Breaking: Steelers to Sign Jerome Bettis and Hines Ward For Sunday’s Game vs. Broncos
Desperate times call for desperate measures. And when it comes to the eight remaining teams in the NFL playoffs, none find themselves in a more desperate position than the Pittsburgh Steelers.
Injuries have taken their toll on the Steelers’ offense all season, and it has been particularly rough over the past few weeks–so rough that the team had to convince some of their former members to come out of retirement and help them out.
With both DeAngelo Williams and now Antonio Brown set to miss Pittsburgh’s Divisional Round match-up against the Denver Broncos on Sunday, two familiar faces have been called upon to help fill the void: former Steelers wide receiver Hines Ward and former running back Jerome Bettis.
When asked about the move, Steelers president Art Rooney II said, “We’re very happy to have Hines and Jerome back in the Black & Yellow this weekend, no matter how much that increases our insurance policy.” Rooney was also asked about his thoughts regarding his team’s willingness to rely on such an old group of veterans, to which he responded, “our opponents on Sunday have fared quite well this season with Peyton Manning. And that dude’s turning 40 in a couple of months!”
Steelers head coach Mike Tomlin also seemed excited about the move. While meeting with reporters earlier today, he told them, “Do you know how tough it can be to have to call out Fitzgerald Toussaint‘s name all game?” When Tomlin was asked if he thought the fatigue from calling Toussaint’s name led to the Bengals’ fourth-quarter comeback, he responded by saying, “I wouldn’t doubt it. I felt myself getting lazier with the play-calling as the game went on. But I’m just glad I get to say something easy now, like ‘Bus’ or ‘Hines,’ instead of ‘Tootsie-whatever.”
Unfortunately, Hines Ward was not available for comment, but Bettis was. And when the Hall of Fame running back was asked how he plans to get back down to his playing weight, he said, “Down? You must mean up! Peyton’s already been sending me some Papa John’s pies. And I hear weed is legal up in Denver now. This should only take one night in the team hotel. Piece of cake.”
As for Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger, he’s still questionable for the contest with a right shoulder injury. If he can’t go, I’m being told that Terry Bradshaw has already begun warming up. Stay tuned.
***For those who didn’t notice, this is a parody post…Which means it is not true. Duh!!!***