few unibrows in recorded history that is actually bushier in the middle than on the wings. Truly remarkable!
3. Wally Moon
Coming in at number two we have the greatest unibrow in the NBA today, Anthony Davis. He believes he can fly, because his majestic unibrow told him he could.
2. Anthony Davis
Frank Zupo had a short-lived major league career, playing just three seasons with the Baltimore Orioles in the late 50s and early 60s. However, he still managed to make the history books with the greatest sports unibrow of all time. So he had that going for him.