No One in the NFL Got Arrested in September! *Confetti Falls, Clown Does Little Dance*


It’s a banner month for the NFL! Since so many players were getting their legs and clavicles snapped during games and preseason, they didn’t have the time or ability to go out and commit the crimes that they’re so often known and loved for. September marks the first calendar month that no NFL players¬†got arrested since July 2009.

There’s gotta be some reason for this that we don’t know about. I don’t have any insider information, but I can only assume it’s a Hamsterdam-type situation from The Wire in which Goodell acquired¬†16 square blocks in Canton, Ohio with no police presence that allows the players to consume drugs, commit domestic abuse, and recklessly shoot their handguns in the air.

Don’t go to that area.

Remarkably, the NFL’s arrest rate seems to be half that of general men their age from 2000-2013, which speaks less to the goodness of the NFL, and more to the general awfulness of the society in which we live. But the NFL’s got a marketing team. They can spin this!

Tags: arrest, NFL, september,