I know, I know. This is all very upsetting. But do try to keep in mind, Tom Brady has earned $150,000,000 so far in his career. He’s got three Super Bowl rings and will get into the Hall of Fame on his first ballot. Plus he’s ridiculously good-looking and married to a supermodel. In the end, Tom Brady is going to be just fine. You don’t need to worry about him.
Besides, Tom Brady’s feelings get hurt all the time. He’s just a sensitive guy who’s in touch with his emotions. I’ve heard he cries himself to sleep almost every night when the Patriots are on the road and he’s away from his boo, Gisele. If anything, the guy needs to toughen up a bit.
That’s why I’m doing this list of 10 other things that probably hurt Tom Brady’s feelings—to harden him against the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune.
Well that, and I just like making fun of people who are more successful than me.
Take a look.
Tom Brady is a spokesperson for Uggs, and because everyone associates that brand with fur-lined moccasin moon boots for women, people constantly make fun of him for it. And it probably hurts his feelings. Because he's the kind of guy who wears Uggs.
10. Everybody Making Fun of His Uggs
Seriously, what could possibly be worse than a two-time Super Bowl MVP getting a consolation pat on the back from Mark “Where’s the Hot Dog Guy?” Sanchez? It happened, though. After the Patriots went 14-2 in the 2010 season, they got to the playoffs and lost their first game to sixth-seeded Jets.
Of course, it wasn't not so much the actual loss that hurt Tom Brady's feelings in this case. It was everybody laughing at the loss.
9. Losing to the Jets in the 2010 Playoffs
Despite being the third-highest paid NFL player of all time, Tom Brady could not buy a high five from his teammates in 2013. I don't know if Brady alienated them by telling a bad rich white guy joke, if they were playing some sort of epic prank on him, or what. But you know, every time it happened, he sent a text to Gisele with a little sad face emoji.
8. That Time Nobody Would Give Him a High Five
Tom Brady was no implicated in the infamous "spygate" scandal. That was all Belichick. However, that has not stopped people from using spygate to taunt poor Tom Brady, saying he can't win a Super Bowl without illicitly obtained intelligence about what the opposing defense is going to do.
Of course, it's all nonsense. The guy has averaged 12 wins a season since spygate. The fact that he lost in the Super Bowl twice is just a coincidence.
But the accusations still sting.
7. Everybody Saying He Can’t Win a Super Bowl Without Spies
Ouch. Now this one hurts. The Patriots were up 21-6 on the Broncos at halftime of the 2006 AFC Championship Game. But Peyton came storming back, and with just one minutes remaining in the game the Colts took their first lead. But the Pats had Brady, and if there was one thing Brady could do, it was lead his team on a last-minute march down the field. And that's what he was doing...when Marlin Jackson intercepted a Tom Brady pass with 17 seconds left in the game, icing the huge comeback win for Indy.
Again, it wasn't so much the losing that hurt Tom Brady's feelings as it was every man, woman, and child in America being so thrilled for Peyton Manning.
6. Throwing That Pick to Marlin Jackson in 2006 AFC Championship Game
Back at the start of the 2003 season, Tom Brady was still unproven. Yes, he led the Patriots to the Super Bowl win in 2001. But after ditching ditching Drew Bledsoe and deciding to stick with Brady, the Patriots missed the playoffs in 2002. So heading in to 2003, he had to prove he was not a fluke.
Well, it just so happened that the Pats were opening the season against the Buffalo Bills—Drew Bledsoe's new team. And do you know what happened? Bledsoe and the Bills pounded Brady and the Pats, 31-0.
I wasn't in New England to experience the fallout from that loss on sports talk radio. But you knowit was savage. And you know it hurt Tom Brady's feelings.
Of course, you also know how the rest of the season turned out. The Pats won their last 12 games, including a 31-0 win over the Bills in Week 17 that gave them a record of 14-2. Then they won the Super Bowl. So Tom Brady getting his feelings hurt is a good thing...which is why Patriots fans shouldn't be mad at me for doing this list.
5. Everybody Saying He Sucked After Losing 31-0 to the Bills in 2003
You know how I know Tom Brady's feelings were hurt when nobody picked him in the first five rounds of the 2000 NFL Draft? Because Tom Brady did an interview about it and he literally started crying.
4. Not Getting Picked Until the 6th Round
This was Tom and Gisele's Halloween costume back in 2013. She was Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz, he was the Cowardly Lion, and nobody on the internet made fun of him.
No, just kidding. Tons of people made fun of him. I didn't, because I understand that when you are married to a supermodel and she says she will dress up as sexy Dorothy if you dress up as the Cowardly Lion, you do it. But not everyone is as forward-thinking as me.
3. That Time Gisele Said He Had to Be the Cowardly Lion for Halloween
When Eli Manning and the New York Giants pulled off a miraculous victory over the 18-0 Patriots in Super Bowl XLII, highlighted by "The Helmet Catch," America rejoiced. We were thrilled to see those smug bastards lose their perfect season. And of course, our delight hurt Tom Brady's feelings—just like it hurt his feelings a few seconds ago when I said they were smug bastards.
2. Losing to Eli Manning in the Super Bowl
The only thing that hurt Tom Brady's feelings more than America celebrating the Patriots' loss to the Giants in Super Bowl XLII? America celebrating the Patriots' loss to the Giants in Super Bowl XLVI. I mean, look at that photo. Brady was just so utterly dejected, and the internet just mocked his suffering and laughed at that video of his wife throwing his receivers under the bus.
But you know what they say, Tom. Whatever doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.
1. Losing to Eli Manning in the Super Bowl Again
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