CBC hockey “analyst” Don Cherry makes insightful observations about the NHL every once in a while. However, that’s not why people tune in to his “Coaches Corner” segments on Hockey Night in Canada. They tune in—or watch later on YouTube—for the angry rants and the batsh*t insane Don Cherry jackets.
If you’re a Canadian hockey fan, you understand this. However, if you’re one of the millions of American hockey fans who does not live anywhere near the Canadian border, you might not be aware that, when it comes to fashion, Cherry is basically Craig Sager on acid. And today we’re going to enlighten you.
So without further ado, if you think your fashion sense can handle it, take a look at our definitive ranking of ridiculous Don Cherry jackets.
You know you have some bold sh*t in your wardrobe when this green, blue, and yellow plaid jacket is the least crazy thing you own.
30. Green and Yellow Plaid
Don Cherry: You sure this tie doesn't clash with this jacket?
Mrs. Cherry: [Takes a sip from a high ball glass] No way, babe, you look amazing!
Don Cherry: Awe, thanks hun.
29. Red and Blue Plaid
Man I love this look. Cherry looks like Neo from The Matrix if Neo from The Matrix were a pimp in 1982.
28. Black on Black Paisley
After sewing together a double-breasted blazer made of lavender silk, Cherry's tailor was probably like, "Shiny silver button? Sure, WTF."
27. Lovely in Lavender
Am I the only who thinks those white leaves are vaguely reminiscent of marijuana leaves?
26. The 420 Suit
I like to imagine this is the kind of getup Grimace wears when he dresses up.
25. Purple Plaid
Who wore is better—Don Cherry or Taylor Swift? I'm gonna say Cherry.
24. White Silk with Black Polka Dots
This one looks like some Grateful Dead fan art. All it needs is a big skull in the middle.
23. Purple Flower Paisley
Canada is a country of contradictions. On the one hand, it has a reputation as being liberal and progressive and peaceful. On the other hand, Don Cherry.
22. Captain Canada
The octopus is the least weird thing about this photo.
21. Flower Power
Get it? The jacket is red velvet, like red velvet cupcakes.
20. Hey Cupcake
This one is obviously from St. Patrick's Day. But honestly, Don Cherry could wear it any time of year and nobody would bat an eye.
If you ever see Don Cherry walking down the street in this jacket, look away. Staring directly at it while he's moving will give you seizures.
17. The Mint Julep
Don Cherry supports gay marriage officially, but you wouldn't exactly call him a champion of gay rights. That's what makes his entire wardrobe—and this jacket in particular—so ironic.
16. Gay Pride Plaid
Dark blue shirt with light blue jacket? Sure, why not.
15. Blue Skies and Daisies
This fabric was obviously inspired by the paper that lines a basket of french fries.
14. Mr. Pomme Frites
I think Cherry had this one made from a muumu his wife bought in Hawaii in 1968.*
*Just to be clear, that's a joke. And also, Cherry's late first wife, Rose, was saint.
13. Nice Muumu
Lord have mercy, what in the hell is this fabric? I don't even have a joke to make. It's too ridiculous.
12. Fall Foliage Camo
If I were the commissioner of the NHL, I would make all the goal judges where jackets just like this.
11. Goal Light
Cherry didn't wear a boutonniere with this one because nobody would have seen it anyway.
10. Red Carnation
Sure, you look amazing. But every time you leave the house a whole colony of bumble bees tries to pollenate you.
9. Flower Power, Part 2
I assume Cherry had this one made to honor his late wife, Rose, which is really sweet. But he still looks ridiculous.
Don Cherry was a guest speaker at the inauguration of former Toronto crackmayor Rob Ford back in December of 2010. During his speech, he told the new mayor to stick it to those bike-riding "commie pinkos."
One can only assume this jacket is ironic.
7. Commie Pinko
Cherry liked that last one so much, he had his tailer make him another one in chartreuse.
I would say this must be what Don Cherry wore on Chinese New Year, except that there's no way Don Cherry gives a sh*t about Chinese New Year.
5. Enter the Dragon
"Do you have any fabric that looks like Turkish bath tile?"
4. Tile Guy
This jacket looks like a TV test pattern. (Ask your parents what that is, kids. Or Google.)
Why does this fabric even exist? Is there some textile factory in China that makes fabrics just for Don Cherry's jackets?
2. Taxi Cab Cherry
No, you're eyes do not deceive you. That is lightning.
This is easily the greatest Don Cherry jacket of all time.